about 1994 i set up an office for U2 in a 5 star hotel. They were on a World Tour. It had everything in it re a big f**k off office. There were two bedrooms attached to it and it was "staffed" by two very very very pretty dusky PAs.
One Monday about 7 am i get to work The GM is standing by my office gives me that Sundays NoTW and says " do you get any more money for seting up a brothel in my hotel ?" Turns out the "PAs" were "women of the nite" well actually 24 hours !! What made it worse the two ladies left me a bottle of champers to say thanks for looking after em (i wish !).
Not really embarassing for me, but I used to run the it for a small firm in islington. We had a thing about people eating at their desks us IT guys used to once a week do a shake test on keyboards to demonstrate the amount of crap that ended up in them.
It arrives at the turn of a guy in the office who always works long hours. I roll up give the keyboard a good shake and along with several loaves worth of bread crumbs were a significant number of short, curly, black hairs, that certainly didn't come from his head.
er actually it reminds me a few years back i got sent an email of a picture of a very very hairy man!! I didnt think the hair was real as it was all over body like a rug. Anyway it had a web address on the picture so i stupidly typed the flipping web address in the drop down web menu and clicked.. up appears a gay website with very hairy men in very naked shenanigans. i quickly closed down my computer.
Anyway a few weeks later a xerox technician came in to fix a network problem - came to my desk and asked me to go to the network website. I hit the drop down menu and thought i had hit xerox.com or something and walked off so he could work on my machine. He started yelling come back as then as I looked, there on my screen was a group of very large very naked hairy men... i had clicked on the wrong website.
I tried to declare that i didnt know how that had gotten into my memory bar. So ashamed.
Hairybears.com or something like that... dont look.
er actually it reminds me a few years back i got sent an email of a picture of a very very hairy man!! I didnt think the hair was real as it was all over body like a rug. Anyway it had a web address on the picture so i stupidly typed the flipping web address in the drop down web menu and clicked.. up appears a gay website with very hairy men in very naked shenanigans. i quickly closed down my computer.
Anyway a few weeks later a xerox technician came in to fix a network problem - came to my desk and asked me to go to the network website. I hit the drop down menu and thought i had hit xerox.com or something and walked off so he could work on my machine. He started yelling come back as then as I looked, there on my screen was a group of very large very naked hairy men... i had clicked on the wrong website.
I tried to declare that i didnt know how that had gotten into my memory bar. So ashamed.
Hairybears.com or something like that... dont look.
"er actually it reminds me a few years back i got sent an email of a picture of a very very hairy man!! I didnt think the hair was real as it was all over body like a rug. Anyway it had a web address on the picture so i stupidly typed the flipping web address in the drop down web menu and clicked.. up appears a gay website with very hairy men in very naked shenanigans. i quickly closed down my computer."
I had my annual hospital check up for diabetes a couple of weeks ago and was talking to the consultant about the half marathon and asked her if she knew of any companies who made specially designed packs so I can carry all my stuff with me.
She wasn't sure but told me to look at www.sugar as she thought they may be able to help. Tried it at work and it's an escort agency!
Involving others too many to mention, mine was probably talking to a realy fit policewoman at the scene of a fatal RTA. We had pulled the old telegraph pole out and were waiting for the other crew to bring out the new pole to drop in its place.
It was dark, visibility was poor and terrain was rough. To cut a long story short just when I'm talking to this woman about where she was going to be in Maistone that night I moved to let a fireman past and fell straight down the hole and got my boot stuck in the poxy thing. Took me about five minutes to get out and a lot longer to look at any of the workmates, coppers or other emergency service personel without them laughing at me.
I still cringe when I drive anywhere near that poxy pole
Many years ago I lost (maybe had it nicked) my briefcase. I therefore used a Tescos carrier bag for a few days until I could get a new one. Anyway unbeknown to me my dearly beloved had put some of my oldest daughter's dirty nappies (Terry towelling back then!) in a Tescos carrier bag prior to washing them. I was running late, so quickly grabbed what I thought was my carrier, slung it in the boot and arrived at work in the nick of time. I grabbed the bag out the boot, dashed into the office and empted what was meant to be pens, pencils, a rubber, ruler and calculator onto my desk ready for work.
