MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Charlton Dan

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Ledge

so true funny how it seems.

Goonerhater

Mate you dont know how true that is. In the last petrol shortage i was quing up with the rest of Sarf London behind this woman. When she got to the pump the cap was on the far side of the car oooooo FFS after she went back and forwards 6/7 times i got out of my car directed her back and filled it up (the petrol tank !!!) for her. As i put the hose back people got out their cars and clapped !!

nolly

i love your stories.

C_f_W

Superb...and mostly true.

pete_tong1

Sexist ;-)

suzisausage

i went to the cash point this morning and got stuck behind a bloke trying to get out £10. i was there about 15 mins. he walked up, then got his wallet out, then put the card in, the read every single instruction, cancelled the transaction a few times, got the money out, stayed there, counted it, tried to see if the £10 would divide into more notes once it was outside of the machine, took out his wallet, opened it, put the money in it, closed the wallet, put it back in his pocket, did up his jacket and then walked away.....

WSS

sure it wasnt a woman that just looked like a man suze? ;-)

suzisausage

defo not. he stank, had a beer gut and a beard....

on second thoughts, the good people of charlton all look like that - male or female!

WSS

[cite]Posted By: suzisausage[/cite]defo not. he stank, had a beer gut and a beard....

on second thoughts, the good people of charlton all look like that - male or female!

Erm, where's Curb_It?!

suzisausage

i meant to say lower charlton....by the station

les_says

it wasn't me, before anyone asks.....

Curb_It

lol.
i know whats she means tho.

Stone

Always make me smile...... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39qdhbkTko4

Stone

and as for beard growth...... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjxY9rZwNGU&feature=related

(is MCS really a fella or just a demented woman?)

Goonerhater

I come out of the bank in Blackheath this morning and walking back to the car hear all this hooting, horns blasting. i look round and toodling down the road is this car only going about 15 MPH, only thing its driving down the wrong way ! god knows how it happened but on it went and slowly pulls up next to me. This old boy gets out so i say " mate u do realise that u have just driven down the stret the wrong way ?" "no i aint he says" " why do u think they were all hooting you then ?" i ask he says " who was?????" he says.


If you know blackheath. he must have gone down where the one way system starts outside the Claredon ,gone aginst the flow of traffic past the Mexican restaurant to then turn down in front of oneals still going all the while the wrong way in the one way system.