Church Bulletins
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
4. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
5. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
6. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
7. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
8. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
9. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
10. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
11. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
12. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
13. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
14. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
15 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
16. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
17. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
18. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
19. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
20. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
21. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
22. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
23. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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2. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
3.The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
4. Everyone is welcome this Tuesday at 4 PM for an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
5. At the Ladies Liturgy Society this Thursday, Mrs Smith will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
6. This Friday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
7. This week we invite any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
8. This evening there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
9. The 2003 Church Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
10. Mrs Williams will be going in to hospital this week for testes.
11. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
12. This week our Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
13.Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
lol.
Now THAT is funny. [:D]