You can imagine the mirth and merriment half a dozen dirty nappies landing on the desk caused!!
working on a touring production of frankenstein, the show begins with me crawling out of a blood spattered body bag. but it was very warm in there and i was knackered ... so fell asleep.. had them panicking back stage a bit.
great stories len and dicko, dicko i can just imagine you being all smooth then getting your big hairy boot stuck in a ditch you just created, gold haha
This thread, its got me thinking, but i cant actually remember being embarrassed ever, i dont really care! So i will tell one which if i wasnt like that then i could/should of been embarrassed! I used to work with my dad, he has a company fixing surveying equipment, i was 18 or so and as my dad had just split with his long term business partner, he started up his own company but from his house, me and my uncle worked there, it was mental, working in the great big house you grew up in. Customers/couriers would walk up the side ally and through the back gate to get in to our work area, walk through the gate and to the right of you was our room, massive window you could see us all, you had to walk in to the kitchin to get in, with the outside type toilet was the door to the right so looked like it would be the door for work room he was visiting. Anyway i was doing what i do best (droppping the kidds off, laying some cable, downloading some data, you no what i mean) in the bog when the door opens, with me sitting on the thrown trousers down my ankles when this poor courier dude standing there with a parcel that needs signing for, i directed him too where he needed to be but he was so embarrassed he wanted me to sign for it there and then, mid poo, and i had to re-iterate to him several times that i was busy, you no, pooing, it really was so funny at the time, and morts genius can verify! my old man always harks back to it, thinks it was genius!
A similar incident also occurered when we were due a visit from one of our biggest customers, top boss he was, called giles, i had never met him so it was tidy up tidy up tidy up to make a good impression, anyway was sitting in my seat when i hear a car reversing up the drive, thats it, it must be giles, look lively look professional is all that i am thinking, so when 'giles walks through the gate past the big window i saw what was the absolute spitting image of my brother 'Morts genius who posts on here' so i says to my uncle and my dad that giles looks just like my bro, they look at me as if i am mental, when morts genius walks in!!! It was my brother!!! what a bellend!! Giles turned up 5 minutes later looking nothing like by bro!! haha
You should of signed for the parcel though. One of the lads at work got caught crapping in the back of his van when caught short by a load of nosey school children who wanted to have a look in the van. He was standing/squatting with a tassle!! He pulled his overalls up so quick he got crap on his neck. Noone knew he got cuaght until one of the boys asked if we could smell shit, it was then noticed (I'd love to put his name on here but loose lips sink ships) that X had crap human poo splatted and smeared around the collar of the overalls and his neck/cheek.
one morning i got up slighty hungover for work it winter and dark so i dashed down the stairs put on my shoes and went to work during the day i got up walked accross to the kitchen upon arrival it was noted by a fellow member of staff that i had actually 1 brown shoe and 1 black. Hence i did not move from behind my desk allday!!
Ollie, ask your brother if he remembers when we worked at Lloyds together and I got hammered at lunchtime and collapsed in the toilet. They took me out in a wheelchair and I was waving and blowing kisses at the girls in the accounts (none of whom I knew) on the way out.
My worst was about 2 years ago. I was wearing a grey suit and had a meeting with the FT about our contract for next year.
As i thought this meeting may go on for some time i thought it may be prudent to go for a wee so i did. Unfortunately, i forgot the rule about completely shaking off and as i popped the lil fella back into his house, an un-explainable splurge of piss proceeded appeared in a 10cm wet patch on my grey trousers.
Thinking there was no way i could go into a meeting like this, i "mr bean'd" it by trying dry myself by elevating my leg onto the sink and turning on the hand dryer. After about 20 secs of doing this (still not dry) the guy i was meant to be having a meeting with walked in. It must have looked like i was humping the bloody hand dryer.
My other half is an IT trainer for a large law firm in the city, if she even so much as looked at facebook or myspace, instant dismissal, no arguments, no second chances, very hot on it.
I have this site and others saved, but I always, always, always at the end of the day go into options and delete all history and cookies etc.
Donkeys years back looked atfer this top building. Late one afternoon all the drains and toilets started to back up. Phoned tthe drain men, but 2 hours later they still wernt there and sewage was going all over the gaff. I thought id have a go at sorting it out. I found where the drains went into the main drain, it was inthis tiny store room. I cleared the room, put a large bucket on floor and opened the inspection hatch. Bone dry. So i got these drain rods stuck em down pipe and sure enough they hit a blockage.So im a momnet of total madness i gave this blockage a huge shove, and then i thought " o f**k 4 floors of sewage coming your way" i just had enough time to duck. The only problem was the pressure of the amount of sewage and that tiny room meant no hiding place. It all came out !!!
" Shi* on from a great height" yes i really do know what that is !! I walked past all these co workers and staright into shower fully clothed. One hour later the drain engineers turned up and cleared the mess up.
Comments
One Monday about 7 am i get to work The GM is standing by my office gives me that Sundays NoTW and says " do you get any more money for seting up a brothel in my hotel ?"
Turns out the "PAs" were "women of the nite" well actually 24 hours !! What made it worse the two ladies left me a bottle of champers to say thanks for looking after em (i wish !).
