Condolences AUN. Wrote my dad's eulogy. Didn't read it for a number of reasons (nerves, wanting to help mum through the day etc). Some very good advice has already been posted. Over the years I've had extended family members say how they liked it and remembering incorrectly that I had actually read it. People go into their own head space.
So sorry to hear that mate. Personally I couldn't offer you any advice as this is one thing I know I couldn't do. I lost my little brother 6 years ago and I so wanted to say some words for him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get through it.
Whatever you do and however well it goes, just remember your dad would be proud of you. Good luck.................
Had to read at my Grans and then my uncle's funerals in the last few weeks. Some good advice here, but the one thing I had to do was just concentrate on the words in front of me. I really couldn't bring myself to look at any of the family while standing up there.
My cousin did read a eulogy for his dad and his brother stepped up half way through when he had to stop for a while. He just put his arm around him and he was able to continue. If you have someone who can be there with you, even just to stand with you, that may help.
Definitely write what you are going to say and read it. You don't need the extra stress of having to try to remember stuff
You will probably find you want to get through to the end as quickly as possible. Try to resist this. People will really appreciate it if you can take your time and read it clearly. Also, you will feel better afterwards if you don't feel you rushed it. Pause and take deep breaths if you need to. Everyone is on your side.
Try to include some humour (near the start if possible). People love to smile /laugh at funerals - it helps them celebrate the life of the person. It will also relax you and make you feel more confident.
I would suggest you look up and speak over the heads of the people there (or certainly the people closest to you) and avoid any eye contact.
Arrange with someone else (eg the person conducting the service) that they will take over from you if you can't continue. Just that knowledge should be enough to ensure that you do get through.
Good luck.
Basically this. I read the eulogy for my wife's stepfather last year. He was a lovely bloke but he had his foibles and from a humour viewpoint I included those as well on the basis that those who really knew him would understand and have a bit of a giggle. I take the view that you should celebrate the life and the person and whilst it was a fairly long eulogy I couldn't edit it down without losing something of the person. The reverend understood this and it all went well in the end. I took the stance that it would be difficult to do but concentrated on not letting my emotions get in the way and deal with the whole thing sensibly and let my emotions come through at the end (when I had some time to myself). Consider it an honour AUN. My condolences.
Thanks for your input @I_was_Floyd. I'm still working on the final draft and I'm struggling to edit it due to the amount of positive stuff I want to say. Like you, I don't want to leave out anything that made him such a great bloke.
I would once again like to thank everyone who replied on this thread to offer me advice and to let you know that I managed to pay my final tribute to my dad. Felt sick from the minute I woke up but had a read through this thread and spoke to my cousin who read his mum's eulogy at her funeral and calmed a little. Large shot of vodka helped too. The service started and the vicar called me up, my mum, bless her, gave my hand a squeeze and that was enough for me. Despite one wobble I paid my tribute to my hero. Got a couple of laughs but it felt like I was reading for hours although it was just under five minutes. Afterwards several people came up to me and congratulated me, told me I'd done a brilliant job. Although the only response I got that really mattered to me was when mum said 'he'd have been so proud'. That's all I wanted. Really nice wake in the pub afterwards and despite the sadness of the occasion we managed to have quite a laugh. It was also really good to meet two blokes he'd served with over in Ireland in the early seventies who told me some stories I'd never heard before. Gave me even more reason to be proud to be the son of such a gent. All in all a fitting send off and I'm glad I managed to do my bit. In part thanks to my fellow Lifers. You're all top, top people!
Well done, mate. Didn't offer any advice originally as people deal with such things in very different ways and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for others.
However, I knew you'd get through it. People always do and they find that strength from somewhere; in your case it took a squeeze of your hand from your mum.
I'm sure all those present were proud of you and you should feel pride in yourself for overcoming your nerves and fears.
Great that you managed it AUN. Your mum's right...he'd be proud of you.
Mentioned my cousin earlier, who did the same for his da. Everyone, to a man/woman went to him afterwards to thank him for his words & tell him how well he had honoured his da. Sounds like you did the same. Keep remembering the good times!
Comments
Whatever you do and however well it goes, just remember your dad would be proud of you. Good luck.................
Had to read at my Grans and then my uncle's funerals in the last few weeks. Some good advice here, but the one thing I had to do was just concentrate on the words in front of me. I really couldn't bring myself to look at any of the family while standing up there.
My cousin did read a eulogy for his dad and his brother stepped up half way through when he had to stop for a while. He just put his arm around him and he was able to continue. If you have someone who can be there with you, even just to stand with you, that may help.
All the best
Tel
Felt sick from the minute I woke up but had a read through this thread and spoke to my cousin who read his mum's eulogy at her funeral and calmed a little. Large shot of vodka helped too.
The service started and the vicar called me up, my mum, bless her, gave my hand a squeeze and that was enough for me. Despite one wobble I paid my tribute to my hero. Got a couple of laughs but it felt like I was reading for hours although it was just under five minutes. Afterwards several people came up to me and congratulated me, told me I'd done a brilliant job. Although the only response I got that really mattered to me was when mum said 'he'd have been so proud'. That's all I wanted.
Really nice wake in the pub afterwards and despite the sadness of the occasion we managed to have quite a laugh. It was also really good to meet two blokes he'd served with over in Ireland in the early seventies who told me some stories I'd never heard before. Gave me even more reason to be proud to be the son of such a gent.
All in all a fitting send off and I'm glad I managed to do my bit. In part thanks to my fellow Lifers. You're all top, top people!
However, I knew you'd get through it. People always do and they find that strength from somewhere; in your case it took a squeeze of your hand from your mum.
I'm sure all those present were proud of you and you should feel pride in yourself for overcoming your nerves and fears.
Was that your Dad mentioned in the Brighton programme?
Mentioned my cousin earlier, who did the same for his da. Everyone, to a man/woman went to him afterwards to thank him for his words & tell him how well he had honoured his da. Sounds like you did the same. Keep remembering the good times!