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The Olympics - Guaranteed Medal wins for Britain

The Olympics will be here in a couple of months. So with that in mind I had a thought about the events we will win, cant think of many to be honest, however what if we include some things that Britain is 'good' at that would guarantee us a gold medals?

I think the following events will be winners.

Drunken gutter puking


The 100 meter Hoodie chase


The very polite 'after you'

Anymore boys and girls? *Its Friday and I'm bored at work*


  • Ladies with size 36 backsides squeezed into size 10 jeans.
  • moaning marathon (gold, silver & bronze)

    the 1500m for finding as many dog turds on the floor as possible

    the under 16 & pregnant shots down your neck steeplechase

  • Trousers hanging half way down your legs with your boxers showing and attitude problem! Defo a Gold!
  • Gold For : Anti Aircraft Missile Sitings
    F***ing Up Greenwich Park
    Slickest Ticket Touting
    Shoddy 'Souvenir' Rip Offing
  • We and the British media seem to be pretty good at building up Our sports men and women, then finding a way to knock them down just at the critical moment, so if there was an event called The Shoot Yourself In The Foot Mixed Doubles, we'd be world beaters....
  • pole vault (open to immigrant Poles only)
  • The worst logo competition?
  • Worst infrastructure event.

    Extreme cycle path riding.

    Costliest and longest passport renewal service for expats living abroad competition.

    Biggest gridlock traffic jam event (best in Europe, if not the world)

  • E-Cafc I think the US may win that one.
  • 200 meter sprint while holding 42" flatscreen TV
    Synchonised long-jump to the front of queues and then saying "Fack off, I wosh shud 'ere!!"
    50 meter pistol relay while riding a BMX with your hood up
  • Sponsored links:

  • the drought affected high diving competition (helmets provided)
  • Most tattoos and piercings on and under 18 competitor?
  • An actual event - shooting.

    Well it's being held in Woolwich, so if they don't win it there, they'll never win it!
  • the 110m high on cocaine hurdles
  • I have to say I think the US would win most of these hands down. Queuing bein an exception as we bloody love that. how about most abuse taken and being able to suck it up? most coffee shops - not really an event but I am sure we can work around that. moaning, yeah you're right there there's a gold. Bloody hate lists...
  • the drought affected high diving competition (helmets provided)
    the rain affected drought competition. Wellies privided.
  • E-Cafc I think the US may win that one.
    Not around Plumstead they won`t! ;)

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