Well I reckon a tortoise because the integrity of its structure would likely be maintained as it is propelled out of the cannon. I would recommend a relatively low trajectory over say 30 metres to avoid any sun glare compromising the catcher's ability to easily and quickly pick out his/her target. A catcher's mitt might be prudent - that shell may well be a little on the warm side! Might I also finally recommend a 'spotter', to help the catcher pick out any RSPCA vans hurtling in his/her direction, as the projectile recipient may well have his/her attention more on the armour plated tortoise coming at him at 1500ft per second. Fascinating subject though, often overlooked.
You could easily catch an elephant. There's nothing to say you have to be alive afterwards. Only problem is you'd never fit an elephant into a cannon to fire it.
You just need to buy an elephant cannon. I think you're real problem is going to be getting hold of an elephant. They're well pricey these days and only come in boxes of 100.
You could easily catch an elephant. There's nothing to say you have to be alive afterwards. Only problem is you'd never fit an elephant into a cannon to fire it.
You just need to buy an elephant cannon. I think you're real problem is going to be getting hold of an elephant. They're well pricey these days and only come in boxes of 100. They won't split a box and let you have just one or two.
Well this thread has really got me thinking so yesterday I actually tried a little experiment.
In Scotland at the moment so chipmonks are a bit thin on the ground, managed to find a red squirrel. Now before all you eco mentallists and ALF tree huggers start parping have bit of compassion for me, they are really rare so took me fucking ages to catch one. Now a cannon as you can imagine even north of the border was a problem but I substituted that element of the experiment with some pretty tasty and expensive fireworks. Put everything in a metal bucket lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance.
Let me say now this thread is implusible bollocks. Have you tried cleaning the remains of a red squirrel off of your patio and French windows?
Well this thread has really got me thinking so yesterday I actually tried a little experiment.
In Scotland at the moment so chipmonks are a bit thin on the ground, managed to find a red squirrel. Now before all you eco mentallists and ALF tree huggers start parping have bit of compassion for me, they are really rare so took me fucking ages to catch one. Now a cannon as you can imagine even north of the border was a problem but I substituted that element of the experiment with some pretty tasty and expensive fireworks. Put everything in a metal bucket lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance.
Let me say now this thread is implusible bollocks. Have you tried cleaning the remains of a red squirrel off of your patio and French windows?
Mmmm, I can't help thinking your choice of firework might have been causing your problems with spatter there Soapy. You can light up the sky with Standard fireworks ok but they are generally pretty shit with red squirrels in a bucket ( though oddly they seem fine with the grey ones)
Well I reckon a tortoise because the integrity of its structure would likely be maintained as it is propelled out of the cannon. I would recommend a relatively low trajectory over say 30 metres to avoid any sun glare compromising the catcher's ability to easily and quickly pick out his/her target. A catcher's mitt might be prudent - that shell may well be a little on the warm side! Might I also finally recommend a 'spotter', to help the catcher pick out any RSPCA vans hurtling in his/her direction, as the projectile recipient may well have his/her attention more on the armour plated tortoise coming at him at 1500ft per second. Fascinating subject though, often overlooked.
A tortoise would do too much damage - it has to be something soft and absorbant! I too reckon a snake!
To counter this cruelty and redress the balance I once saw a pussy fire out a very small cannon ball. Or it could have been a ping-pong ball. Hit this bloke in the eye and led to a terrible case of conjunctivitus. Shocking stuff.
I thought an octopus would be the obvious choice because there's lots to get hold off once it leaves the barrel, and as others have pointed out providing it's fired over a distance, thereby creating an arc, it should be easy to catch. The OP doesn't mention any form of netting, so I assume you have to catch this in your arms.
Having thought this through further, obviously the type of cannon used would have a bearing on this. If for example an old fashioned cannon whereby you rammed the powder down the barrel first and used and incendiary device to ignite the powder would present a problem in that the Octopus is made of 80% fluid and would therefore dampen the powder.
I suggest this whole scenario requires more in-depth thought. Are there any ordnance experts on this list, shurely there must be, and I don't mean throwing flares at football matches.
One of those catapult, seesaw, let's storm this castle type thingy's would be better than a cannon. I think a cow would be quite stable in the air as the legs would permanently stick out straight (mainly through fear) This would mean she would cover the distance on her back...this would mean you'd have to catch her arse first, but at least you could possibly survive with maybe just a few flat spots on your face (a neck brace might be a good move) I'll work on velocity's and leverage and get back with my projections.
One of those catapult, seesaw, let's storm this castle type thingy's would be better than a cannon. I think a cow would be quite stable in the air as the legs would permanently stick out straight (mainly through fear) This would mean she would cover the distance on her back...this would mean you'd have to catch her arse first, but at least you could possibly survive with maybe just a few flat spots on your face (a neck brace might be a good move) I'll work on velocity's and leverage and get back with my projections.
Oi, Maybe_baby don't take your experimenting to far. I don't want to read about you caught up a cow in a local field.
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I probably could catch a millwall fan but I'd chose not to.
I guess I'll have to go for a sheep.
Well that's my day ruined.
Might I also finally recommend a 'spotter', to help the catcher pick out any RSPCA vans hurtling in his/her direction, as the projectile recipient may well have his/her attention more on the armour plated tortoise coming at him at 1500ft per second.
Fascinating subject though, often overlooked.
In Scotland at the moment so chipmonks are a bit thin on the ground, managed to find a red squirrel. Now before all you eco mentallists and ALF tree huggers start parping have bit of compassion for me, they are really rare so took me fucking ages to catch one. Now a cannon as you can imagine even north of the border was a problem but I substituted that element of the experiment with some pretty tasty and expensive fireworks. Put everything in a metal bucket lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance.
Let me say now this thread is implusible bollocks. Have you tried cleaning the remains of a red squirrel off of your patio and French windows?
You can light up the sky with Standard fireworks ok but they are generally pretty shit with red squirrels in a bucket ( though oddly they seem fine with the grey ones)
Having thought this through further, obviously the type of cannon used would have a bearing on this. If for example an old fashioned cannon whereby you rammed the powder down the barrel first and used and incendiary device to ignite the powder would present a problem in that the Octopus is made of 80% fluid and would therefore dampen the powder.
I suggest this whole scenario requires more in-depth thought. Are there any ordnance experts on this list, shurely there must be, and I don't mean throwing flares at football matches.
I reckon I could catch a seal, probably be the best to shoot out of a cannon too.