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Things children say

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  • edited September 2018
    My wife told me yesterday that she was telling some year 5/6 kids off for mucking about in the corridor.

    She'd had a bit of a day of it and when a couple of them just ignored her, she told them firmly to go in to her office and sit down.

    One strolled in, sat down and said "nice comfy seats in here".

    She said she was on the edge of either laughing or exploding.

    I'd last 5 minutes in her job.
  • When my sister-in-law was picking up her grandchild from school, the kid bellowed across the playground at the top of her voice, "Nanny, Nanny I've got NITS!"

  • My 3 year old daughter likes to keep us informed about the weather. In very light rain we usually get "It's dribbling outside"
  • my youngest daughter is 3 and definitely rules the roost in our house, some of the stuff she comes out with is hilarious - she now has a baby brother to bully/mother, he's only 21 months and is just now beginning to tell her he doesn't want to do this and that.....it's hilarious to watch them sometimes, however the love between them with such a close age gap is amazing to see.
  • My three year likes to encourage her old man. “You ate all your dinner... good job Daddy!”. Or if I’ve been doing some DIY “Did you tidy your tools away Daddy? Good job!”. The best one recently, was when I took to her to the toilet at the shopping mall and she loudly proclaimed, so everyone else in there could hear, “You didn’t get any on the seat... good job Daddy!”.

    Currently no one is allowed to say stupid... “Don’t say stupid... it’s not a nice word... say silly instead”. She can be 3 rooms away and you can whisper it but she’ll still come tell you off.

    The other day she was trying to tell me something but I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. After about the 8th try she sighs, puts her hands on her hips and says “Daddy, please listen to my words... how many times do I have to say it?”

    She’s asked for a baby brother for Christmas. I think she wants another idiot male in the house to boss around. She’s already got me and the dog firmly in line.

    Threenager they call it. God knows what she’ll be like when she gets to puberty.

    I'd start saving up for a man cave now if I were you mate.
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  • Teaching our 2 year old granddaughter to identify items in the lounge. So we proceed with photos of the dogs and family members, through to fish tanks and varying ornaments finishing a large clock on the wall. So when mummy comes home to collect her she happily shows her what she has learnt today. Running around the lounge naming all the items to finally reaches the last one only to drop the L and shout COCK at the top of her voice. Oops, Grandads in trouble again. ;)
  • My 4 yr old just told me at 5 he will be a teenager and he is going to get married and get a job
  • My 4 yr old just told me at 5 he will be a teenager and he is going to get married and get a job

    Nothing wrong with a strict up bringing D. ;)
  • I was talking to my son and mentioned he was 4 in 2 weeks.

    I then said sisters birthday is in 3 weeks do u know how old she will be, his response was 6(she will be 2)

    I then said how old is mummy and he said 4
    I then said how old am I he said 6.

    I love that kid so much, he does make me laugh
  • T_C_E said:

    My 4 yr old just told me at 5 he will be a teenager and he is going to get married and get a job

    Nothing wrong with a strict up bringing D. ;)
    Off his noggin my littlest mate
  • Our 3 year old thinks Nanny and Grandpa live in "Rollerskate".

    It's Ramsgate.
  • PopIcon said:

    As a child I used to think Jesus was born in Bexleyheath.

    We did a song in a school play once "O Little Town of Bexleyheath".

    The only line I vaguely remember is 'above thy deeply piss-stained streets'.
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  • “F**k off you c**t!” from one of the lovely kids (five year old) to my wife at the school she works at.
  • My 6 year old regularly asks me why I am so weird.
  • Ah, that one's easy - "It runs in the family. One day you'll be just as weird as I am, so you may as well get used to it now."
  • I think my grandson actually belongs to @Riscardo .

    He (my grandson) told me I was 27 earlier today.
  • Dropped our daughter at Brownie camp this evening and she made us promise we wouldn’t make a baby or drink so much we die while she’s there.
    Understandable.
  • Dropped our daughter at Brownie camp this evening and she made us promise we wouldn’t make a baby or drink so much we die while she’s there.
    Did you tell her that you can’t get pregnant when you do it “that way “
  • Dropped our daughter at Brownie camp this evening and she made us promise we wouldn’t make a baby or drink so much we die while she’s there.
    *Solemn face*

    "I can't make any promises."
  • Dropped our daughter at Brownie camp this evening and she made us promise we wouldn’t make a baby or drink so much we die while she’s there.
    *Solemn face*

    "I can't make any promises."
    I did feel like saying there’ll be no chance of you having a brother or sister but can’t guarantee the other.

    She saw a news report of a student that drank himself to death last year and worries whenever we have a drink.
  • My youngest just said he wants to fight Tyson 🙈
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