Lol. That's quality. Didn't get her today but ive got the rest of the week. I need it to be pissing down at 5,30 so she will have a nice little surprise when she opens the umbrella
Plug another mouse into her pc, I did this to a new lad here into his mac, run an extension all around the room, everytime he tried to do anything I would move the other mouse which I situated close to me, so he couldn't get his curser near where he wanted it, I had him for a month! It was genius! Everytime he got the govnor in to show him I didn't move it, then as soon as he walked away I moved the mouse so he couldn't get the curser anywhere, drove him wild!
a little more sedate, but swap the m and n key round on her keyboard. Of course you could always make her a cake and ice it with laxative chocolate (assuming you can still get it from the chemist it has been a few years since I did that).
I used to work for a chocolate company & at an exhibition one year we were sampling mini bars of sugar-free chocolate - full of xylitol which should be consumed in very small quantities due to it's laxative effect.
We had a Japanese agent with us at the show who didn't speak a word of English he spent the entire day sneakily scoffing these mini chocolate bars & nobody had the heart to tell him what he was in for as a result - didn't see him the day after or the day after that!
Was a thread on here about night shifts. We used to do so much silly shite just out of pure boredom. Worked for BP in the old Brittanic House (32 floors) in the city and many a time we used to go around and turn whole vending machines upside down and just leave them there on a night shift. Years ago, so never a security camera to be seen. Send some poor trainee off to hide and then hunt him down in packs with fire extinguishers, all that sort of purile shite.
Used to work in a building in the city with a huge atrium. My firm was on the 4th floor and we could look right down into reception, The nightshift security guard was a really wired old Jamaican guy called Cecil. He was the sort of bloke who was always on edge a very nervous type, not well suited i would suggest to that sort of work, fart in his direction and he would jump 2 miles up in the air. One particular night my mate brought in his CB equipment, pre mobile phones, we hid one handset in one of the big ornamental plants in the foyer and waited till about 3 o clock in the morning, when Cecil was on his own at reception. In a very ghostly manner we started calling out his name
"C e c i l..."
"W h h h o o o a r !!!!"
The beauty of it was we left it for hours before dropping the odd moan or call of his name. This went on for about a week and the guy was petrified. He even asked us if we had seen or heard anything when we clocked on in the evenings. Such a stupid thing to do but had us in stitches. Anyway old Cecil could not cut it and moved on within a couple of weeks and we of course felt like twats, but needs must when you are an IT grunt on a twelve hour night shift and bored to shit (No 24 hour TV or internet in those days remember).
At school I had part time job at wimpy in Dartford. New starters who invariably were not the brightest were often sent off to B&Q Dartford with a fire extinguisher as the water was 'out of date' and needed replacing.
At school I had part time job at wimpy in Dartford. New starters who invariably were not the brightest were often sent off to B&Q Dartford with a fire extinguisher as the water was 'out of date' and needed replacing.
Hahaha, Mate on work experience when he was 16 got sent to the garage next door for a "long weight". He was there two hours before he clocked on. The old ones are the best. Actually, reminds me of the time I worked for a double glazing company. The phone cnavassers had a competition to find the perosn with the stupidest name and everyone rang him. Mr Pickles-Pinkus was not happy by the end of the evening.
At school I had part time job at wimpy in Dartford. New starters who invariably were not the brightest were often sent off to B&Q Dartford with a fire extinguisher as the water was 'out of date' and needed replacing.
Hahaha, Mate on work experience when he was 16 got sent to the garage next door for a "long weight". He was there two hours before he clocked on. The old ones are the best. Actually, reminds me of the time I worked for a double glazing company. The phone cnavassers had a competition to find the perosn with the stupidest name and everyone rang him. Mr Pickles-Pinkus was not happy by the end of the evening.
at Natwest we used to send people to another building for the Long Wait Printout.
Another time we joked about lumping on large in the American sub prime mortgage market. That one backfired a little though.
At university one night in the bar we pretended to be very drunk and had a deliberately loud conversation, the gist of which was a bet that someone would drink a pint of lager that someone else had shat in. We had left a Mars bar in the loos. By the time one of our guys went off to the bogs with a pint of Fosters we had an audience. Now, if you take a Mars bar and rub it between your hands till the chocolate melts and it forms a long thin cylinder you can drop it into a pint and it behaves in exactly the same way as a turd would. We then reduced the inhabitants of the bar to cringing wrecks when firstly one guy dtrank the offending pint and another proceeded to eat the Mars bar. All very juvenile but enormously funny. We got barred!
Best mate of mine isn't too smart. We told him that John Smith's was a French beer, which he believed despite being quite surprised, after a few minutes we told him that we were joking and we can't believe he fell for it. With my next breath I said "Hey you know Hitler was from Austria" to which he rep;lied quick as a flash "I'm not falling for that one!!!!"
Lovely lad. Races Formula 3 now actually, just as well... In fact we got him with a fair few I just remembered another
He complained that when he flies across the US it seems to be a lot quicker than when he flies across Asia despite covering roughly the same area on the maps that show your progress on a plane... I told him that in actual fact it was because due to the Empire and various redrawing of maps over the years maps have become very Western Centric. This therefore explains it because when you look at a world map Europe and America is actually doubled in size. He was genuinely amazed to find out this fact to which I said "there you go, you can tell that to people when they as the same question next time you are on a flight"
He complained that when he flies across the US it seems to be a lot quicker than when he flies across Asia despite covering roughly the same area on the maps that show your progress on a plane... I told him that in actual fact it was because due to the Empire and various redrawing of maps over the years maps have become very Western Centric. This therefore explains it because when you look at a world map Europe and America is actually doubled in size. He was genuinely amazed to find out this fact to which I said "there you go, you can tell that to people when they as the same question next time you are on a flight"
Still haven't told him to this day...
