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Jokes..

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  • A piece of string walks into a pub and asks for a pint. The barman says "I'm sorry, we don't serve string in here."

    The piece of string leaves and ties itself in a knot and rolls around on the floor. It then walks back into the pub, heads up to the bar and asks for a pint.

    The barman says "aren't you the piece of string I just refused to serve?" The string replies, "no, I'm a frayed knot." 
  • Just a heads up, If you get an email from the department of health staying not to eat tinNed pork because it contains corvid19 , ignore it as it spam,
  • A Dad joke.

    An elderly man wrote to his son in prison bemoaning the fact that he was unable to dig his tomato patch.

    in his allotted phone call the son implored his father not to dig the tomato patch because that’s where the bodies were buried.

    Within hours a team of detectives turned up with spades to dig up the tomato patch.  No bodies.

    ”Sorry Dad’ wrote the son ‘that was the best I could do”
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  • edited April 1
    From my pal in Thailand....

    Anyone for fried eggs with basil massage erotic horse? I suppose it's better than chicken in spit.

  • From my pal in Thailand....

    Anyone for fried eggs with basil massage erotic horse? I suppose it's better than chicken in spit.

    You can get penetrate whole porker in Bexley (The Millers)
  • From my pal in Thailand....

    Anyone for fried eggs with basil massage erotic horse? I suppose it's better than chicken in spit.

    You can get penetrate whole porker in Bexley (The Millers)
    Heck
  • Solidgone said:
    I went into Tescos and asked the member of staff. 'If I stand 200cm away please can you throw me a red salad vegetable to me?'

    Staff member said 'Don't you mean tomato?'

    I replied, 'Well, I say 2 metre you say 'tomato'
    Of course the poor staff member needed clarification, tomato is a fruit.
  • I feel sorry for the scousers at the moment. Not easy picking a pocket from 2 metres. 
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  • I’ve had so many people tell me Bill Withers has died, I keep saying, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know......
  • Greenie said:
    I’ve had so many people tell me Bill Withers has died, I keep saying, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know......
    It was a very sad daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
  • Who is he and what is he to you?
  • iaitch said:
    Who is he and what is he to you?
    Are you mimicking an owl😉
  • No just a Bill Withers song.
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Roland Out!