Favourite Two Ronnies scetch?

I used to love watching the Two Ronnies as a kid. Great to see that the sketches have stood the test of time.

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. Or is this an urban myth that Ronnie Barker actually did this. Nonetheless, it's funny.


This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and
shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,
and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible
huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had
tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let
Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She
turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six
dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise,
there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said
Rindercella, and she ran out tripping b**** over ollocks, so dropping
her slassglipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and
the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg
and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.
"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking
brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slassglipper on both the sugly
isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slassglipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking
ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a
follen swanny.

Stig said:

Mendonca In Asdas said:

Loved the 2 Ronnies , up there with Morecombe and Wise.

Dare I say it? Better than Morcambe and Wise. No offence meant to Eric and Ernie; just a huge compliment to The Two Ronnies.

You can say it. You would be wrong, but you can say it... ;-)

But I am the worlds biggest M & W fan, so I might be a tad biased?

Name droppers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QW-c9yk9EI

Rizzo said:

lordromford said:

lordromford said:

Mastermind -
Specialist subject - answering the question before the one just asked.

Quality.

Link:
youtu.be/y0C59pI_ypQ

That one is prue quality. The other one I liked was the two of them on the phone next to each other and the two halves of their conversations meshing together to say something completely different!

these 2, plus 4 candles. Ronnie B was a master with word play..........

I'm gonna see if I can find some raspberry ripple crisps.

No doubt already mentioned but four candles, mastermind and the public pay phone are probably my top 3

lordromford said:

Mastermind -
Specialist subject - answering the question before the one just asked.

Quality.

Agree, the best by far.

https://youtu.be/y0C59pI_ypQ

http://www.google.co.uk/url?q=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h-mX9T2qyIQ&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwiqyM3el_PLAhWCyRoKHTNZA9MQyCkIEjAA&sig2=IjAWZThQ1iqyFJNjV89dTw&usg=AFQjCNG-fJ3nyoL9AV5NmsiRLzNnfXjkbA

I mentioned on the RIP Ronnie thread that Mrs cafcfan is reading Ronnie C's autobiography.

She's just got to a bit explaining the origins of the four candles sketch.

It seems a viewer who ran a hardware store in Hayes wrote in with the idea - it happened to him in real life - as did the garden hoes bit. They used them in the sketch but just to add to the confusion between hoes and hose, included the bit about the letter Os as in Mon Repos and the other stuff.