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The 39 steps to being a modern gentleman

According to the newspapers today, below are the 39 steps to being a gentleman.
Of course, its a load of bollocks, but how many do you tick off?

1. Negotiates airports with ease
2. Never lets a door slam in someone's face
3. Can train a dog and a rose
4. Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent
5. Knows when not to say anything
6. Wears his learning lightly
7. Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit, and a dinner jacket
8. Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes
9. Turns his mobile phone to silent at dinner
10. Carries house guests' luggage to their rooms
11. Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper
12. Says his name when being introduced
13. Breaks a relationship face-to-face
14. Is unafraid to speak the truth
15. Knows when to clap
16. Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time
17. Is good with waiters
18. Has two tricks to entertain children
19. Can undo a bra with one hand
20. Sings lustily in church
21. Is not a vegetarian
22. Can sail a boat and ride a horse
23. Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson
24. Never kisses and tells
25. Cooks an omelette to die for
26. Can prepare a one-match bonfire
27. Seeks out his hostess at a party
28. Knows when to use an emoji
29. Would never own a Chihuahua
30. Has read Pride and Prejudice
31. Can tie his own bow ties
32. Would not go to Puerto Rico
33. Knows the difference between a rook and a crow
34. Sandals? No. Never
35. Wears a rose, not a carnation
36. Swats flies and rescues spiders
37. Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition
38. Never blow dries his hair
39. Knows that there is always an exception to a rule.


  • (7) / (10) / (11) / (18) / (19) / (20) / (22) / (23) / (25) / (26) only ones that I fail on
  • It's like reading my C.V. Uncanny (winky thing)
  • Jesus, that bloke sounds like a right c#nt

    Thank god that I'm missing a few attributes... Else you Sir, would be challenged to a duel!!
  • I don't tip the gamekeeper unless he shoots the rabbits and gives my wife one.

  • Gives your wife a rabbit or gives her one?
  • I pass with flying colours .. but alas, one attribute was left off the list .. 40) Gentlemen prefer blondes
  • Is (22) at the same time?
  • C_A_F_C said:

    Is (22) at the same time?

    Of course - and a lot easier than riding a boat and sailing a horse I can tell you!
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  • 21) ... Is not a vegetarian.

    So all the vegans are modern gentlemen, eh? Nice one.
  • Number 23 I can barely tell the difference between Glenda Jackson and Johnnie Jackson, I would say Johnnie has the better legs.
    Number 20 Only when I am drunk
    Number 27 See above
  • No 5 down to a fine art.
    15 would be a fine thing.
    What is wrong with lilac socks!
  • All except 3, 7, 20, 23, 25, 28, 33. Can also only do half of 22 (ride a horse)
  • 25.
    How to you train a rose. You just plant it and it grows. It won't respond to verbal commands or encouragement.
  • 19. Can undo a bra with one hand, leave it out a true Gent doesn't wear a bra

    Brilliant !
  • TelMc32 said:

    Love how (19) "can undo a bra with one hand" follows directly on from (18) "has two tricks to entertain children with"!!

    And for my second trick kids...I'll just be using my teeth to remove the lady's undercrackers!! :blush:

    Too much detail, Swiss Tony...after the bra it's onto (20)singing lustily in church, then probably confession
  • iaitch said:

    Gives your wife a rabbit or gives her one?

    I'll ask her.
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