Least Plausible Story involving you that's true.
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My apologies.Raith_C_Chattonell said:
Had to google quite a bit of this post.RedMist said:Enjoying a little 69 fun with an old girlfriend, she was on top, I opened my eyes to see a dingleberry hanging from her balloon knot.
Just at that moment it dropped off and straight down my throat , out of reflex i swallowed and it was gone.
Never heard of a dingleberry before and even then only fell in when I saw this image of a balloon knot. I feel as though you've robbed me of an innocence that I can never get back.
I'm changing my profile picture now
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Not me but a few years back I went out with mates for a curry on Christmas Eve. One night between Christmas and New Year a few of us went to the pub. One of the group told us that after the curry a member of the group found out he had a daughter he didn’t know about. A bit of Facebook searching and someone found her along with the photo of her daughter. The daughter had her dads eyes, there was no doubt, she was definitely his. The mother was a girl we were at school with from a year or two below who we didn’t know but knew of.
Not long after this girl walks into the pub with another of our mates (no doubt he had been or was expecting to sleep with her). We then hear the story again and pretend we knew nothing about it. It turned out a doctor had told her she couldn’t have children. The dad had an arrogant side to him and was probably quite smug at the thought of his super sperm.0 -
That I’m Omar’s stunt double.2
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When I was a sixth-former in the early '70s, I showed Princess Margaret how to use a computer.0
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The ex-boyfriend of the cousin of the best friend of the sister of Limahl's boyfriend in 1979 is....me!2
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You’ve been very shy shy about that one.AddicksAddict said:The ex-boyfriend of the cousin of the best friend of the sister of Limahl's boyfriend in 1979 is....me!
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Did he have Theresa May on the crossbar?Brendan_O_Connell said:When Sir Boris was Mayor of London he knocked my wing mirror off of my car near London Bridge with his bike.
He stopped and offered to pay for the damage, but I politely refused, telling him there was no way I could take money from the future Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.1 -
I once ran over a bridge in London.A-R-T-H-U-R said:
No. The, 'that's true' bit in the title pretty much covers that._MrDick said:Is the the CL version of Would I lie to you?
I once ran over a Buddhist monk in Kathmandu.1 -
Zinedine Bagheri said:
My best mates dad's birthday is the same day as my dad's birthday. And his mums birthday is the same day as my mums birthday. Not born in the same year but still, what are the odds of that?
1 in 364 to the power of 2, or 1 in 364 x 365, or 1 in 365 x 365, depending on any of the years being leap years.0 -
Beerbods (https://beerbods.co.uk) used a picture of Ms AA and me drinking their beer on their share offer brochure.0
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Too shy shy some might say.DaveMehmet said:
You’ve been very shy shy about that one.AddicksAddict said:The ex-boyfriend of the cousin of the best friend of the sister of Limahl's boyfriend in 1979 is....me!
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When I was at school, aged 12, I was shot at point blank range by a Bobcat air rifle.0
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Remember him talking about this a few years ago, after he scored the winning pen in the soccer aid match.hawksmoor said:Me and my workmates were playing football over Regent's Park when Woody Harrelson (who was in a play in the West End at the time) walked over and asked if he could play. He was on my side. So there was a lot of, 'Woody, Woody, just a touch, mate.' He played the next week, as well.
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Nt so long winded was the night Diana died I woke up and told the missus having not heard any news that Id had a dream shed died on a speedboat.
Bit long winded but a lesson
Whilst working as manager in bookies In Greenwich came home late one night and still had my shop keys and decided to sleep in my chair. Woke up about 1am and though fck this and locked up and walked home.
Turned up for work about 9am ready to set the shop up for the day and found the back door kicked in right next to my chair. Now my mind is racing trying to recall anything and thinking, fck mine, think I would have had heart attack if that happened with me sound asleep next to it. Checked the shop and found the Fruit Machine smashed to bits and about £60 taken.
