"Sick" Jokes....(Warning: May Offend).

Miserableoldgit

Dear Admin.

Was wondering if it was okay to start a "Sick" joke thread. I fully understand that someone people get "Offended" by certain "jokes", but, If under a heading like above,If people don't want to read them, don't open the thread. Or is this pushing things alittle to far......

MOG. x

Miserableoldgit

So, posted under the wrong category: Can't/don't know How to change it !
Sorry.

AFKABartram

Would rather not to be honest. Keep them for emails and texts where you know your audience

Miserableoldgit

Fair enough. Thanks AFKA.

Right, there was this......... ;-)

Miserableoldgit

[SINK]

Blackheathen

An upper-class Englishman is holidaying in far North Queensland, Australia.  His car breaks down and he starts walking to the nearest town, 20k away.  While he is walking he gets caught in a flash tropical storm.  By the time he gets to town he is wet through.  He walks into the pub and orders a scotch.  It tastes terrible but it’s better than nothing.  He looks around the pub for the toilet but all he can see is a pub full of outback Aussies, drinking, cursing, and spitting.  He asks the barman where the toilet is and the barman gestures to a door at the back of the pub.

The Englishman trudges outside into the rain.  All he can see through the rain are two piles of shit, one much bigger than the other.  He walks over to the smaller pile, relieved that someone had the sense to start a new pile since the larger was clearly unmanageable.  He has his pants around his ankles and is in the process of relieving himself when a gunshot rings out and the bullet smacks into the heap just beside him.

He turns around, in a somewhat vulnerable position, and sees this huge Aussie guy standing at the door of the pub with a smoking gun in his hand.

”What’s going on?”  stammers the Englishman in fear.

The Aussie bellows back, “Get the hell out of the Ladies you dirty bastard”.

Blackheathen

A man is walking along the street when he sees a ladder going into the clouds.  As any of us would do he climbed the ladder.   He reaches a cloud, upon which sits a rather plump and very ugly woman.

”Screw me or climb the ladder to success” she says.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbs the ladder to the next cloud.  On this cloud is a slightly thinner woman who is easier on the eye.

”Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success” she says.

“Well’ thinks the man, ‘might as well carry on”

On the next cloud is another woman, who this time is quite attractive.

”Screw me now or climb the ladder to success” she utters.  As he turns her down and goes on up the ladder, the man thinks to himself that this getting better the further he goes.  On the next cloud is an absolute beauty.  Slim, attractive, the lot.

”Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success” she flirts.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decides to climb again.  When he reaches the next cloud, there is a huge, ugly man.

”Hello’ says the ugly, fat man, ‘I’m Cess!”