The ex-wife has announced that she's arranged a birthday party for my little 'un, who turns 4 at the end of January. She's hired Go Banana's for a couple of hours...one of her friends works there and managed to get a good discount apparently. As yet though, she's not asked me for any money towards it but should I or should I not offer? Now given I pay child maintenance of over £500 a month, my parents and some close friends seem to think I would be mad to offer any money towards the party but part of me thinks I should be contributing.
Have asked my colleagues in the office this morning and they seem split. 5 say yes I should, 7 say no.
Is there an unwritten rule for stuff like this? What do you lot think?
0
Comments
Do not offer anything.
In a similar position to you and I try not to pay for things like that, a big chunk of my income goes to the CSA and if I started to pay for things like that I'd be pretty screwed financially.
Pay for this and then it'll be pay for her holidays, etc
Pay up for the party and get a BIG present
If she has booked the event and hasn't asked for money it would seem she thinks she can afford it from her income, including the child maintenance.
But then if you don't offer to help in some way she or others might well comment on your lack of contribution.
Never been in your situation but I would suggest avoiding trying to one-up your ex by throwing money around. Ask your Ex if there is a big present your child wants (a bike?) that you could pay for but which would be a present from you both.
.... you could say you'll contribute in other ways - being there of course and maybe buying/sorting-out food and drinks for the kids, helping with lifts etc.
If so perhaps a quiet word at an appropiate time to ask if there is anything she needs in connection with it.
The onus is then on her.
500 quid? what on earth... that is more than i have ever heard of.
If your ex has made it clear you're not welcome, then your decision is easy.
But if you're actually involved, and coming along - then it could well be a grey area.
PS: Been through all this myself, a few years ago, so good luck mate!
A further thought:
Your ex has got mate's rates here ........ so if I were again in your shoes, I'd keep my cards close my chest until she declares her hand.
Seems to be like you have already contributed when paying your child maintenance!
Personally I think the issue is involvement not cost but I could well be wrong.
Yeah , lets go back and edit all our answers saying he's bang out of order and he should stump up more cash .
That'll learn him
Personally I think we should all club together and buy the kid a Charlton kit and a membership of young Addicks.
Fancy having a Spud for a father.
;o)
Firstly, yes, I'm invited. Also, the grandparents, great granny and uncle has been invited too, along with two of my close mates with kids the same age, who we see regularly, so no-one is being excluded, which is good.
To explain the £500 a month, there's a few elements to this. Firstly and obviously the main Child Maintenance part looks after the roof over her head, food, clothes and other stuff. The second part is a payment direct into my daughter's trust fund to set her up in the future (Uni fees, car, whatever) and the third smaller element is spousal maitenance. I say small but its still a significant amount each month and would rather not pay it but have agreed to it rather than let the court set the amount, which could have been much much higher, so have to think myself lucky to an extent... I've also agreed to pay maintenance up until my daughter is 21, only upon the condition that if it is paid, it is paid directly to my daughter rather than to the ex-wife. Having said all that, if the ex co-habits for 6 months or more, then spousal maintenance is not then payable, so the sooner she gets shacked up, the better ;-)
So anyway. I've got a very good relationship with the ex. We get on better now that we ever did in all truth. However, if I ask her, I know she'll say yes please, who wouldnt? Do I trust her to tell me the true cost of the party? Do I heck! Perhaps I could contact the venue and pay the hire charge directly or something like that. That would make me happy I've contributed and not directly lined the pockets of my ex-wife.
Should be an interesting party. Will be the first time both sides of the family have faced each other in more than 18 months since we split. I know my parents want to tell my former in-laws exactly what they think of them but I've told them its neither the time nor place to do it. Will be the first time my friends have seen the ex since too and they've already said to me how can they be even civil to her given how she's treated me but said they'd smile through it especially for me and my daughter. Happy Days lol.
Why does everything have to be so complicated lol.
Over my dead body. She could already sing "Spurs are on their way to Wembley" before she was even 2 and half lol.
In answer to your original question - go along, be civil, and dont even mention contributing.
You have already paid for this via your financial support.
If you feel the need to pay some money, just add it to your present fund because at the end of the day it's all about the presents baby and Daddy must win !!!!!!!
lol duly corrected. My daughter constantly corrects me on my pronounciation of words. "No Daddy, its ...., not ...." As for the "their, there and they're", as a matter of interest, my brother actually created the associated group on Facebook, so I really should know better!
I have to say, it never has been and never will be about money for me. I'd give my wife as much as she likes just to ensure I still get to see my daugther and spend time with her. I've got a fantastic relationship with her now, I dont take our time together for granted now and I really do make the most of it. I have to say I'm one of the lucky one's though. I've got open access with reasonable notice so I get to spend a fair amount of time with her. Obviously cant tread on the ex's toes too much but I pop up to see her one evening in the week, normally a Thursday evening then I have her one full weekend (Sat/Sun) and then Sun on alternate weeks, so it works pretty well at the moment. In a way, Daddy will always win, as our time together is always fun time. I make sure the onus is on having fun. Nothing boring with Daddy.
So she only sings in January then ;-)
If it's any help, I'm in a similar situation to you. I pay the child maintenance and make a 50/50 contribution towards parties and school trips etc simply because I don't want my lad to miss out on anything.
Just go along and enjoy the day.