I have already heard today that, 'the ball moves around in the air and is hard to control'. I expect to hear it every day for the next 6 weeks. Another I expect to hear 'early doors':
"The [insert any African country] defence was a bit naive there"
Any more?
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Riot police in town square
We're gonna take 1 game at a time
Hand of God - especially for Argentina and France
The War - Germany
Samba Football - Brazil, even though they're going defensive this time.
Determination is always "steely"
Commitment is usually "honest"
" Roooooooney! - if a Brazilian had done that we'd all have been raving about it!"
(just before raving about it).
"There's some tired legs out there".
Frequent mentions of "David Beckham territory" whenever England get a free kick in the final third, accompanied by a close up of him sitting in the crowd.
Close ups of the most gorgeous woman in the stadium, wiggling about in a too tight t shirt followed by,
"Well, she's enjoying herself".
That's the one !
I expect 'long, hard season' to be trotted out repeatedly. Similarly the conditions suiting the Europeans
Most mentioned individual of the whole tournament will be Nelson Mandela
"The Altitude is not as bad as Mexico"
Appaling Goalkeeping from the [insert any African country]
*insert, glenn jonhson, rio ferdinand, ashley cole, ledley king, gareth barry, wayne rooney, steven gerrard, joe cole, jermaine defoe or aaron lennon.
"The ugly side of English football/ the English disease" after a confused pensioner from Burnley is deported for jay- walking.
"orgasm sound" whenever way Rooney steps on the pitch if Clive Tyldsey is commentating
"Once again England face penalties"
classics.
Someone knock up an actual bingo card please that can be email to friends.
'Uruguay are of course two-time World Cup winners' - but this will be dismissed as an irrelevance as it's over half a century since they last won. England not having won anything for a similar length of time will, of course, be swiftly glossed over.
Player X has really put himself in the Premiership shop window with that performance
That has added another million or 2 to his value
Rumours of discontent in the Dutch camp
'First half good, second half not so good' - Sven's take on the match
That would have been a red card earlier in the tournament
Germany are through on penalties
England are out on penalties
You've got to admire Rooney's determination - shortly before he loses his head and gets sent off
The Sun will also run an article when we play Slovenia comparing the lifestyles and salary of Rooney/Terry/Rio to the Slovenian left back who works part time as a sheep farmer earning £5 a year.
Crouch's "Ariel threat"
Defoe/SWP being "The shortest man/men on the pitch"
Slovenia/Slovakia/Honduras "Capitulating"
"he was actually born in Salford. Ho Ho"
"And he spent a season at Stoke, but didn't feature much."
"Of course, he played under Capello at Juvenus"
"The linesman is from Russia. Ho ho ho"
Any ball hitting off the cross bar and bouncing somewhere in the 6 yard box will be likened to 66
A debate will ensue about the application of the offside rule before someone will quip, "well if we don't understand it..." despite it being perfectly simple and understood by my old mum.
Inevitably most of the commentators won't know anything about players outside of the EPL, and won't have thought they ought to have done any homework. Occasionally they'll try and cover this by throwing in something like "he's very highly rated in Honduras, this lad where they call him the Honduran Wayne Rooney. Although only because he has sex with old hoors.
Motty if he's still going and whatever "expert" they have chirping at his shoulder will display an alarming lack of knowledge about the sport despite drawing a salary from it for many years.
Some mention of whatever idiocy Pele has allowed to rumble out of his gob, presented as if it is in some way authoritative wisdom.
When someone gets a yellow card Poll will get a mention for his fkwittery. To be fair it wasn't even the stupidest thing he did in that game...
The England players will be described as 'hungry' despite staying in one of the best hotels available.
"No matter how many penalties you take in training, you'll never get the feelings of pressure of the real thing."
Capello will be described as 'disciplined' and 'running a tight ship'.
If we only score one goal in the whole tournament, I expect one D Bent to get a mention, otherwise he won't.
'Mr Capello running a tight ship'
Lampards inability to play with gerard under sven
Lightening pace of aaron lennon
When do you want that by sir?