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Les Dennis

245

Comments

  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,641
    You know the day I met Bill Clinton... when he was actually president at the time. Have i mentioned this? Well anyway the day i met him whilst having a drink in a bar in Hong Kong... i got him in a good and proper headlock. didnt go anywhere for hours.
    Did you keep the dress you were wearing?
  • Chirpy Red
    Chirpy Red Posts: 7,587
    I punched Bruce Forsyth in the back of the head when he wasn't looking. Didn't I do well?
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,641
    I punched Bruce Forsyth in the back of the head when he wasn't looking. Didn't I do well?
    I just chinned him
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,914
    Was at the Orchard for a panto once when I suspected Brian Conley had copped off with my missus while I nipped for a jimmy during the interval. Confronted him about it during the second half, but had to give him a pass when 300 people said oh no he didn't.
  • JiMMy 85
    JiMMy 85 Posts: 10,202
    I got my mate to kneel behind Joanna Lumley while I shoved her over once. That'll learn her, I thought. If my girlfriend was with me, she would have knifed her husband in the chest. And then I sat down at the nearest table and said "who wants some?"


  • RodneyCharltonTrotta
    RodneyCharltonTrotta Posts: 14,838
    Had a bare knuckle row with Tommy Cooper that went on for hours til some grass called the Fez.
  • Macronate
    Macronate Posts: 12,915
    I punched Bruce Forsyth in the back of the head when he wasn't looking. Didn't I do well?
    I punched Bruce Forsyth in the back of the head when he wasn't looking. Didn't I do well?
    I just chinned him
    you don't get anything for a pair...

  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,914
    I politely said to Catherine Tate once I wasn't really a fan of her show, and she turned round and spat in my face. I couldn't react because she's a bird and I'm old skool, but what a fu**in liberty.
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,641
    I politely said to Catherine Tate once I wasn't really a fan of her show, and she turned round and spat in my face. I couldn't react because she's a bird and I'm old skool, but what a fu**in liberty.
    Do we look bothered?

  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,060
    I got spat on by some dog for lamping her bloke. Bob Carolgees I think his name was...

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  • Shag
    Shag Posts: 4,557
    I dont like it when people split up so when he dumped Heidi Klum I just had to club him
  • Greenie
    Greenie Posts: 9,172
    I smashed the living shite out of Jimmy Krankie back 25 years ago...after he yelled fandabeedozie at my Great Grandmother, I have never been so offended, filthy language, and from a schoolboy!
  • Greenie
    Greenie Posts: 9,172
    I knocked Tommy Cooper out with a peach of a right cross...just like that!
  • Dizzle
    Dizzle Posts: 5,190
    I had an interview with a blacksmiths the other day.

    He said "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

    So i said "No, but ive told a donkey to f*ck off!
  • EastStand
    EastStand Posts: 4,110
    I once bottled Adrian Chiles for getting his knob out at a bus stop.
    My Granddad's ghost was there and he was mightily offended.
    I smashed a Beck's Vier bottle right in his chops.
    Sorted him right out.
  • JT
    JT Posts: 12,348
    image
  • Macronate
    Macronate Posts: 12,915
    i knocked Ted Rogers spark out with a 3-2-1 combination
  • Oakster
    Oakster Posts: 6,812
    I was so annoyed by his dodgy weather forecast before the 1987 Hurricane, that at the first opportunity I took on Michael Fish toe to toe.

    Absolutely battered him.
  • gilbertfilbert
    gilbertfilbert Posts: 2,282
    edited March 2012
    Heard Hawtry was a handful on the babysham soundas you done well there
    Hawtrey was a hard bastard. Ran Deal firm.
  • McLovin
    McLovin Posts: 2,307
    I was forced to lay out John Motson a couple of years back. He was on the Final Score giving it the big one about an FA Cup giant killing. Mentioned Scunthorpe several times. I wouldn't mind but my old mum was sitting next to me. I got right on the train and stormed up to him. He thought I wanted an authograph and reached for a pen, but I just took him out with a 2005 bottle of New Zealand cabernet sauvignon. I didn't hang around, after wiping my kebab paper on Dixons window I left. I wasn't taking that from a BBC stallwart. My shirt was covered in blood because Lawro had been scratching at me while I chillisauced Dixons.

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  • falconwood_1
    falconwood_1 Posts: 7,368
    I clumped the Chuckle Brothers.

    Not laughing anymore.
  • Shag
    Shag Posts: 4,557
    I completely ironed out Statler and Waldorf after they mouthed me off one night , couple of muppets
  • Chirpy Red
    Chirpy Red Posts: 7,587
    I beat up the Pancake Chef in our local restaurant......Tosser!
  • sam3110
    sam3110 Posts: 21,382
    I had to clobber David Dickinson a few years ago, told my mother her chest was 'a load of tat' and he wouldn't be able to do anything with it. He then declared to one of the producers that she looked 'cheap as chips' and that she wouldn't be able to resist taking on his 'real bobbly-dazzler'.

    Slimy orange prick
  • Mendonca In Asdas
    Mendonca In Asdas Posts: 22,674
    Is this the .... I took drugs when i was a student thread? :-0
  • Its_Hamer_Time
    Its_Hamer_Time Posts: 1,565
    I once gave David Jason a sweet left hook.... he called me a Plonker in front of my dear old granny!! What fucking liberty, useing language like that!!!
  • BIG_ROB
    BIG_ROB Posts: 5,274
    I had it with a geezer in the fish 'n' chip shop once, he got battered!

    True story...
  • buckshee
    buckshee Posts: 7,869
    I called Sean Hughes a Palace twat a couple of days after our play off victory.

    Had said he was wanting us to win the play offs , I told him I was over the moon they went down
  • Pelham123
    Pelham123 Posts: 380
    Working on my fruit and veg stall I once had to slap old Forsyth with a wonky cucumber. Told me I'd get nothing for a pear in this game.
  • seth plum
    seth plum Posts: 53,448
    Once had Sooty staring me out, when I asked him 'who you looking at?' he was too ignorant to answer, just whispered some chite to the bloke next to him. Stuck a soddin' magic wand that was hanging about right up his fundament!

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