Today we feature diary excerpts from the personal logs of The B.O, Mrs B.O, and Daisy.
The B.O’s diary -
“Day 1363. WHY OH WHY WON’T SOMEONE BUY THIS FUCKING SHITTY SHIT FOOTBALL CLUB ????!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE???? I’VE DROPPED THE PRICE BY £500, I’VE THROWN IN A COUPLE OF MATCH BALLS, AND THE FUCKING GOALPOSTS, AND STILL NO WANKERS HAVE SAID THEY WANT IT!!! AND ALL THIS DUE DILIGENCE SHIT!!! I DID MY DD IN 20 MINUTES OVER A COFFEE IN STARBUCKS, WHAT ELSE DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?? I MEAN, I’VE ALREADY TOLD THEM HOW MUCH THE STUPID CLUB IS WORTH FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! I KNOW I HAVE THE BENEFIT OF BEING A FUCKING VISIONARY BUT, REALLY, ARE THEY ALL JUST THAT STUPID??......... .....I see She-Who-Must-Never-Be-Mentioned-By-Name-In-My-Presence-EVER-Again is causing a bit of a stir up in Shatfilled Windy. I knew she would.... she’s that good.....OH WHY DID SHE GO!!!???? OK, SHE WAS TOTAL CRAP, BUT SHE WAS MY HANDPICKED TOTAL CRAP!! AAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!” ( there are signs of bite marks in the diary at this point)”
Mrs. B.O’s diary -
“Day 1 million.
He’s been a complete fucking nightmare again. He just sits in his shed, looking at a picture of a squirrel and quietly sobbing into his coffee. And And every time I go in there, he looks up expectantly, and whispers- “ Has anyone bought it yet?” Every time I shake my head, he shudders miserably and eats another garden nail. And the old argumentative problem has returned again. Arguing against anything. Last week he was insistent the world was square, because he “thought so.” Yesterday everything was purple, red, or green. And this is what happened this morning when I took his coffee in - “ My good woman.” He said “Why have you brought me another coffee and little amaretto biscuit? For can you not see that I already have my coffee and little amaretto biscuit here on my bench?” I looked at him, gazed briefly at the bench, then returned my eyes to him. “ That’s not a cup of coffee. That’s a box of rivets.” I said. “ No, no.” He replied. “Look more closely it is clearly a cup of coffee” I sighed. “ It’s a box of fucking rivets.” “ No, no, my dear. NO..” replies the B.O. “Remember I am a fucking Visionary. I am the one with all the money. That makes me right about everything. Therefore, you are mistaken. And LOOK, dear, next to my coffee, is the little amaretto biscuit as always.” He said. I took a deep breath. “ No, that appears to be a dead frog, you have found in the garden.” I said evenly. At this point he started biting the bench. Apparently, visionaries do that.”
Daisy’s journal -
Day7 “ OMG omg omg! Just did my first signing! Been practising my new autograph all afternoon in my new office, and it looks great and ordered my first new pack of biscuits for the boardroom! The new signature looked well sick! The underling looked well impressed, he did that eyes to the ceiling look that all the Brits do over here, when they like someone, are well impressed and want to be BFF! Anyway, it’s great up here! I’ve got some important meetings coming up! I’m going to order some new stationery at 11.00 tomo as soon as I get in, and at 12.00 I’m off to DFS to discuss an exciting new idea of mine! A fan’s bed! Oh this is SO much fun!!!”
Today we feature diary excerpts from the personal logs of The B.O, Mrs B.O, and Daisy.
