Hello all! I am in a bit of a bad situation at the moment.
After a few disagreements with my 4 year old sons mum, things came to a head last week after I asked her to respect boundaries after she had belittled and disrespected me after a discussion about his school. Now she has been adament about maintaining a friendship, but she has made this harder, has manipulated me and continually threaten to stop me from seeing my son every time we disagree.
Been trying to resolve this over text and whilst I have been respectful and constructively saying my point, she has responded rudely with nothing but vitriolic comments such as "stay in you f in lane" and "you do not want to piss me off" her mum has also left a cold, threatening voicemail as well!
I am not sure what to do, has anyone got any knowledge of family court or what I can do. I feel no matter what I'm not going to get anywhere with her at all! She has said to meet me tomorrow at hers, but I'm apprehensive, I mean this is a woman who has bit her mums face.
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It's a tough long road I'm afraid, but remember it's a marathon and not a sprint. Happy to talk via PM etc.
Solicoters are expensive as you can guess.
Talk to the school and they will share all you want to know about your child
Keep a note of everything like DA9 says.
Any money you pay no matter how petty it sounds should be paid into you ex's account with a reference to your child's upbringing/ maintenance or you won't have a leg to stand on if he CSA comes calling!!
Here is the details of the family court. This is as I'm assuming that you live in SE London.
It will then be past over to a more local court after that.
HM Courts and tribunals
The Family court at East London
6th and 7th floors
11 westferry Circus
Entrance in Columbus Courtyard
London
E14 4HD
02031972886
Good luck and never give up no mater how hard it gets!!
Best advice I can give is be patient, be a good dad when you do see your son, and be prepared for another 14 years of her calling the shots. Stand your ground, but dont get involved in the games. You can't win.
Did I mention patience?
I do think we talk a lot of father's rights and forget a father's responsibilities. "Be a good dad when you do see your son" - absolutely right, and when you don't too. It's hard, it's not a game but it is a long term work and in the long term your kids will see their parents for what they really are. Be kind, even to their mum, even when she's at her worst, and make things as easy as possible, always, for your lad. Never say a word against his mum in front of him.
A record of wrongs - although it sounds like a good idea and would probably work in most other circumstances - isn't really as helpful as you'd think, to be honest. The courts aren't interested, they are concerned for the child firstly - and they will consider that you need to learn to see your ex in a different light. Not fair, but it's the way they work - as blackheathaddick said of his experience, she wasn't even reprimanded. They're not interested in what's gone, so make sure your kid can talk well of you and they'll be sympathetic towards you for the future.
Based on my own experience there are times when you simply have to bite your tongue and not react. At the end of the day just try to maintain as much contact as you can keep your head down and get on with it because the important bit is you and your kid and the relationship you develop and keep. That's the part your child will appreciate in later years and so will you, because it will make all the crap worth it.
I really hope you get the chance to do that, because kids being used as possessions to negotiate and threaten ex partners with is so wrong.
Good luck Twiggy I really mean that.
Best of luck Twiggy.
I've got one friend who hasnt seen his daughter since she was 6 months old. She turned 18 earlier this year. He hasnt seen her once, despite years of going through the courts and the mother breaking every single rule going. Pure evil acting like that.
Of course, it doesnt always pan out like that. I've got a work colleague who hasnt seen his two kids in over a decade purely because he doesnt want anything to do with his ex-wife. When I asked him whether he missed his kids, he said absolutely not. I still remember what went through my head at that moment. One of disbelief. How on earth could you be like that with your own flesh and blood? It kills me not seeing my daughter from one week to the next. I've been doing it 7 and a bit years now and it still doesnt get any easier. Yet you get someone like that who just doesnt care and hasnt seen his kids in years through choice!
Anyhow, enough negativity.
I explained my position and now my sons mum is talking absolute waffle about money being more important than my son, simply because I said that if my time with him keeps being interrupted I would hold any money back into the situation is resolved, so now I feel I have no chocie but to go through the courts.