Child Support payment query/advice please

As it happens, my last ever maintenance payment is next month when my eldest officially starts her Degree Apprenticeship.

I've been paying £600pm for the one daughter for the last 17.5 years.  That doesn't include regular pocket money, her mobile phone bill, iPhones, iPads, Laptops or anything else she has needed.  I had her every other weekend and for the first 14 years, she was staying with me during school holidays too.  She finished A-Levels last year but until she decided what her next move was, I've continued paying just in case she changed her mind and went through Uni.  

I was the one taking her on holidays, taking her on days out making memories with her, I loved every minute of being around her.  I'm one of the lucky ones though.  Plenty of people I know havent been so lucky.  The ex-wife and I get on better now than we ever did and it has always been amicable.  She always said that she wanted me in our daughters life.  On the other hand, I've got friends that havent seen their kids for years!

One things for sure, when you do the Maths its proper scary numbers but my relationship with her has been worth every penny of what I haven't seen and the sacrifices I've had to make as a result.  No doubt she'll require bank of Dad/Step Mum assistance as various points in the future and I'll be there for her every step of the way (within reason!)

golfaddick said:

ShootersHillGuru said:

Some fathers don’t pay anything.

Some ex-wives don't either.

When I divorced 14 years ago I started paying my ex £600pm for my 3 kids. Informal arrangement and I saw my kids most weeks, having them to stay every other weekend. 

Then 6.5 years ago the kids (then 15, 14 & 12) fell out with their mum & came to live with me. Around this time she stopped working due to injuring her knee at work. She has not worked since & not paid me a penny either. I could have gone to CMS and got £7per week as she was on benefits but couldnt be arsed. I mean, who wouldn't want to help someone bring up their children. 

Exactly. Luckily I’m not divorced, but if I was and my wife asked for money for new school shoes, she would get my share. 

Todds_right_hook said:

usetobunkin said:

bobmunro said:

Reading this thread hits home to me how fortunate I am to have only had one wife, and mother of our children. 

Absolutely agree, met my wife 51 years ago. 

(Never a cross word!)
Somebody asked Alan Sugar what was the best decision he made, he replied marrying the right person.

Personal question here, are you deaf? 😂😂

When it suits me!

I've got a long painful experience with this one, after years of paying well over and above the CMS calculator rate by choice and then my ex trying to squeeze money out of me she wasn't entitled to. Won't bore you with the details, but it took extraordinary efforts to right a wrong. The CMS told me themselves they prioritise the mother, the burden of proof is always with the father, and they're not hugely interested in considering both sides of the equation. If you want to reduce male suicides start there. Took my MP to sort my situation out, and court to get my money back.

But despite all that I will say this. Child maintenance is for your child. Any father trying to get away with the lowest amount possible is entirely missing the point. Use the calculator, be honest about your income, and pay what it tells you.

Someone will say, but what if she spends it on herself and not your child?  I know it's frustrating when that happens, but unless she's depriving your kid a happier mother will make a happier child. Suck it up, put your kid first. 

rikofold said:

Chippycafc said:

Used to be 20%for the 1st child and  5% per child thereafter. No idea what it is now. 

It's complicated these days, hence they provide a calculator. Many variables, including how many nights a year the children are with their mother compared to you. Even if it's 50/50, unless you can prove fully equal responsibility for day to day care - and good luck with that - they'll still slam you. Burden of proof is with the father, they'll believe any old crap the mother tells them. 

That's for sure !!!

Todds_right_hook said:

Charlton and on said:

He paid £160 a month and now has to pay £120?

Either way, it costs more than that to raise a kid.

But he has three kids. I know someone who paid £500/m for his daughter, met someone else and had another kid. As a result, his £500 dropped to £250, then there’s the mother’s contribution. Based on that, £160 is about right. 

Sounds like OP is trying to do the right thing but I'm shocked the government calculate it to be so low. Especially on the total earnings provided. 

 Everyone should want to give their child the best start possible and £160/120 doesn't cover it. That's just a fact, no matter what a calculator suggests.

Chippycafc said:

rikofold said:

Chippycafc said:

Used to be 20%for the 1st child and  5% per child thereafter. No idea what it is now. 

It's complicated these days, hence they provide a calculator. Many variables, including how many nights a year the children are with their mother compared to you. Even if it's 50/50, unless you can prove fully equal responsibility for day to day care - and good luck with that - they'll still slam you. Burden of proof is with the father, they'll believe any old crap the mother tells them. 

Feels like you went through the ringer too. My ex even asked for the money to be paid on the 1st of each month so her tiny mortgage was paid. Not sure where feeding and clothing the kids came into it.

Your right they seem to tell any old porkie and believe them. 

I have a terrible record with choosing partners, as a previous long thread will testify to. 

This one was even more special than the ex wife.