The B.O’s diary -
“Day 1363. WHY OH WHY WON’T SOMEONE BUY THIS FUCKING SHITTY SHIT FOOTBALL CLUB ????!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE???? I’VE DROPPED THE PRICE BY £500, I’VE THROWN IN A COUPLE OF MATCH BALLS, AND THE FUCKING GOALPOSTS, AND STILL NO WANKERS HAVE SAID THEY WANT IT!!! AND ALL THIS DUE DILIGENCE SHIT!!! I DID MY DD IN 20 MINUTES OVER A COFFEE IN STARBUCKS, WHAT ELSE DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?? I MEAN, I’VE ALREADY TOLD THEM HOW MUCH THE STUPID CLUB IS WORTH FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! I KNOW I HAVE THE BENEFIT OF BEING A FUCKING VISIONARY BUT, REALLY, ARE THEY ALL JUST THAT STUPID??......... .....I see She-Who-Must-Never-Be-Mentioned-By-Name-In-My-Presence-EVER-Again is causing a bit of a stir up in Shatfilled Windy. I knew she would.... she’s that good.....OH WHY DID SHE GO!!!???? OK, SHE WAS TOTAL CRAP, BUT SHE WAS MY HANDPICKED TOTAL CRAP!! AAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!” ( there are signs of bite marks in the diary at this point)”
Mrs. B.O’s diary -
“Day 1 million.
He’s been a complete fucking nightmare again. He just sits in his shed, looking at a picture of a squirrel and quietly sobbing into his coffee. And And every time I go in there, he looks up expectantly, and whispers- “ Has anyone bought it yet?” Every time I shake my head, he shudders miserably and eats another garden nail. And the old argumentative problem has returned again. Arguing against anything. Last week he was insistent the world was square, because he “thought so.” Yesterday everything was purple, red, or green. And this is what happened this morning when I took his coffee in - “ My good woman.” He said “Why have you brought me another coffee and little amaretto biscuit? For can you not see that I already have my coffee and little amaretto biscuit here on my bench?” I looked at him, gazed briefly at the bench, then returned my eyes to him. “ That’s not a cup of coffee. That’s a box of rivets.” I said. “ No, no.” He replied. “Look more closely it is clearly a cup of coffee” I sighed. “ It’s a box of fucking rivets.” “ No, no, my dear. NO..” replies the B.O. “Remember I am a fucking Visionary. I am the one with all the money. That makes me right about everything. Therefore, you are mistaken. And LOOK, dear, next to my coffee, is the little amaretto biscuit as always.” He said. I took a deep breath. “ No, that appears to be a dead frog, you have found in the garden.” I said evenly. At this point he started biting the bench. Apparently, visionaries do that.”
Daisy’s journal -
Day7 “ OMG omg omg! Just did my first signing! Been practising my new autograph all afternoon in my new office, and it looks great and ordered my first new pack of biscuits for the boardroom! The new signature looked well sick! The underling looked well impressed, he did that eyes to the ceiling look that all the Brits do over here, when they like someone, are well impressed and want to be BFF! Anyway, it’s great up here! I’ve got some important meetings coming up! I’m going to order some new stationery at 11.00 tomo as soon as I get in, and at 12.00 I’m off to DFS to discuss an exciting new idea of mine! A fan’s bed! Oh this is SO much fun!!!”
Today we feature diary excerpts from the personal logs of The B.O, Mrs B.O, and Daisy.
The B.O’s diary -
“Day 1363. WHY OH WHY WON’T SOMEONE BUY THIS FUCKING SHITTY SHIT FOOTBALL CLUB ????!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE???? I’VE DROPPED THE PRICE BY £500, I’VE THROWN IN A COUPLE OF MATCH BALLS, AND THE FUCKING GOALPOSTS, AND STILL NO WANKERS HAVE SAID THEY WANT IT!!! AND ALL THIS DUE DILIGENCE SHIT!!! I DID MY DD IN 20 MINUTES OVER A COFFEE IN STARBUCKS, WHAT ELSE DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?? I MEAN, I’VE ALREADY TOLD THEM HOW MUCH THE STUPID CLUB IS WORTH FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! I KNOW I HAVE THE BENEFIT OF BEING A FUCKING VISIONARY BUT, REALLY, ARE THEY ALL JUST THAT STUPID??......... .....I see She-Who-Must-Never-Be-Mentioned-By-Name-In-My-Presence-EVER-Again is causing a bit of a stir up in Shatfilled Windy. I knew she would.... she’s that good.....OH WHY DID SHE GO!!!???? OK, SHE WAS TOTAL CRAP, BUT SHE WAS MY HANDPICKED TOTAL CRAP!! AAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!” ( there are signs of bite marks in the diary at this point)”
Mrs. B.O’s diary -
“Day 1 million.
