A pair of Siamese twins from England (Ron and Bill) who are joined at the hip are sitting in a bar in New York and get talking to the barman.
"Well it's really swell to see you guys manage to get around like you do and travel all the way from The UK as well....are you here on vacation?"
"Yes we are, we get over here a couple of time a year as a rule"........says Ron.
"I suppose you're getting around and taking in the sights such as The Statue of Liberty,art galleries,theatres, Central Park etc.......and just generally taking in the culture, is that what you're here for."
"Nah fook that culture sh*t...........it's just to give Bill here a chance to drive for a change."
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*facepalms
Not to everyone's taste though.
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front
step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but
notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice
big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every
week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and
don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.