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The Worst Jokes EVER
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Bromley Graham said:"My wife's gone to the West Indies"
"Jamacia"
"No, she went of her own accord"
"What's a Grecian Urn?"
"Oh, about 30 bob a week"
Courtesy of Richard Wattis and Ian Carmichaei ...The Colditz Story.
That is rocketing inflation.Gribbo said:How much a Greecian earn?
About €500 a week, on average2 -
A tortoise went to the police station to report an incident in the park. He said, "I've been mugged by six snails!" The policeman said, "Can you explain in detail please." "No I can't," replied the tortoise. "It all happened so fast."0
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Colditz was 80 years ago to be fair!cfgs said:Bromley Graham said:"My wife's gone to the West Indies"
"Jamacia"
"No, she went of her own accord"
"What's a Grecian Urn?"
"Oh, about 30 bob a week"
Courtesy of Richard Wattis and Ian Carmichaei ...The Colditz Story.
That is rocketing inflation.Gribbo said:How much a Greecian earn?
About €500 a week, on average1 -
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani are all in the maternity ward together, their partners have all given birth to baby boys.
Unfortunately, there's a mix up with the doctors, nurses and the birth certificates and due to administrative issues, no-one knows who's child is who's.
The lead nurse explained the situation and the gentlemen in question agreed they'd go in to the baby ward one by one and they'd instantly know which child is theirs.
Purely by alphabetical order, the Englishman is asked to enter first, and after a few moments re-emerges from the room, holding what is very clearly a Pakistani newborn boy. When the Pakistani man surmises as such, the Englishman replied:
"I know that mate, but one of the other 2 in there is the spawn of a sheepsh*gger, and I'm not taking any chances"2 -
What's brown and sticky? A velcro turd0
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What’s a good treatment for water on the knee?
Drainpipe trousers…… Da boom tish.0 -
I think I can win this with an awful joke I made up.
Did you hear about the time Sir Isaac Newton mistakenly put Bisto in his Earl Grey?
He discovered gravy tea.
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What’s the secret to good comedy timing2
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Do you wanna know the best way to keep an idiot in suspense ?0
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I could have a feild day here.....0
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I've just made up another awful joke which the more senior members on here might 'get'.
Did you hear about the '70s, leather clad pop star who amassed a private army to try and overthrow the Government?
It was a coup, a coup, I just want you...0 -
Anything from @SoundAsa£1
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"Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"
"Pull yourself together man"0 -
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep ? .....rocket !
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Where do baby apes sleep ? .. in apricots.
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What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?
halloumi0 -
What is the best cheese to tempt a bear out of a tree…..
Camembert0 -
How can you get such a well known joke wrong?Gribbo said:How much a Greecian earn?
About €500 a week, on average2 -
Sargeant:"I didn't see you on the camouflage course this morning, Jones"Jones;:"Thank you sir"6
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What's got 26 legs, 12 teeth and 10 pubic hairs.The front row of a Des O'Connor concert.1