It arrives at the turn of a guy in the office who always works long hours. I roll up give the keyboard a good shake and along with several loaves worth of bread crumbs were a significant number of short, curly, black hairs, that certainly didn't come from his head.
er actually it reminds me a few years back i got sent an email of a picture of a very very hairy man!! I didnt think the hair was real as it was all over body like a rug. Anyway it had a web address on the picture so i stupidly typed the flipping web address in the drop down web menu and clicked.. up appears a gay website with very hairy men in very naked shenanigans. i quickly closed down my computer.
Anyway a few weeks later a xerox technician came in to fix a network problem - came to my desk and asked me to go to the network website. I hit the drop down menu and thought i had hit xerox.com or something and walked off so he could work on my machine. He started yelling come back as then as I looked, there on my screen was a group of very large very naked hairy men... i had clicked on the wrong website.
I tried to declare that i didnt know how that had gotten into my memory bar. So ashamed.
Hairybears.com or something like that... dont look.
Now we know how you met Tavern!!!!!!!
I had my annual hospital check up for diabetes a couple of weeks ago and was talking to the consultant about the half marathon and asked her if she knew of any companies who made specially designed packs so I can carry all my stuff with me.
She wasn't sure but told me to look at www.sugar as she thought they may be able to help. Tried it at work and it's an escort agency!
The boss is showing around a big German customer guy comes back gets internet page up and well you can imagine his face and the bosses face
Steam from the bosses eras
It was dark, visibility was poor and terrain was rough. To cut a long story short just when I'm talking to this woman about where she was going to be in Maistone that night I moved to let a fireman past and fell straight down the hole and got my boot stuck in the poxy thing. Took me about five minutes to get out and a lot longer to look at any of the workmates, coppers or other emergency service personel without them laughing at me.
I still cringe when I drive anywhere near that poxy pole
You can imagine the mirth and merriment half a dozen dirty nappies landing on the desk caused!!
This thread, its got me thinking, but i cant actually remember being embarrassed ever, i dont really care! So i will tell one which if i wasnt like that then i could/should of been embarrassed! I used to work with my dad, he has a company fixing surveying equipment, i was 18 or so and as my dad had just split with his long term business partner, he started up his own company but from his house, me and my uncle worked there, it was mental, working in the great big house you grew up in. Customers/couriers would walk up the side ally and through the back gate to get in to our work area, walk through the gate and to the right of you was our room, massive window you could see us all, you had to walk in to the kitchin to get in, with the outside type toilet was the door to the right so looked like it would be the door for work room he was visiting. Anyway i was doing what i do best (droppping the kidds off, laying some cable, downloading some data, you no what i mean) in the bog when the door opens, with me sitting on the thrown trousers down my ankles when this poor courier dude standing there with a parcel that needs signing for, i directed him too where he needed to be but he was so embarrassed he wanted me to sign for it there and then, mid poo, and i had to re-iterate to him several times that i was busy, you no, pooing, it really was so funny at the time, and morts genius can verify! my old man always harks back to it, thinks it was genius!
A similar incident also occurered when we were due a visit from one of our biggest customers, top boss he was, called giles, i had never met him so it was tidy up tidy up tidy up to make a good impression, anyway was sitting in my seat when i hear a car reversing up the drive, thats it, it must be giles, look lively look professional is all that i am thinking, so when 'giles walks through the gate past the big window i saw what was the absolute spitting image of my brother 'Morts genius who posts on here' so i says to my uncle and my dad that giles looks just like my bro, they look at me as if i am mental, when morts genius walks in!!! It was my brother!!! what a bellend!! Giles turned up 5 minutes later looking nothing like by bro!! haha
You should of signed for the parcel though. One of the lads at work got caught crapping in the back of his van when caught short by a load of nosey school children who wanted to have a look in the van. He was standing/squatting with a tassle!! He pulled his overalls up so quick he got crap on his neck. Noone knew he got cuaght until one of the boys asked if we could smell shit, it was then noticed (I'd love to put his name on here but loose lips sink ships) that X had crap human poo splatted and smeared around the collar of the overalls and his neck/cheek.
He was called shitface for months
As i thought this meeting may go on for some time i thought it may be prudent to go for a wee so i did. Unfortunately, i forgot the rule about completely shaking off and as i popped the lil fella back into his house, an un-explainable splurge of piss proceeded appeared in a 10cm wet patch on my grey trousers.
Thinking there was no way i could go into a meeting like this, i "mr bean'd" it by trying dry myself by elevating my leg onto the sink and turning on the hand dryer. After about 20 secs of doing this (still not dry) the guy i was meant to be having a meeting with walked in. It must have looked like i was humping the bloody hand dryer.
The meeting was uncomfortable.
5 seconds earlier a rat had walked over my foot.
I have this site and others saved, but I always, always, always at the end of the day go into options and delete all history and cookies etc.
" Shi* on from a great height" yes i really do know what that is !! I walked past all these co workers and staright into shower fully clothed. One hour later the drain engineers turned up and cleared the mess up.