He’s been a complete fucking nightmare again. He just sits in his shed, looking at a picture of a squirrel and quietly sobbing into his coffee. And And every time I go in there, he looks up expectantly, and whispers- “ Has anyone bought it yet?” Every time I shake my head, he shudders miserably and eats another garden nail. And the old argumentative problem has returned again. Arguing against anything. Last week he was insistent the world was square, because he “thought so.” Yesterday everything was purple, red, or green. And this is what happened this morning when I took his coffee in - “ My good woman.” He said “Why have you brought me another coffee and little amaretto biscuit? For can you not see that I already have my coffee and little amaretto biscuit here on my bench?” I looked at him, gazed briefly at the bench, then returned my eyes to him. “ That’s not a cup of coffee. That’s a box of rivets.” I said. “ No, no.” He replied. “Look more closely it is clearly a cup of coffee” I sighed. “ It’s a box of fucking rivets.” “ No, no, my dear. NO..” replies the B.O. “Remember I am a fucking Visionary. I am the one with all the money. That makes me right about everything. Therefore, you are mistaken. And LOOK, dear, next to my coffee, is the little amaretto biscuit as always.” He said. I took a deep breath. “ No, that appears to be a dead frog, you have found in the garden.” I said evenly. At this point he started biting the bench. Apparently, visionaries do that.”
Daisy’s journal -
Day7 “ OMG omg omg! Just did my first signing! Been practising my new autograph all afternoon in my new office, and it looks great and ordered my first new pack of biscuits for the boardroom! The new signature looked well sick! The underling looked well impressed, he did that eyes to the ceiling look that all the Brits do over here, when they like someone, are well impressed and want to be BFF! Anyway, it’s great up here! I’ve got some important meetings coming up! I’m going to order some new stationery at 11.00 tomo as soon as I get in, and at 12.00 I’m off to DFS to discuss an exciting new idea of mine! A fan’s bed! Oh this is SO much fun!!!”
The 1365 days(and counting)have seen 3blokes diary become as famous as peep's Diary ! I hope in a decade or 3 this is his epitaph ? 3blokes has gone, Oh Fuck.
The 1365 days(and counting)have seen 3blokes diary become as famous as peep's Diary ! I hope in a decade or 3 this is his epitaph ? 3blokes has gone, Oh Fuck.
3blokes will never be gone. The day Roland sells he will start a new thread. Counting the days since Roland sold.
The 1365 days(and counting)have seen 3blokes diary become as famous as peep's Diary ! I hope in a decade or 3 this is his epitaph ? 3blokes has gone, Oh Fuck.
3blokes will never be gone. The day Roland sells he will start a new thread. Counting the days since Roland sold.
The 1365 days(and counting)have seen 3blokes diary become as famous as peep's Diary ! I hope in a decade or 3 this is his epitaph ? 3blokes has gone, Oh Fuck.
3blokes will never be gone. The day Roland sells he will start a new thread. Counting the days since Roland sold.
Day 1370 and 1371. Well another week gone and still the saga continues,and to paraphrase the Bard we still have a fail, unsold by an idiot, full of sound and fury, understanding nothing. So the fucks continue. He’s still here. Oh repeated fuck...
Disappointing that the BO is not in his shed dancing a little fandango of joy having sold Ricky Holmes for £1m and paid off some debt, Konsa for £3m and paid off some debt and sold the club for £25m writing off all the debt apart from a special debenture that pays out £10m if we reach the premiership and £20m if we reach the champions league.
Day 1375. I don’t know if I have lost the thread in the Takeover thread a little, but something appears to be afoot.....somewhere. I dread to use that word “ imminent”, because I may have lost the plot a little or it has lost me, so I know nothing but for now I believe I can safely confirm the following - He’s still here. Oh FUCK .......
Day 1376. Another day of intrigue, a whodunnit has-he-dunnit, what-the-eff-is-he-thinking-of-it and a whydidhedoitinthefirstplace. Hold on to your hats, he’s still here. Oh fuck...
