Dear CL friends,
A dear friend of mine recently took his own life at the young age of 51.
Mind at Bexley have a justgiving page in his memory and to raise awareness.
I really want to stress, if anyone has any similar issues please don't be afraid to speak to someone and talk about your problems - problem shared is problem halved.
Thanks.
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Comments
Conversations about feelings and depression are difficult to have, particularly if you don't have people close to you to listen.
I often don't want to talk when I'm like that, I think because I almost don't want to make a big deal of it.
When my son was born, I had a couple off weeks off work and so would drive my daughter to nursery. I'd drop her off, then sit in the car and cry for 15 minutes before coming home. I don't know why. I didn't tell anyone about it. I just hoped and expected I'd get over it and go back to normal.
But that's the thing about mental health - there's often something just round the corner.
Sorry again for you loss, and sorry if this is an unhelpful post on the topic.
Thoughts with you and your circle, iamdan.
Sometimes it's only with hindsight you can see what was going on, but I think we're all prone to hit snags and not understand what's happening at the time.
Talking is so important in matters relating to mental health. Hugely important to just get things off your chest to a healthcare professional and get the wheels to recovery in motion.
Don't suffer in silence
A couple of years ago, we had 3 blokes that we knew/knew of (one was a friend of a friend who I had only briefly met), completely unrelated, commit suicide in the space of about 6 months, all for different reasons and all around the 50 year old mark.
As iamdan says in the original post, talk to someone, even if it's the bloke off the forum, or down the pub.
When I had my breakdown around this time 10 years ago...new job, 6 month old baby, new house and planning a wedding, it felt like my world was tumbling around me... yet no-one understood, not even my GP. I was pretty much told to snap myself out of it by my GP.
I've posted about it before so wont go into full essay-mode here but I recovered eventually. It took my years to regain my confidence and I can honestly say that splitting up with my ex-wife enabled me to get my life back on track properly. Looking back, she mentally destroyed me and my life has improved exponentially since, I've remarried and I can honestly say I'm the happiest I have ever been in my 40 years.
You know who your friends are and you learn who really gives a sh*t about you and who doesn't. My brother who suffers from Bipolar had found that out the hard way, being blatantly blanked in public and shut out by his old so-called friends. I dont think the stigma attached to mental illness will ever truly go away. Sadly, depression notably runs through my family on both sides.
Don't be afraid to talk. It doesn't help yourself or your family to keep things bottled up inside. Don't be afraid to cry, either.
@Powell Is Pleasant I can relate to that story of yours. I posted similar here a while ago on one of the other threads about mental health.
Great post's @JohnBoyUK & @Powell Is Pleasant
http://forum.charltonlife.com/discussion/comment/1777121#Comment_1777121
Touch wood, everything seems to be clicking for my brother now. He met someone and now lives with her in Liverpool and they're getting married next year. He's still holding down a programming job in IT although he say its physically draining. He's also been diagnose with Sleep Apnea, which explains why he has spent the last 10 years being more tired than knackered. His sleeping pattern has improved and he feels better each day now. Long may it continue.
It is difficult for some to comprehend how both of these men reached that point and how, in both cases, with such a lovely wife and children, a person could do that to them. But life really isn't that simple and people aren't logical when anxiety takes over. Both these men were clearly loved by so many how and there would, no doubt, have been times when they would, indeed, have recognised that. Tragically, it is at one's lowest point that all the love in the world means so little - that person feels so desperately alone can lead to the conclusion that the world would be a better place without them. And those left behind just wish that they knew about those individual's challenges and could have done more.
Some people do understand about the impact of mental health. Sadly a lot still don't but, hopefully, with more and more awareness of the issue they will begin to do so.
@iamdan I am really sorry for your, his other friends and his family's loss. Might it be an idea to share the link for the specific Justgiving page in your opening post to make it easier for those who do wish to support the cause?
It's good advice, to talk to people - for one thing, it's cathartic just thinking through it enough to put it into words. It's often easier said than done though. I'm married, but I know it would make my wife worry too much if I told her I has suicidal thoughts from time to time (and writing that down, I realise how stupid that is!)
I don't really have any friends to tell. There are people I know and people I see; but I don't think I really have any friends. I feel stupid writing this as well.
@JohnBoyUK thanks, I'll give that thread a read.
My life was saved by a wonderful women, a therapist I had never met before, who did not know me from Adam, but after only 13 sessions, had pulled me back from a very very dark place. I will never be cured but I have methods with which to fight, thanks to Shelagh at Elmsleigh,
PLEASE, IF ANYONE IS FEELING WHAT I AND OTHERS FEEL, AT ANY TIME, TALK!
RIP .......Your Pal x
RIP...... MY Dad x
Kent and Medway - http://www.liveitwell.org.uk/support-help/nhs-counselling-therapy-kent-medway/
Also
https://www.kmpt.nhs.uk/information-and-advice/pcpts
Greenwich
http://oxleas.nhs.uk/gps-referrers/gp-working-age-adults-mental-h/greenwich-time-talk-iapt2/
Lewisham, Croydon, Southwark or Lambeth
https://slam-iapt.nhs.uk
Bexley
http://mindinbexley.org.uk/iapt/
Bromley
http://bromleyworkingforwellbeing.org.uk/contact-us/
For a non NHS service I think these are useful:
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk
And for the general well being stuff;
http://www.liveitwell.org.uk/ways-to-wellbeing/
I had a friend do the same on Christmas Eve last year.
He was one of a group so whilst we weren't really close I had known him for 10 years or so and was always delighted when he was out as he was the life and sole of the party and no one would ever have suspected he was unhappy. I saw him only a week or so before it happened and he seemed his usual self.
The stories at his funeral were heart wrenching from his closest friends, such a really great bunch of people who owed him a lot in many ways and would have all driven the length of the country to have spoken to him had he phoned, even on Christmas Eve. It was just an absolute waste of a very talented fella.
Shocking tragedy - he had a history of depression...
A problem shared is very often a weight off the shoulders. A firm hug from someone hat loves you can really let you know life isn't that bad.
The problem comes when those feelings become overpowering... That is when professional help must be available and must be approachable.