Its back for the new season, where the Charlton Lifers take on the mantle of The Sun Sensationalists and come up with their predicted headlines for Sunday morning.
Charlton take on Swansea in their first game of the 08/09 season so get your pun heads on…
CHARLTON SHEEP MISERY ON POOR SWANSEA
Charlton Athletic gave Swansea a rude awakening at the opening Championship game of the season with a 4-0 demolition at The Valley.
The Swansea boys looked more like Welsh Rarebit than Welsh Dragons as the excellent Jonjo Shelvey grabbed a brace complimented by a magnificent strike by Jon Fortune from 30 yards as well as a superb headed goal from Andy Gray after a world class corner from Jerome Thomas.
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even in jest.
SWANS ALL AT SEA
A 30 yard screamer from French midfield Therry Racon was enough to settle this curtain raiser at a sun drenched Valley. Racon made the difference after 75 minutes to ignite the Valley faithful who up until then had been very, very quiet. "Chinny deserves that" said Alan Pardew. "He's had a good pre-season and is one of the players I'm really looking to push on for us this year. We owed it to the fans to start well and we did that. Apart from Kelly Youga, who was pants".
can see why you've given yourself that handle.
Love it, West Side. Welcome to my world ..... (!)
;o)
Championship new boys looked to be serving up a shock to ex premiership plucky boys Charlton until their defence got themselves in a stew twice in the last ten minutes allowing in fleet footed Luke Varney to get himself off the mark.
A superb hat trick by Amdy Faye, and a 40 yard screaming free kick from Jerome Thomas, secured Charlton an outstanding 4-0 opening to the season here at the happy Valley.
Superb work by Thomas created all 3 goals for Faye, and he even won his own free kick, which he superbly blasted home.
Addicks manager Alan Pardew said "Thomas was outstanding, completely outshining our young prodigy Shelvey...wibble"
You'd better go for a long lie down, mate!
Very funny.
:-)
Championship new boys Swansea are flying after a brace of goals from Jason Scotland gave them the perfect start to their first 2nd tier season for 24 years.
The Robins matched the Swans for 60 mins until a mistake but Jon Jo Shelvey gifted the first goal to the Welsh side. With Nicky Weaver, Mark Hudson and Matt Holland all out injured for the rest of the season a very young Charlton side was booed off at half time despite have the best of the play and chances. Varney, Wagstaff and Dickson all went close. The three points were definitely leaving The Valley for the Valley's when young keeper Rob Elliot kicked a clearance straight at Scotland, the ball rebounding off his backside and into the unguarded net.
Swansea then dominated the game and only the heroics of recalled Amdy Faye at the back prevented a far worse defeat.
Charlton 3 (Faye 1,2,3) Swansea 0
Coal mining midgets sent back to Taff land with their tails between their legs....
The visitors to the Valley made the vistors from the valleys look sheepish this afternoon; in fact it looked like the dozy taffs had sent their rugby team to SE7 by accident as the Valley ignited like a holiday maker's cottage when the previously (very much) out of favour Faye turned deadly goal poacher in a 'rarebit' of fantasy football and punctured the 'leeky' defence for a third time to claim the match ball....before injuring himself on an advertising hoarding in the fourth minute and sustaining an injury that will see him out for the rest of the season at least. Afterwards he said "today was a weird experience, there was a blinding flash and suddenly I knew what it was like to actually be a footballer again. I scored a hat trick in 3 minutes, but unfortunately I got so excited that I wet myself and then slipped over and injured myself. Still, hopefully Charlton will think about renewing my contract for another 3 years now they have seen what I can do".
Manager Alan Curbishley will be disappointed that his side lost the lead to a newly promoted team for the second season opener in a row. Marcus Bent opened the scoring for the home side with Scotland equalising with 10 minutes to go.
I was thinking more on the lines ] JACK OFF following the red card issued to their goalkeeper in the 4th minute.
Dylan Thomas is Swansea's most famous son but it was namesake Jerome who dominated a sun kissed Valley yesterday afternoon. His wing wizardry was more Champagne Wood than Milk Wood as the basking crowd delighted in a plethora of step overs and other dazzling footwork. Cash strapped Alan pardew will struggle to keep thomas if he continues to show this sort of form.
Despite the magic of Thomas however the closest Charlton came to scoring was Andy Gray heading a Thomas cross harmlessly over the bar when it looked easier to score.
Charlton almost paid the price when, following a mistake by Semedo struggling in the unfamiliar position of right back, boo boy victim Jonathan Fortune twice cleared off the line point blank shots from Scotland.
Fortune then scored the winner in stoppage time. He had stayed up following a corner when the tireless Luke Varney, running the channels for the umpteenth time, whipped over a low cross. Fortune courageously ignored the flying boots in the box and dived to head home.
1-0 to The Addicks but other than the shining light of Thomas a long season beckons for both these sides.
Charlton made a bright start to the new season with a comfortable 3-0 win over Championship new boys Swansea. The most interesting news of the day was Alan Pardew's inclusion of himself at centre back. Said Pardew, "we're short of numbers at the back, and short of numbers in the bank, so I looked at the squad and thought to myself, "I'm better than all these players" so I put myself in. As you can tell, it worked a treat".
Goals from Luke Varney, Andy Gray and Kelly Youga were overshadowed by an all action display by Pardew, dubbed the Silver Fox, with two clearances off the line, and a stunning run from the back to the corner flag in the 90th minute whilst waving at his admiring fans.
Rumours of Pardew compiling a YouTube video of himself to tout himself around are said to be wide of the mark.