Day 1377 and 1378. This morning, on the door of the shed, there is a sign saying -
YARD SALE EVEYTHING MUST GO.!!!
So, let’s join the busy crowd of one Would Be Investor and his dog, as he goes about the business of picking up a gilt edged bargain.
B.O - “ Come on, fucking hurry up and buy something, you twat, I haven’t got all day!” The Would Be Investor gives a sniff and a bit of a shrug. “ There’s not much here.” he says, looking round. “ WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO INVEST IN A GOLDEN TOMORROW!!!” yells The B.O. At this point, Mrs B.O appears with a coffee. The B.O looks at her slightly irritably and says - “Put my coffee down on the bench please, Bart, I’m just in the middle of important sale business.” he says. Mrs. B.O looks at him, as though she is having rather murderous thoughts and leaves. The B.O. turns back to The Would Be Investor In A Golden Age “ So come on then, haven’t you fucking bought anything yet!!” he yells. The Would Be Investor in A Golden Age surveys the contents of the sale -
Packet of Peanuts ( slightly used) -£2million
Cat ( bit dead) - £24 million
10 rivets - £500k each or all 10 for £6 million
Garden shed ( recently refurbed with with new bracket) £200 million
The man gives a sigh and turns to walk away with his dog. “ Sorry, mate, it’s a load of old crap.” The B.O looks at his departing figure in amazement. “ WHAT IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH EVERYONE!!????” he screams. Let’s leave the B.O having a little dance of rage ( nice moves ) and kicking the bit dead cat in his shed, as he reflects on one of life’s imponderables. Those vinegar pissing stupid people eh. He’s still here. Oh fuck...
Comments
( and you were right, it didn’t really help
Today we feature diary excerpts from the personal logs of The B.O, Mrs B.O, and Daisy.
The B.O’s diary -
“Day 1363.
WHY OH WHY WON’T SOMEONE BUY THIS FUCKING SHITTY SHIT FOOTBALL CLUB ????!!!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE???? I’VE DROPPED THE PRICE BY £500, I’VE THROWN IN A COUPLE OF MATCH BALLS, AND THE FUCKING GOALPOSTS, AND STILL NO WANKERS HAVE SAID THEY WANT IT!!! AND ALL THIS DUE DILIGENCE SHIT!!! I DID MY DD IN 20 MINUTES OVER A COFFEE IN STARBUCKS, WHAT ELSE DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?? I MEAN, I’VE ALREADY TOLD THEM HOW MUCH THE STUPID CLUB IS WORTH FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! I KNOW I HAVE THE BENEFIT OF BEING A FUCKING VISIONARY BUT, REALLY, ARE THEY ALL JUST THAT STUPID??.........
.....I see She-Who-Must-Never-Be-Mentioned-By-Name-In-My-Presence-EVER-Again is causing a bit of a stir up in Shatfilled Windy. I knew she would.... she’s that good.....OH WHY DID SHE GO!!!???? OK, SHE WAS TOTAL CRAP, BUT SHE WAS MY HANDPICKED TOTAL CRAP!! AAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!”
( there are signs of bite marks in the diary at this point)”
Mrs. B.O’s diary -
“Day 1 million.
He’s been a complete fucking nightmare again. He just sits in his shed, looking at a picture of a squirrel and quietly sobbing into his coffee. And And every time I go in there, he looks up expectantly, and whispers-
“ Has anyone bought it yet?”
Every time I shake my head, he shudders miserably and eats another garden nail.
And the old argumentative problem has returned again. Arguing against anything. Last week he was insistent the world was square, because he “thought so.” Yesterday everything was purple, red, or green. And this is what happened this morning when I took his coffee in -
“ My good woman.” He said “Why have you brought me another coffee and little amaretto biscuit? For can you not see that I already have my coffee and little amaretto biscuit here on my bench?”
I looked at him, gazed briefly at the bench, then returned my eyes to him.
“ That’s not a cup of coffee. That’s a box of rivets.” I said.
