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NEW ARTICLE: We're livin' in the future........

With the Club announcing a few high profile bans for this season, KIGELIA takes his alternative view on what else should be outed as he looks forward to our, err, opening game of the season. Again.

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All this wistful looking back at the past is, at least in part, responsible for our current plight. The moment that we were relegated ,fans, and some staff, begin to reflect on what we had in the past.

This constant harping back to the past glories of the club is damaging and I feel the only way of bringing the good times back is to end it. Like with the banning of those damned vulva-zulus at grounds across the country. We as a club have banned coloured boots for academy players, but what next?

Lobbying for a return to wollen jumpers?
Using balls made of 25-year old cow leather and weighing more than a watermelon?

Well I have had enough. If we are going to ban something, we should ban misty-eyed memories. No more should the club support us fans reminiscing about the glory days. As a wiser man than me said:

“…time slips away and leaves you with nothing mister, but boring stories of glory days”

I'm fed up of old, boring stories. I want new ones. I want better ones. So I say it is time to make a stand. Banish nostalgia and let’s get on with the future.

To that end I propose the following:

1. Stewards will be instructed to remove supporters from the ground at the first sign of nostalgia breaking out. This includes all chants referencing former players or equine farewells.

2. No more historical features in the programme. Statistics are just geek history.

3. The club will no longer record any statistics relating to the team’s performance. As far as we, the fans, are concerned every game should be treated as the first game of the season and all players will be making their debuts.

4. The club will seek to design a new kit and source new sponsorship for each and every game.

5. Players will be required to change their names on a rolling basis to ensure that new players are coming for the start of the ‘new season’.

6. The manager will hold press conferences weekly informing us about how this is the best bunch of players he has ever had, and that pre-season has gone well.

I understand this will cause some issues. I imagine persuading the Football League to record every game we play as our first of the season would be difficult and will raise some interesting problems with regards to settling promotion and relegation issues.

I am convinced that the benefits of this approach far outweigh the downsides. Everybody remembers that joyful sense of anticipation they have that first game of the season. The spring in their step as they approach the turnstile after summer break. Seeing familiar faces in the crowd catching up on the gossip and wondering what the season with bring.

This proposal will guarantee us fans that every game will feel like that. No sitting watching a depressing mid-season bore draw, this is the first game of the season, and everyone is up for it. Players and fans alike.

You know it makes sense, embrace the change. Stand up and be counted before history catches up with you too. You don’t want to be some poorly remembered anecdote that fans talk about at half time.

Join me and keep it fresh, keep it now and remember that whilst some say there is no future I say there is no past.

History is for those too scared to look forward.

Comments

  • I'd actually ban all forms of competitive games.

    Haev you ever seen an interview with a player when they haven't said what a 'great set of lads' they have at the club ? Yet during matches all they ever seem to do is shout at each other.

    The football is clearly getting in the way with a decent social backdrop.
  • I think this article will go over most people heads. Ive read it twice and still dont understand a word of it.
  • Altogether now...'and if you know your history, its enough.....' *Slams door!
  • Nostalgia aint what it used to be!
  • Ban banning
  • Love this, great idea. Roll on the new season.
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Roland Out!