Football fans in south London are celebrating the news that their club is officially enjoying their most exciting season on record according to new research undertaken by the University of Greenwich.
In a comprehensive survey sponsored by a leading Antwerp based electronic sub-component distribution and quality assurance company and undertaken by Professor Bob Blanket head of the university's new department of sports culture, statistics and media, results have shown that Charlton Athletic fans have enjoyed more thrills in 2014-15 than any other season in their history.
"It's too early to jump to conclusions" says Professor Blanket, "but this could well be the most revealing survey this department has undertaken since our exposure of widespread incontinence in international snooker".
Blanket explains that the research carefully measures key indicators over several seasons such as the warmth of pies, goals scored by players with odd names, fixtures against teams like Huddersfield , queues at the toilets at half-time and the charisma of key club figures.
"It's hard to avoid the conclusion that this is a very exciting period for this football club," says Blanket, stuffing a cheque into his trouser pocket.
"I understand that fans have been breathless with excitement since I took over", says owner Roland Duchatalet, who one journalist once accused of having had two glasses of red wine before dinner.
Duchatalet has a well founded reputation as a crazy-maverick-playboy in the European electronic sub-components distribution and quality-control sector and is not afraid to stay up after 9pm if there is something quite interesting in the TV.
" We have even changed the kit from red and white to white and red and now you can even buy vegetarian falafel in the East Stand " says Duchatelet pulling recklessly on a de-caffinated carrot juice.
"It's just crazy," said popular coach Bob Peters, who was taking a break from writing his latest coaching manual " How to achieve the same score in every match of a season".
"I haven't known anything like this in my career since having root canal work at a dentist in Bruges and they cancelled the appointment at the last minute due to heavy drizzle."
"Sometimes we go out there and draw 1-1 and other days we just go out there and draw 1-1- it's just impossible to predict," says Peters.
Since being taken over by charismatic playboy Roland Duchatalet last year most Charlton fans have agreed it has been a heady mix of quite interesting football and averagely reasonable food in a decent family atmosphere with very nice people attending.
"I thought the Premiership years under Curbs were more interesting to be honest and the promotion year under Chrissy P..." says Ronny Rizla, the acting chair of the Charlton Popular Supporters Front before being led away by stewards.
Mr Duchatelet is 94.
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Comments
Genuinely made me laugh !
Brilliant stuff.
In an exclusive interview with the award-wining Belgian lifestyle magazine, 'Armchair Weekly', the outspoken maverick owner of a south London football club has blasted media and fans for painting him as a tight-fisted, boring and emotionally sterile meglomaniac.
"It just is not fair. Everyone knows I am a warm, generous and exciting guy," says Roland Duchatelet, aged 97.
'Mr D', as he now likes to be known, is trying to build a more colourful personal image based on his reputation for having grey hair, earned in the rock & roll world of the Belgium electronics industry.
"Look, I often send my poor old Mum a funny birthday card," says Duchalet, "she only has to pay for the postage".
Sources very close to the mean-spirited magnate say he now only interacts with the outside world via a live video feed pumped into his luxury Antwerp flat, where he lives on a diet of discounted tinned spam. The same sources say that he insists on all the footage being in black & white, as he is allergic to bright colours.
"Sometimes, I even wear blue underpants but usually only at Christmas," says Duchatalet who lists 'central-heating' and 'comb collecting' among his varied interests and hobbies.
The tycoon is so angry about his 'boring old fart' image (or 'borinks elders-faarter' as they call him in Flemish media) that he is now determined to make stupid decisions just to make himself look more interesting.
"Look we have already had four coaches in two years at Charlton. One of them was bald and another did not even have a valid work permit. This all proves how really crazy and spontaneous I am," insists Duchatalet, who always takes his two-week summer holiday in the same small grey caravan in Zeebrugge.
"'Mr D' thinks there should be more fun and humour in the game, so this is why we always try to sign clowns," say his loyal Chief Executive and adopted step-daughter, Ms Katrien Yes-Meire-Lord.
Yes-Meire-Lord, aged 29, who is an ardent train enthusiast, thinks her boss has been misjudged by the media and loyal Charlton fans and dismisses accusations from those fans that she is an irrelevant puppet with no personal authority or opinion.
"Look, 'Mr D' is a warm vibrant and generous man who cares deeply about the spirit and roots of this proud club," says Ms Yes-Meire-Lord, reading carefully from a script written in Duchatelet's handwriting.
The editor would like to make clear that Mr Duchatelet aged 103 and Ms Yes-Meire-Lord aged 39, are just good friends and never discuss intimate business or football issues on match days or at any other time.