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100 prepared reasons why you were rubbish at the match

3blokes
3blokes Posts: 4,611
edited May 2007 in General Charlton
1. You could not find Billy's Boots ( Scorcher readers will understand this)
2. You were played hopelessly out of position.
3. The pitch was the worst playing surface you've ever played on. (This one will require a lot of front)
4. The manager stifled your creative flair with his pedestrian tactics.
5. Your team mates were always 2 passes behind your footballing genius.
6. You had spent the prior evening in a night club with Marcus Bent who had given you a few bits of advice.
7. The ball was at the incorrect pressure which ruined your precision passing and made you miskick horribly every time it came your way.
8. You can only really perform on the international stage.
9. You suffer from a rare syndrome that makes you unaccountably fat/drunk/unfit overnight.
10. You picked up a knock in your last game. ( valid for matches up to 10 years ago)

Comments

  • LoOkOuT
    LoOkOuT Posts: 10,922
    11.You couldn't see for the bright lights of Medders' flash going off in your face everytime you touched the ball.
  • carlsberg
    carlsberg Posts: 1,383
    edited May 2007
    12. My family have turned up to laugh at my over hit passes, sliced shots, fail throw ins, air volleys ( yea the ones where you spin right round), tripping over the ball whilst trying fancy step overs..........so i thought id better not disappoint them.
  • LoOkOuT
    LoOkOuT Posts: 10,922
    13. I was shite in the first match as I thought it was just a warm-up.
  • carlsberg
    carlsberg Posts: 1,383
    lol.
  • LoOkOuT
    LoOkOuT Posts: 10,922
    14. I was shite in the second match because I thought it was a warm-down.
  • carlsberg
    carlsberg Posts: 1,383
    edited May 2007
    15. my hands where cold and i forgot my Diawara gloves
  • 3blokes
    3blokes Posts: 4,611
    15. I was just copying Carlsberg :)
  • carlsberg
    carlsberg Posts: 1,383
    oi!
  • LoOkOuT
    LoOkOuT Posts: 10,922
    16. When Maria scored that bicycle kick (I mean the second one, in the first half) I knew the stakes had risen. I thought I better pull off something spectacular just to keep everyone from laughing at me. And that's when I landed on my head.
  • LoOkOuT
    LoOkOuT Posts: 10,922
    17. For the goalkeepers: I played most of the match concussed after tipping Maria's volley around the post and striking my head on the upright. I'm used to larger goals, you know, like they have on the continent.

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  • LoOkOuT
    LoOkOuT Posts: 10,922
    18. For those who chicken out before showtime: Well, it's not that I don't want to play, you see, but I've just found out that my registration is held by a third-party in South America and I really don't want to bring all of the good work you've done for the Demelza kiddies into jeopardy.
  • aliwibble
    aliwibble Posts: 27,143
    19. Your shorts ripped the first time you went in for a tackle, so you were desperately trying not to indecently expose yourself.
    20. You spent the prior evening in a night club with Marcus Bent trying to pick you up. (For the ladies only I guess)
  • MCS
    MCS Posts: 8,404
    21, Because i am crap!
  • kigelia
    kigelia Posts: 2,583
    22. because your laces were of inferior quality
  • WSS
    WSS Posts: 25,108
    edited May 2007
    23. My missus was in the crowd and i was nervous about what the minibus lot were going to say to her after the game. Fortunately they kept schtum but if i knew that before i would have played like Ronaldinho
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 58,113
    23. Because you got too stressed with the organising, you forgot how to kick a ball.
  • MariaCAFC
    MariaCAFC Posts: 1,152
    [cite]Posted By: LoOkOuT[/cite]16. When Maria scored that bicycle kick (I mean the second one, in the first half) I knew the stakes had risen. I thought I better pull off something spectacular just to keep everyone from laughing at me. And that's when I landed on my head.
    [cite]Posted By: LoOkOuT[/cite]17. For the goalkeepers: I played most of the match concussed after tipping Maria's volley around the post and striking my head on the upright. I'm used to larger goals, you know, like they have on the continent.


    LOL - Yeah right!!!

    ;-)

    Mx
  • F-Blocker
    F-Blocker Posts: 3,409
    Sounds like Maria's got some pretty impressive ball-handling skills! ;o)
  • MariaCAFC
    MariaCAFC Posts: 1,152
    LOL :-P

    xx
  • Stu_of_Kunming
    Stu_of_Kunming Posts: 17,151
    24. I got so scared about the game I got in a scrap with a bunch of yids in order to get injured so I can pull out.

    What a plan, oh what a plan.

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  • Ketman
    Ketman Posts: 6,796
    edited May 2007
    25. Cos the Oppo spent the whole game hacking me down for no apparent reason.
    26. Cos my Dad was there & he never watches me play, he makes me nervous.
  • guinnessaddick
    guinnessaddick Posts: 29,036
    27. In my head I can still do it, my body not too sure.
  • Alex Wright
    Alex Wright Posts: 8,214
    28 the dog ate my managers game plan notes
  • Henry Irving
    Henry Irving Posts: 85,444
    29. That Trickyricky was too fast and too fit for me.
  • heavenSE7
    heavenSE7 Posts: 1,282
    30. The wind took it over my head.
  • cunningstunt87
    cunningstunt87 Posts: 1,100
    Tut tut. People getting excuses in for poor performances already. When you're as good as me guys you won't need to worry about excuses!
  • MariaCAFC
    MariaCAFC Posts: 1,152
    [cite]Posted By: cunningstunt87[/cite]Tut tut. People getting excuses in for poor performances already. When you're as good as me guys you won't need to worry about excuses!



    Now that is the type of comment that I would expect from Carling!! ;-)

    xx
  • cunningstunt87
    cunningstunt87 Posts: 1,100
    Why? Does s/he think they're as great as me?

    Pffft!!!

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