Erm.. to a certain extent this is kind of true. Look up "Peters Projection Map" if you want to see how our view of the world has become distorted due to outdated and inaccurate maps.
Now, if you take a Mars bar and rub it between your hands till the chocolate melts and it forms a long thin cylinder you can drop it into a pint and it behaves in exactly the same way as a turd would.
Who undertook the experiment by which you found out this fact?
Ive been going round the office today emptying everyones hole puncher into a box by my desk. Will go round and collect more tomorrow.
Once the box is filled I'll empty it into her handbag towards the end of the day so she goes home with it otherwise she will just tip it over my desk. It's going to also go in her umbrella and possibly her coat pockets.
Martin O'Neill told a great after dinner story where the Forest players waited while Peter Shilton was in the showers and filled his kit bag with barbell weights from the Gym until it was ridiculously heavy.
Shilton came out of the showers and got dressed and picked up his bag, saying "Christ, this is heavy," and - staggering under the weight - lugged it over to his car, put it in the boot and drove off.
As the audience descended into hysterics O'Neill chimed in, "I don't know why you're laughing, he was your goalkeeper for 15 years!"
now this only works if you’re not on the ground floor, have a carpet and if the building is suitably designed/made.
Get to work early. Remove the carpet and take out the floorboards under her chair. Replace the carpet and carefully put the chair back. Then just wait for her to arrive back at her desk....
When she comes back from a lengthy stay at the hospital, and she’s going on about the compensation money she has earned because of your stunt. wait till she gets near her desk. then watch her fall wheelchair included down yet another hole in the floor which you had prepared in time for her arrival back to work.
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Still cracks me up now - he never played for us again.
We had a Japanese agent with us at the show who didn't speak a word of English he spent the entire day sneakily scoffing these mini chocolate bars & nobody had the heart to tell him what he was in for as a result - didn't see him the day after or the day after that!
Used to work in a building in the city with a huge atrium. My firm was on the 4th floor and we could look right down into reception, The nightshift security guard was a really wired old Jamaican guy called Cecil. He was the sort of bloke who was always on edge a very nervous type, not well suited i would suggest to that sort of work, fart in his direction and he would jump 2 miles up in the air. One particular night my mate brought in his CB equipment, pre mobile phones, we hid one handset in one of the big ornamental plants in the foyer and waited till about 3 o clock in the morning, when Cecil was on his own at reception. In a very ghostly manner we started calling out his name
"C e c i l..."
"W h h h o o o a r !!!!"
The beauty of it was we left it for hours before dropping the odd moan or call of his name. This went on for about a week and the guy was petrified. He even asked us if we had seen or heard anything when we clocked on in the evenings. Such a stupid thing to do but had us in stitches. Anyway old Cecil could not cut it and moved on within a couple of weeks and we of course felt like twats, but needs must when you are an IT grunt on a twelve hour night shift and bored to shit (No 24 hour TV or internet in those days remember).
New starters who invariably were not the brightest were often sent off to B&Q Dartford with a fire extinguisher as the water was 'out of date' and needed replacing.
Another time we joked about lumping on large in the American sub prime mortgage market.
That one backfired a little though.
Lovely lad. Races Formula 3 now actually, just as well... In fact we got him with a fair few I just remembered another
He complained that when he flies across the US it seems to be a lot quicker than when he flies across Asia despite covering roughly the same area on the maps that show your progress on a plane... I told him that in actual fact it was because due to the Empire and various redrawing of maps over the years maps have become very Western Centric. This therefore explains it because when you look at a world map Europe and America is actually doubled in size. He was genuinely amazed to find out this fact to which I said "there you go, you can tell that to people when they as the same question next time you are on a flight"
Still haven't told him to this day...
Who undertook the experiment by which you found out this fact?
I knew some very sad people in my youth!! I know who he is but I can say. He is now an archaeology professor.
Putting a strip of Sellotape over the mouthpiece on a phone
I've done loads of people with post it notes on their backs
Gaffer taping shoes to walls and ceilings
Once the box is filled I'll empty it into her handbag towards the end of the day so she goes home with it otherwise she will just tip it over my desk. It's going to also go in her umbrella and possibly her coat pockets.
Shilton came out of the showers and got dressed and picked up his bag, saying "Christ, this is heavy," and - staggering under the weight - lugged it over to his car, put it in the boot and drove off.
As the audience descended into hysterics O'Neill chimed in, "I don't know why you're laughing, he was your goalkeeper for 15 years!"
Get to work early. Remove the carpet and take out the floorboards under her chair. Replace the carpet and carefully put the chair back.
Then just wait for her to arrive back at her desk....
When she comes back from a lengthy stay at the hospital, and she’s going on about the compensation money she has earned because of your stunt. wait till she gets near her desk. then watch her fall wheelchair included down yet another hole in the floor which you had prepared in time for her arrival back to work.
gets them every time.