It's yet another Saturday morning and it's getting a bit difficult to imagine what the bollocky old B.O could be getting up to next. In truth, he's been a bit quiet. He hasn't duck taped much lately, and he's not said anything stupid for AGES. Which is frankly a bit disappointing. Maybe he's not well. So anyway, while we are waiting for him to return to type, here's a nice picture of a kitten -
Next week, I'll be looking at recipes ideally suited to the angry stupid supporter. There will be be Boycotters Bangers and Mash and Protestor's Plum ( Willie) Duff. All simple dishes you can cobble together while pressing the refresh button on the match thread. In the meantime, he's still here. Oh fuck upon fuck upon diddley do fuck...
Septagenarian multi euro millionaire electronics magnate Roland "twinkle toes" Dutchelet is to sell his interest in decimated English 3rd division football cloob Charlton Athletic. Sources close to the great man have been quoted as saying, "his supreme highness, has decided fusball is not for him..."
I see that a bit as a bit of an analogy of our current plight. We were once a beautiful free range chicken.. then someone came along and had other ideas.... ( this comment is a little tongue in chick if you'll pardon that image)
Now as many fear, we could be in for a long haul here. So here is The official Angry Stupid Supporter Fuck it list.
Here's 35 things you could do while you wait for the B.O to fuck off:
1. Whack yourself round the head every morning with a kipper. 2. Count all the screws in the door hinges in your house. 3. Climb Mount Everest in your slippers. (Be careful, it's really icy up there) 4. Read War and Peace upside down. 5. Perfect your impersonation of a Dalek. 6. Check the number of roads in Wyoming. 7. Marry a bag of onion rings. 8. Lay on your bed studying a corner of the ceiling intently for a week. 9. See if you can swallow and then cough up a baby bel. 10. Find out everything you possibly can about corned beef. 11. Pretend to be a worker at Burger King. Tidy the tables, but everyone so often shout " CLIVE MENDONCA!!!" and squirt tomato sauce at anyone who irks you. 12. Buy a quality bucket. 13. Cook Boycotters Bangers and Mash and shove it all in your mouth in one go. 14. Buy a canoe then throw it away. You fucking hate canoes. 15. Join a cult, and working from the inside, turn it into a Victoria Sponge Cake making group. 16. Live in a bouncy castle for a month. 17. Make your own cutlery out of a discarded old sofa and duck tape. 18. Invent a gun for flinging pancakes across the A21 near Pembury. 19. Hire a bunch of monkeys and a typewriter and wait for them to write a Sun editorial : Warning ⚠️ this might be quicker than you think 20. Start up a conversation with a chicken 21. Go to Morrisons and buy a plastic bag. Then ask for a plastic bag to put it in. 22. Paint the outside of your house bright red. Then change your mind and scrape it all off. 23. Pretend you are inventing a fantastic new game called Canasto. It is exactly like Canasta. 24. Write a rousing anthem about cows. 25. See if you can balance a jar of coffee on your head all day. 26. Have a go at recording Game of Thrones on a trout. ( warning ⚠️ this may not be possible) 27. Live like a bee for a month. 28. Remind everyone you know. ( a fairly open ended task that from the fuck it list) 29. Go fishing for Bonnie Langfords. 30. Inherit a stoat. 31. Do a brisk 10 minute walk every day. Try it blindfold to make it 'interesting' 32. Dress like Batman and Robin with a mate, and go round tackling crime on a tricycle. 33. See if you can avoid Sunday. 34. Rent A Tree. 35. Somehow keep the faith.
Well, there's something to do there for everyone. He's still here. Oh fuck...
Comments
Let's try that again.
Day 1326.
And he's still here.
Oh typofalutin' fuck.....
Here.
Fuck....
Another day, he's still here.
Oh endless fuck...
Is that old Belgian dance disaster still in charge? Fook!
He's still here.
Oh bilious fuck....
