limericks

Dippenhall

An incontinent man from Hoo
Was dying for the loo
He went into Lidl for somewhere to piddle
But all he found was a queue

limeygent

There once was a chairman named Matt
Who, as the head of our board once sat
He came in a Rover
But found it was over
After signing the lease on that flat.

limeygent

limeygent said:

There once was a chairman named Matt
Who, as the head of our board once sat
He came in a Rover
But found it was over
After signing the lease on that flat.

Too much time on my hands.
Quite pleased with it, though.

paulie8290

There once was a man called Matt Southall 
Who took all us fans for a fool
But now we all know
So I'm afraid you must go
You are a fucking disgrace to football



The last line isnt great was trying to think of it for ages lol

Stig

It all started out in Wuhan 
quickly spreading to all other lands,
Our collective resistance
needs good hygiene and distance, 
Now everyone, go wash your hands!

Macronate

paulie8290 said:

There once was a man called Matt Southall 
Who took all us fans for a fool
But now we all know
So I'm afraid you must go
You are a disgrace to football



The last line isnt great was trying to think of it for ages lol

Just stick ‘fucking’ in before disgrace and it scans better.

paulie8290

Macronate said:

paulie8290 said:

There once was a man called Matt Southall 
Who took all us fans for a fool
But now we all know
So I'm afraid you must go
You are a disgrace to football



The last line isnt great was trying to think of it for ages lol

Just stick ‘fucking’ in before disgrace and it scans better.

Cheers looks a bit better now

SporadicAddick

Stig said:

There was a young man from Devises,
who had balls of different sizes.
One ball was small,
almost no size at all,
and the other won various prizes!

Devizes

SporadicAddick

SuedeAdidas said:

There was a young girl from Devises,
Who had tits that we’re different sizes,
The left one was small,
It was no use at all,
Whilst the right one was huge and won prizes. 

Devizes

man_at_milletts

There was a young man from Ickenham

Who stood on the bridge at Twickenham

Watching the stunts of the c*nts in their punts

and the tricks of the dicks that were fu*ckin em.

heckington_reds

Sorry but from when I was about 10

There was an old lady from Ealing 
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling. 

Oliver Street

I have the occasional rude dream
Lying there in a bed near a stream
Is a bird clad in nout
And she gives a loud shout
C'mon love fill me up with fresh cream.

Bromley Graham

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went on the stage in the nude
A man at the front
Shouted out "cnut"
Like that, out loud, bloody rude!

Blackheathen

There was a young man from sarf London
Went to sleep with the game on
Woke up with a start, had a big fart
Found out we’d actually won

limeygent

There once was a man of ill-will
Who got caught with his hand in the till
He put up a fight
In The Valley that night
And awaiting the dosh we are still.

seth plum

The first time I went to the Valley
I thought this is right up my alley
The speed of the play
Blew me away
The players they don't dilly dally

LawrieAbrahams

There once was a conman named Matt

Who bought the club off Roland Rat

But the deal hit with glitches

He spunked money on bitches

And now everyone knows he's a twat

Sillybilly

There was a young man from Dundee 
who got stung on the neck by a wasp
and wrote extremely many poetry that didn’t rhyme.