after a bashing in the London j aba final I smashed my trophy up and offered out other boxers out and cried openly for about a hour , had to be taken out of arena sharpish still ranting, horrible evening, saw the guy who beat me last week in a van looking to chat to me ,gave no eye contact and avoided chatting about the old days, blocked from facebook as well
Smashed after work for a mates birthday at Mary Janes by Minories, I noticed on the way back from the bar a mate I'd not seen for a couple of years had turned up late.
For some reason I can't explain, I grabbed his keys out of his hand and casually threw them in a semi melted ice bucket.
Hadn't realised it had his electronic car thingy on it. Also hasn't realised it wasn't my mate, but someone from the birthday boys work I'd never met in my life who looked like our mate.
Met him for a drink somewhere in Dartford. We went for a piss in a pub's toilets. The urine in the trough must have have been three or four inches deep and a deep shade of yellow. He saw a penny lying at the bottom, he reached in picked it up and put in his pocket. Looking at my shocked reaction he said " Most people would leave it there"
Had been on the piss up town one Saturday and was on last train home to dartford after having dodgy hot dog from vendor in Leicester Square. Just pulled out of London bridge and was in old fashioned slam door train and in first class compartment when got the my arse is gonna go feeling where you have just seconds to react. Pulled down the window, dropped my strides and stood with one foot the seats on either side, stuck my arse out the window whilst holding onto the luggage racks and unleashed what felt like several pints of diarrhoea out the window and down side of train. Course as I had both hand on the luggage rack I couldn't direct my piss as well so that sprayed off of the pull down bar on the window and on my mates and the train seats.
The Wigan goalie had one of these moments today - may well have relegated his side by doing it.
A personal one. We were playing 'Army' at school (I was about 10) and for some reason I had a golf ball in my pocket (I seem to remember it had turned up randomly in my back garden). I decided to bowl it across the playground at my mate pretending it was a hand grenade. Of course on a hard surface golf balls behave virtually the same as those rubber bouncy balls only with a hard metal shell and the ball hit a stone and ricocheted off at an angle striking a girl who was sitting on some steps right on the forehead and then bounced off across the playground. It all happened so quick neither her or her mates realised what had hit her and as she burst into tears and tried to stem the flow of blood while her friends ran to get a teacher I was able to slyly pick up the golf ball and skulk off without getting into any trouble.
I shared a flat with a friend years ago and she had a dog that we were looking after for a few days. She went to work while i looked after the dog during the day as i was working nights. About an hour after she had left (and telling me to make sure not to leave him in the flat with the bay window open as it was a first floor flat ) I took out the rubbish to the bins, left the main door unlatched as I went to drop the rubbish off. Came back and the door had shut and i was stuck outside in my pyjamas and had left the bay window of our flat open. Looked up and the dog is looking at me from the bay window wondering what I am doing outside. Decided to try and scale the wall like a crap Spiderman but got stuck half way up and took me ages to get back down. Managed to get hold of one of the neighbours and then had to try and remember my friends mobile number to get her to come back from work and let me back in. Needless to say I wasn't left to look after the dog again!
It was the last two weeks of me being in the cub scouts as we were leaving I noticed that a sash window on an upper floor above us was half open. I turned to my mate and bet him he couldn't throw a stone up through the gap. Like you do when you are 11. He had a couple of goes but hit the wall either side so smartarse me says " Let me show you how it is done." First shot straight through the gap followed by an enormous yell. We both legged it. The next week all hell broke loose at dib dab dob circle time as apparently the stone had hit the bulky brownie leader Brown Owl on her enormous arse. We were encouraged vehemently in that little circle that the bastard offender own up but it was my last week and I thought I would quite like to leave with my honour albeit rather shaky by now, still sort of intact, so I just stood there. For about 10 minutes. Luckily it had been my mate's last week the week before so I think it was eventually blamed on him in his absence. But I think old Akela knew. As I left that week with full cub honours I noticed the upper window was firmly closed.
When I was a kid my neighbours asked me to look after their cat when they went on their summer holiday. They left me some cat food and kindly paid me...all was well until I put the key in the lock, turned the key only to find that it had broken in my hand - cost £50 for a locksmith.
The next year they again asked me to look after their cat - all was well until my sister seeing the moggy over the other side of the road decided to call it over - cats and the highway code are not natural bedfellows and the poor thing made it halfway before it got squished.
They soon bought another cat - but never asked me to look after it again.
Swinging on the crossbar when our Manager told us how dangerous it was. The goal fell over, hit our 'keeper (also the manager's son) on the head. I got dropped for the game, I was only about 7!
Comments
For some reason I can't explain, I grabbed his keys out of his hand and casually threw them in a semi melted ice bucket.
Hadn't realised it had his electronic car thingy on it. Also hasn't realised it wasn't my mate, but someone from the birthday boys work I'd never met in my life who looked like our mate.
Met him for a drink somewhere in Dartford. We went for a piss in a pub's toilets. The urine in the trough must have have been three or four inches deep and a deep shade of yellow. He saw a penny lying at the bottom, he reached in picked it up and put in his pocket. Looking at my shocked reaction he said " Most people would leave it there"
A personal one. We were playing 'Army' at school (I was about 10) and for some reason I had a golf ball in my pocket (I seem to remember it had turned up randomly in my back garden). I decided to bowl it across the playground at my mate pretending it was a hand grenade. Of course on a hard surface golf balls behave virtually the same as those rubber bouncy balls only with a hard metal shell and the ball hit a stone and ricocheted off at an angle striking a girl who was sitting on some steps right on the forehead and then bounced off across the playground. It all happened so quick neither her or her mates realised what had hit her and as she burst into tears and tried to stem the flow of blood while her friends ran to get a teacher I was able to slyly pick up the golf ball and skulk off without getting into any trouble.
I turned to my mate and bet him he couldn't throw a stone up through the gap. Like you do when you are 11.
He had a couple of goes but hit the wall either side so smartarse me says " Let me show you how it is done."
First shot straight through the gap followed by an enormous yell.
We both legged it.
The next week all hell broke loose at dib dab dob circle time as apparently the stone had hit the bulky brownie leader Brown Owl on her enormous arse.
We were encouraged vehemently in that little circle that the bastard offender own up but it was my last week and I thought I would quite like to leave with my honour albeit rather shaky by now, still sort of intact, so I just stood there. For about 10 minutes. Luckily it had been my mate's last week the week before so I think it was eventually blamed on him in his absence. But I think old Akela knew.
As I left that week with full cub honours I noticed the upper window was firmly closed.
The next year they again asked me to look after their cat - all was well until my sister seeing the moggy over the other side of the road decided to call it over - cats and the highway code are not natural bedfellows and the poor thing made it halfway before it got squished.
They soon bought another cat - but never asked me to look after it again.