Jokes..

AddicksAddict

Geology rocks but geography is where it's at.

thai malaysia addick

During the lockdown, I've spent all my time doing an online escapology course. Unfortunately, I failed the exam. I think I need to get out more.

DaveMehmet

Not quite a joke but my wife was looking at steam floor cleaners and showed me this review.

CharltonKerry

LoOkOuT

My first experience at the new Social Distancing Massage Parlour wasn’t good.

The masseuse took my money and told me to stand six feet back. Well, that really rubbed me the wrong way.

AddicksAddict

Do German lesbians ever say “Ich liebe dich”?

Taxi_Lad

****CORONAVIRUS UPDATE - SPORT****

From today football can be played but only by members of the same family. 

Norwich v Ipswich kicks off at 8pm

carly burn

I've been off work that long I've started to develop a Scouse accent!

Solidgone

Solidgone

Solidgone

Stig

BR3red

This should really go on the “What women say thread” ..... unfortunately it was my lad 🙈

Was looking for a new car on Autotrader.....





Son: Dad, what does LHD mean?

Me: Left hand drive

Son: Well, that’s just stupid that they make cars just for left handers 😳

Me : 🙈

Sillybilly

stackitsteve

Sillybilly

guinnessaddick

https://twitter.com/shaun_bowie/status/1265003586951327745?s=20

Sillybilly

guinnessaddick

https://twitter.com/vizcomic/status/1264476479489900544?s=20

guinnessaddick

Sillybilly said:

His eyes don't look too good, best jump in a car.

Solidgone

Solidgone

Solidgone

fat man on a moped

paulie8290

I posted this is the Twitter thread but incase people miss it in there, this is quality by Paddy McGuinness 

https://twitter.com/PaddyMcGuinness/status/1265314862491631617?s=19

ForeverAddickted

My wife just yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned I replied, "No..."
She responded, "How about now?"

AddicksAddict

Sillybilly said:

Ms AA asked why wearing a mask of Radar from MASH would help. 

Taxi_Lad

carly burn

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.

They said, "Is this your wife sir?"

Shocked, I answered, " Yes."

They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she has been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality

Blackheathen

Laugh out loud.  Even my wife laughed (which I didn’t expect)