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Jokes..

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Comments

  • LoOkOuT said:
    I know you stole my Microsoft Office and you’re gonna pay. 

    You have my word. 
    You should change your name to OuTlOoK
    You make a power(ful) point.
  • LoOkOuT said:
    I know you stole my Microsoft Office and you’re gonna pay. 

    You have my word. 
    Makes you wonder what sort of Access they had
  • supposedly a true story .. the Queen was hosting a state dinner for ex French president Chirac
    During a conversation with Madame Chirac the Queen asked 'what do you think is the most important thing in life ?. … 'A penis' came the reply .. Chirac intervened .. 'My wife means (H)appiness your majesty' ((:>) If not true, then it should be
  • LoOkOuT said:
    I know you stole my Microsoft Office and you’re gonna pay. 

    You have my word. 
    Makes you wonder what sort of Access they had
    @LoOkOuT probably had his head in the cloud.

  • ozaddick said:
    The Germans are getting so worried about corona virus they’re putting  towels on hospital beds! 
    Hello Oz, usually enjoy your jokes but I don’t get this one.  And, come to that I don’t get FAs Woolworths joke either.  I must be having a slow morning.
    @Blackheathen The Germans are reserving the beds with their towels like they do the sun loungers on holiday.
    Thanks guys, you and Sarrf-London
  • Cant buy a Bosnian Midfielder anywhere at the moment

    This Pjanic buying really needs to stop
  • I hope your Miley Cyrus poster is not a "wrecking ball" one.......
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  • My very new missus is upset with me just because I put ginger in her curry. 
    To be fair she did love that bastard cat. 
  • I’ve just been thrown out of my local supermarket by the manger.
    He said I can’t have milk, eggs, cheese or even yogurt!
     How diary! 

    I’ll get me coat... 
  • Epic typo. 
  • sarge1g said:

    The shelves are all so empty,
    It really is a farce,
    I ask myself the question,
    How will I wipe my arse?

    Do I turn to Ebay?
    And buy some for a grand,
    From a bloke in Bagshot,
    That could be second hand.

    Asda has no bog roll,
    Tesco's got none too,
    What will I do tomorrow,
    When I want a poo?

    Lidl's shelves are empty,
    Aldi's stock is low,
    I really need some Andrex,
    Please tell me where to go.

    Do I use a pair of socks?
    That might be alright,
    But then I have a problem,
    My feet would stink of shite.

    I could use a towel,
    But that's not very fair,
    My wife might use the same one,
    When she dries her hair.

    So when the time arrives,
    And I know it's not a trump,
    I'll be prepared and ready,
    For a paperless dump.

    I will use an old poster,
    I have of Miley Cyrus,
    So you can kiss my fat clean arse,
    Damned Corona virus!!

    Do you not remember this one from school:

    In days of old
    When knights were bold
    And paper weren't invented,
    They'd wipe their arse
    On blades of grass
    And went home quite contented.

    (Yes, I know lines four and five don't rhyme anywhere north of Coventry.)
  • A man walks into a bar

    The doors are locked 
  • Mr. Happy said:
    ozaddick said:
    I’ve just been thrown out of my local supermarket by the manger.
    He said I can’t have milk, eggs, cheese or even yogurt!
     How diary! 

    I’ll get me coat... 
    Don't forget your diary either mate. 
    Hahaha! I was rather pissed when I typed that! 
  • ozaddick said:
    Mr. Happy said:
    ozaddick said:
    I’ve just been thrown out of my local supermarket by the manger.
    He said I can’t have milk, eggs, cheese or even yogurt!
     How diary! 

    I’ll get me coat... 
    Don't forget your diary either mate. 
    Hahaha! I was rather pissed when I typed that! 
    Liar liar pants on fire!
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  • That’s great......but where is it?
  • Well it looks like Leeds Castle, Kent and definitely not Wankashire.
  • Think its Hever Castle
  • That’s great......but where is it?

    Just follow the tissue trail.
  • Glad to find out last night that my locksmith is a key worker 
  • But my piano tuner isn't. 
  • What about dockers? Are they quay people?
  • Spanish waiters almost qualify but they just say qué.
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