“ No, no.” He replied. “Look more closely it is clearly a cup of coffee”
I sighed.
“ It’s a box of fucking rivets.”
“ No, no, my dear. NO..” replies the B.O. “Remember I am a fucking Visionary. I am the one with all the money. That makes me right about everything. Therefore, you are mistaken. And LOOK, dear, next to my coffee, is the little amaretto biscuit as always.” He said.
I took a deep breath.
“ No, that appears to be a dead frog, you have found in the garden.” I said evenly.
At this point he started biting the bench.
Apparently, visionaries do that.”
Daisy’s journal -
Day7
“ OMG omg omg! Just did my first signing! Been practising my new autograph all afternoon in my new office, and it looks great and ordered my first new pack of biscuits for the boardroom! The new signature looked well sick! The underling looked well impressed, he did that eyes to the ceiling look that all the Brits do over here, when they like someone, are well impressed and want to be BFF! Anyway, it’s great up here! I’ve got some important meetings coming up! I’m going to order some new stationery at 11.00 tomo as soon as I get in, and at 12.00 I’m off to DFS to discuss an exciting new idea of mine! A fan’s bed! Oh this is SO much fun!!!”
He’s still here.
Oh fuck...
Very good
He’s still here.
Oh endless fuck...
The day Roland sells he will start a new thread.
Counting the days since Roland sold.
He’s still here.
Oh fuck....
Is he still around?
Fuck!!!
He’s still here.
Oh fuck.... ( still looks like a good few fucks to go, I reckon, Arsene)
He’s still here.
Oh fuck...
Oh fuck!
He’s still here.
Oh interminably Irritating fuck...
Well another week gone and still the saga continues,and to paraphrase the Bard we still have a fail, unsold by an idiot, full of sound and fury, understanding nothing.
So the fucks continue.
He’s still here.
Oh repeated fuck...
Amid all the speculation he’s still here.
Oh speculative fuck...
He’s still here.
Oh rumbling on fuck...
He’s still here.
Oh fuck....
I don’t know if I have lost the thread in the Takeover thread a little, but something appears to be afoot.....somewhere. I dread to use that word “ imminent”, because I may have lost the plot a little or it has lost me, so I know nothing but for now I believe I can safely confirm the following -
He’s still here.
Oh FUCK .......
All together now; Oh F.......
[fingers crossed emoji thing]
Another day of intrigue, a whodunnit has-he-dunnit, what-the-eff-is-he-thinking-of-it and a whydidhedoitinthefirstplace.
Hold on to your hats, he’s still here.
Oh fuck...
This morning, on the door of the shed, there is a sign saying -
YARD SALE
EVEYTHING MUST GO.!!!
So, let’s join the busy crowd of one Would Be Investor and his dog, as he goes about the business of picking up a gilt edged bargain.
B.O - “ Come on, fucking hurry up and buy something, you twat, I haven’t got all day!”
The Would Be Investor gives a sniff and a bit of a shrug.
“ There’s not much here.” he says, looking round.
“ WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO INVEST IN A GOLDEN TOMORROW!!!” yells The B.O.
At this point, Mrs B.O appears with a coffee.
The B.O looks at her slightly irritably and says -
“Put my coffee down on the bench please, Bart, I’m just in the middle of important sale business.” he says.
Mrs. B.O looks at him, as though she is having rather murderous thoughts and leaves.
The B.O. turns back to The Would Be Investor In A Golden Age
“ So come on then, haven’t you fucking bought anything yet!!” he yells.
The Would Be Investor in A Golden Age surveys the contents of the sale -
Packet of Peanuts ( slightly used) -£2million
Cat ( bit dead) - £24 million
10 rivets - £500k each or all 10 for £6 million
Garden shed ( recently refurbed with with new bracket) £200 million
The man gives a sigh and turns to walk away with his dog.
“ Sorry, mate, it’s a load of old crap.”
The B.O looks at his departing figure in amazement.
“ WHAT IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH EVERYONE!!????” he screams.
Let’s leave the B.O having a little dance of rage ( nice moves
He’s still here.
Oh fuck...