Police turn up and I let them in with eyes like piss holes in the snow and low and behold they turn up with a fcking camera crew recording a TV programme about burglaries (these shows are 10 a penny now but only BBC, ITV and Sky 1 then) they come in and I do my interview on screen as Im talking I look down and see the safe slightly open, hurry the interview as quick as I could and kick them out and run back to the safe and find everything untouched to the penny from the day before, about £3.5k (in about 1999)
The crack heads have come in, smashed up a fruit machine and didn't even check the safe, saved me my job, and taught me about the dangers of borrowing a score from the safe when your pissed to get fags and sandwich on the way home.17 -
I'm mates with Caroline Barker, who's a presenter on Radio 5 and did that football league review on C5 with big Chris Iwelumo. Anyway... Her parents own a house with a big garden and a big barn/shed at the bottom of it. A few mates went back to hers after a night on the sauce, and for reasons I cannot remember I went into the barn. In my drunken state I didn't realise I was standing on top of a wasp nest until I'd been stung about 50 times.
I ran screaming into her house and woke her parents up, who luckily had a supply of Wasp-eze. This, for them, is apparently their favourite story of all time.12 -
If he’d said clegnut you’d’ve known straightaway what he meant right...Raith_C_Chattonell said:
Had to google quite a bit of this post.RedMist said:Enjoying a little 69 fun with an old girlfriend, she was on top, I opened my eyes to see a dingleberry hanging from her balloon knot.
Just at that moment it dropped off and straight down my throat , out of reflex i swallowed and it was gone.
Never heard of a dingleberry before and even then only fell in when I saw this image of a balloon knot. I feel as though you've robbed me of an innocence that I can never get back.1 -
I was once on the cover of Darts World monthly when I was 120
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My uncles sister was married to one of Gaddafis nephews. Spent half the year in Ireland half the year in Libya.2
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With thanks to my Mum, who mentioned this story last night and reminded me.
A couple of years ago my Mum was driving my car to Hythe to visit family whilst I was at work, when the car was hit from behind on the A20. A Dutch ambulance transporting a patient back to the UK had rammed my car into the back of an AA recovery truck. Everyone was okay, whiplash and some cuts & bruises but the car was a write off. Police attended briefly and then left everyone to sort themselves out once they realised that everyone was okay. The ambulance staff had even offered to check over my Mum and sister, but a UK service attended thankfully.
Following up with the insurance company was a nightmare as it was a foreign registered vehicle, lots of back and forth with emails/letters/phonecalls to try and sort it out. A couple of weeks later, I was watching the news when the ambulance that had written off my car popped up on the screen. Turned out that it was a fake ambulance being used to smuggle drugs. The police had been watching/tracking them for ages. Insurance paid out pretty quickly after I phoned and told them that!
The ambulance pictured in this story is the exact one that smashed my car up: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-3670258926 -
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Did you live ?LawrieAbrahams said:When I was at school, aged 12, I was shot at point blank range by a Bobcat air rifle.
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I represented Kent at boxing. Nobody at the Orpington Amateur Boxing Club could understand how I was picked as I was hopeless. But my name was chosen and I fought bravely against a lad from Essex for just over 45 seconds.23
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On Christmas day 2004 I was talking to my Nan about geogeraphy as I was studying it at A level at the time. She mentions about there 'never being any major disasters that kill people any more'.
I said to her that statistically these events don't happen very often but they do still happen. I go into how there are 1 in 20 year events, 1 in 50 and so on and mention that we are due a 1 in 100 year tsunami any day now. Wake up the next day and you probably know what has happened.
To this day my nan still blames for the "preventable" deaths of 250,000 people.17 -
Balearic beach bar circa 1990, uber tanned skandi motherly type Inga takes me back to her villa for a coupla days international relations. Two days later in the same bar, familiar looking but more my own age Steffi says "Hi, Mamma tells me you do very good sex, so come to my villa with me, yes?" Ever the gentleman I accepted. At breakfast next day I was the least relaxed of we 3 there present, to put it mildly. I & S however entirely at ease. And before all you perverts get overexcited, no, there was no 3 way, that would've been weird...26
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Back in the beginning of September 2001 I woke up saying ‘what the f*ck..!???’ after a very realistic dream. I was rattled for days after.
