Doctors !!

Goonerhater

Years back i had a kidney stone --- pain ?  you bet something you never ever forget ---ever.Tuesday me polaxed and yes i know that pain, managed to get into the DRs today. Tell her whats happening and the fact i also have a bad upset stomach. She says you have a tummy bug---me i think its a kidney stone-- i show her where the pain is and she does agree its where my kidneys are !!!!  FFS--- anyhow she insists its a tummy bag but gives me pots to do stuff in etc. I point out its Friday and there fore we wont get any results back til about Thursday !!!!!!!!!!!!!! She says take these supper strength pain killers in case it is a kidney stone-- starve yourself re the tummy bug and drink gallons of water -----------------------------ok .  However the chemist gives me the pain killers and say " they are very strong you must eat before taking em "   FFS. Mind you  i missed atrick he asked if i had to pay ? i should have said i was Scottish, but no like the mug i am i paid up ---- well a Chemist in SE London i guess some ONE has to.

Covered End

I went to the doctors recently. I said I feel like a pair of curtains. His reply :-   Pull yourself together man  :-(

Covered End

I went the following week, because I had a strawberry on my bottom. He said I 'll give you some cream for that   :-(

Chirpy Red

I went this morning and he told me I had to stop playing with myself. Why? I asked. So I can examine you ! He said....

AddickUpNorth

Ouch, kidney stones. Mine flared up last year and had to spend 24 hours in hospital. I have never felt so rough so Goonerhater, I feel your pain. Hope you're feeling better mate.

McBobbin

I went to the doctors with a steering wheel in my crotch.  I told the doctor it was driving me nuts...

DA9

I went to the doctors the other day and he said "say ahhhh", I said "why?", he said "my dogs just died"

Goonerhater

Kidney stones are less painfull than the level of humour.

eaststandmike

I went to the doctors complaining I felt like a deck of cards.

He told me to wait outside and he would deal with me later

donnyaddick

I went to the doctors recently, told him I couldn't stop singing the green green grass of home......He told me i had Tom Jones syndrome.....I asked him if it was common.....he said "It's not Unusual"

DA9

I went to the doctors the other day and told him I fell like a wigwam, went back the next day and told him I felt like a teepee, he said I know what your problem is "your too tense"

Chirpy Red

An old couple went to the doctors the other day as the man was feeling very unwell. The doctor examined him and then asked to speak to his wife in private.......

"Your husband is seriously ill"

"Is there anything you can do?"

"Well not really, but there is something you can do"

"Really? What's that?"

"If you want your husband to live, you need to start giving him oral sex"

"Oral sex???"

"Yes. Do you know what that is?"

"I know" Said the wife.

She left the surgery.

Her husband was waiting. "What did the doctor say?" He asked excitedly

His wife looked at him and said "He said you're gonna die!"

jimmymelrose

Next time you have this problem get a flight to Lyon, go to Hopital Edouard Herriot and collapse in pain. I bet you get sorted out there. Remember to take your E100 card or whatever it's called.

Everyone complains about the EU. I say take full advantage.

man_at_milletts

I went to the doctors and he told me to go to the window and stick my tongue out.

I said 'Why?'

He said 'I can't stand the woman opposite'

 

(Bob Monkhouse Lewisham Town hall 1967)

 

AFKABartram

Just had a great exchange with the doctor at my work:

Dr: I'm referring you to a specialist. You'll have to pay the 150 excess
Me: I don't have 150 pounds
Dr: then you'll have to go to your GP. Next

Granpa

I was at the Doctors the other day, she was holding me downstairs where I had the pain. She said ' say 99 ', I said 1,2,3.............

Chirpy Red

My private doctor told me I had 3 months to live. He then gave me his bill. I told him I couldn't afford to pay it. So he gave me 6 months to live.....