It's yet another Saturday morning and it's getting a bit difficult to imagine what the bollocky old B.O could be getting up to next. In truth, he's been a bit quiet. He hasn't duck taped much lately, and he's not said anything stupid for AGES. Which is frankly a bit disappointing. Maybe he's not well.
So anyway, while we are waiting for him to return to type, here's a nice picture of a kitten -
Next week, I'll be looking at recipes ideally suited to the angry stupid supporter. There will be be Boycotters Bangers and Mash and Protestor's Plum ( Willie) Duff. All simple dishes you can cobble together while pressing the refresh button on the match thread.
In the meantime, he's still here.
Oh fuck upon fuck upon diddley do fuck...
"Lord please let Roland concentrate on his disco dancing career, and please release Charlton Athletic from this avarice and mendacity..."
He's still here.
Oh Bank Holiday fuck.....
He's still here.
Oh fuck...
He's still here.
Oh midweek fuck..
Still here.
Oh cluckfuck...
Septagenarian multi euro millionaire electronics magnate Roland "twinkle toes" Dutchelet is to sell his interest in decimated English 3rd division football cloob Charlton Athletic. Sources close to the great man have been quoted as saying, "his supreme highness, has decided fusball is not for him..."
...zzzzzzzz......... er?.... "Oh Fuck!!!!!!"
Beautiful dreams, living nightmares
We were once a beautiful free range chicken.. then someone came along and had other ideas.... ( this comment is a little tongue in chick if you'll pardon that image)
He's still here. Cheap cheap.
Oh fuck..
Now as many fear, we could be in for a long haul here.
So here is The official Angry Stupid Supporter Fuck it list.
Here's 35 things you could do while you wait for the B.O to fuck off:
1. Whack yourself round the head every morning with a kipper.
2. Count all the screws in the door hinges in your house.
3. Climb Mount Everest in your slippers. (Be careful, it's really icy up there)
4. Read War and Peace upside down.
5. Perfect your impersonation of a Dalek.
6. Check the number of roads in Wyoming.
7. Marry a bag of onion rings.
8. Lay on your bed studying a corner of the ceiling intently for a week.
9. See if you can swallow and then cough up a baby bel.
10. Find out everything you possibly can about corned beef.
11. Pretend to be a worker at Burger King. Tidy the tables, but everyone so often shout " CLIVE MENDONCA!!!" and squirt tomato sauce at anyone who irks you.
12. Buy a quality bucket.
13. Cook Boycotters Bangers and Mash and shove it all in your mouth in one go.
14. Buy a canoe then throw it away. You fucking hate canoes.
15. Join a cult, and working from the inside, turn it into a Victoria Sponge Cake making group.
16. Live in a bouncy castle for a month.
17. Make your own cutlery out of a discarded old sofa and duck tape.
18. Invent a gun for flinging pancakes across the A21 near Pembury.
19. Hire a bunch of monkeys and a typewriter and wait for them to write a Sun editorial : Warning ⚠️ this might be quicker than you think
20. Start up a conversation with a chicken
21. Go to Morrisons and buy a plastic bag. Then ask for a plastic bag to put it in.
22. Paint the outside of your house bright red. Then change your mind and scrape it all off.
23. Pretend you are inventing a fantastic new game called Canasto. It is exactly like Canasta.
24. Write a rousing anthem about cows.
25. See if you can balance a jar of coffee on your head all day.
26. Have a go at recording Game of Thrones on a trout. ( warning ⚠️ this may not be possible)
27. Live like a bee for a month.
28. Remind everyone you know. ( a fairly open ended task that from the fuck it list)
29. Go fishing for Bonnie Langfords.
30. Inherit a stoat.
31. Do a brisk 10 minute walk every day. Try it blindfold to make it 'interesting'
32. Dress like Batman and Robin with a mate, and go round tackling crime on a tricycle.
33. See if you can avoid Sunday.
34. Rent A Tree.
35. Somehow keep the faith.
Well, there's something to do there for everyone.
He's still here.
Oh fuck...