Just chatting to my missus about the London Eye and she said she was supposed to go on it for a work thing once Christmas but didnt want to bother going but felt bad as they had bought all the staff tickets. She said she told her bosses that she couldnt make it because she had "lost the key to her wardrobe" (which she locked to stop her sister nicking them) and therefore had nothing to wear.
I said that it was probably the worst most unbelievable excuse I have ever heard. Anyone else had or dished out any such unbelievable yarns to get out of stuff?
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Nobody in their right mind would seriously choose Charlton above anything at the moment.
I am not in my right mind!
So after school we went to live in the local woods. It was all going great, till about 6o'clock when it started to get dark and Larry needed a dump. We realised we had not stolen an important piece of kit - toilet paper. So I suggested he use leaves.
10 minutes later, as he emerged slowly from behind a tree, Larry's face suggested it had not gone too well with the leaves. It was decided quite quickly after that, that we would go home.
But what to say?
I decided to adapt an idea I had read in Shadow The Sheep Dog by Enid Blyton, which involved a group of older boys marching us off as we walked home and making us say our 7 times tables, and not letting us go till we got them right. That sounded plausible enough in the woods to me and a rather agitated looking Larry.
I must have had the potential of a budding Olivier, because after getting a huge wallop from my gran on my return, I began to spin this ridiculous yarn which my dear mum, bless her, believed all her life. I feel terrible about that. And she's in a home with dementia now, so no point really bringing it up now anyway
The police interviewed us, as did the Headmaster, and I was never convinced they fully believed it, especially the times table bit.
We caused the people that cared about us so much panic that evening, we were a pair of little shits.
And in Larry's case, not just figuratively.
Still laugh at it
We drifted apart and havent seen him for over 10-years now but still laugh about it on my side of the family
*I have no idea what Sukot actually is or when it occurs
**I'm an atheist and have been a non-observant Jew most of my life
From then on his Grandfather seemed to have monthly birthday parties: "Sorry for being late, my Grandfather was over for his birthday."... Every time. That poor git must've aged quicker than a dog.
I think it's 8 years since we've spoken properly now, and to be entirely fair, he ended up veryyyy weird. A bit of a Walter Mitty, and there's a bit of ill feeling over how self absorbed the utter wanker became. Did some unforgivable things by being a bit self absorbed, and a complete liability. That's a whole darker thread though.
Fair play for picking an excuse that you don't really want to question though...
(Once used when he was at my ex wife's and I had just got on it a bit too much the night before)
Believable because I have also had to do this for real, thank goodness the lad is ok.
One of my earliest memories.
My mother made the mistake of telling me she was taking me to get my haircut. So while she went to the toilet before we were about to leave, I legged it. Went to a friends house the otherside of town.
May have been younger then 7, in fact I might have only been 3. Not sure to be honest.
In terms of excuse, I think I was pretty direct.
"You was taking too long on the toilet, I was at the front door ready to go and it got on my nerves".
I only remember getting hysterically panic shouted at upon my return.
I think the police were called briefly, to be safe due to worry.
Thinking about it, I knew what I was doing, and that's why I was a major little shit.
Sorry mum.
But I did learn something from it ( and not just my 7 times table)
As a kid, about 10 or 11, had an argument at home. Thought I'd show them all by running away. Was gone a few hours, changed my mind (it probably looked like it was going to rain) and went back. No one had even noticed I was gone!
That's what you get when you have 3 older siblings who have basically done it all already.
"I'll look into it"