It wasn’t what happened in the dream, but the emotions I was experiencing. I was driving along in my work van when I turned onto a road, which had a palm tree in the middle of a roundabout further down the way. As I begin driving down the road I wanna suddenly over come with the emotions that were of absolute dread and dumbfounded disbelieve, and I’m my dream I was shouting ‘NO...NO!! Holy f*~k.. NO!!! .” etc etc. As I said, I woke up in a bit of a state, it felt so real.
A few days later, I’m round my housemates mate, having a feed, I’d only met him a couple of times and it was the first time round his gaff.
After I left, I got lost driving. I turned at a junction, into the road in my dreams a few nights before, with a palm tree in the distance. The emotions and feelings of the dream came back and hit my like a feckin tidal wave, I was punching the steering wheel yelling “NO!! No way!!” I was in disbelief.
Finally made it home, grabbed a beer, switched on the box and tried to calm down.
15 minutes later the program cut to a news flash... a commercial jet had crashed into one of the World trade centre twin towers.... the timing of the crash was exactly when I was driving along that road with the palm tree.
I’ve had other ones, but not on that scale.
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I’m still fecking waiting for the dream of the lottery numbers.6
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I had sex with a woman.1
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Close the thread we have a winner! We are now totally in the realms of fantasy.smudge7946 said:I had sex with a woman.
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Didn't realise the twin towers were shaped like palm trees. Thought they were in NY not Vegas.ozaddick said:Back in the beginning of September 2001 I woke up saying ‘what the f*ck..!???’ after a very realistic dream. I was rattled for days after.
It wasn’t what happened in the dream, but the emotions I was experiencing. I was driving along in my work van when I turned onto a road, which had a palm tree in the middle of a roundabout further down the way. As I begin driving down the road I wanna suddenly over come with the emotions that were of absolute dread and dumbfounded disbelieve, and I’m my dream I was shouting ‘NO...NO!! Holy f*~k.. NO!!! .” etc etc. As I said, I woke up in a bit of a state, it felt so real.
A few days later, I’m round my housemates mate, having a feed, I’d only met him a couple of times and it was the first time round his gaff.
After I left, I got lost driving. I turned at a junction, into the road in my dreams a few nights before, with a palm tree in the distance. The emotions and feelings of the dream came back and hit my like a feckin tidal wave, I was punching the steering wheel yelling “NO!! No way!!” I was in disbelief.
Finally made it home, grabbed a beer, switched on the box and tried to calm down.
15 minutes later the program cut to a news flash... a commercial jet had crashed into one of the World trade centre twin towers.... the timing of the crash was exactly when I was driving along that road with the palm tree.
I’ve had other ones, but not on that scale.0 -
Wow! Really entering in to the spirit of the thread!harveys_gardener said:
Didn't realise the twin towers were shaped like palm trees. Thought they were in NY not Vegas.ozaddick said:Back in the beginning of September 2001 I woke up saying ‘what the f*ck..!???’ after a very realistic dream. I was rattled for days after.
It wasn’t what happened in the dream, but the emotions I was experiencing. I was driving along in my work van when I turned onto a road, which had a palm tree in the middle of a roundabout further down the way. As I begin driving down the road I wanna suddenly over come with the emotions that were of absolute dread and dumbfounded disbelieve, and I’m my dream I was shouting ‘NO...NO!! Holy f*~k.. NO!!! .” etc etc. As I said, I woke up in a bit of a state, it felt so real.
A few days later, I’m round my housemates mate, having a feed, I’d only met him a couple of times and it was the first time round his gaff.
After I left, I got lost driving. I turned at a junction, into the road in my dreams a few nights before, with a palm tree in the distance. The emotions and feelings of the dream came back and hit my like a feckin tidal wave, I was punching the steering wheel yelling “NO!! No way!!” I was in disbelief.
Finally made it home, grabbed a beer, switched on the box and tried to calm down.
15 minutes later the program cut to a news flash... a commercial jet had crashed into one of the World trade centre twin towers.... the timing of the crash was exactly when I was driving along that road with the palm tree.
I’ve had other ones, but not on that scale.
When we played in Newcastle back in the Prem days,ended up in Sainsbury's for a sarnie - as I grabbed it a hand came from behind me to grab it too.
It was Peter Beardsley (he'd finished his playing days by then, possibly).
Had a chat and gave him the sarnie.
What a story eh?4
