You lost me when you wrote you basically had an opinion on how to bring your 8 month old baby up. Trust me, you haven't. You, your wife and even your mother in law are still learning how to do it and the best way depends on your daughter, what she's like, what she wants, what she needs. If you've made your mind up already, do yourself a favour, write it down on a piece of paper and burn it.
Work sounds like the big strress so good luck with the interview.
sounds also like a bit of regular exercise and fresh air wouldn't go amiss. Walking clears the head so try and do a bit of that. You've got a baby and a pushchair so get them both out of the house. Take the mrs with you. I don't know your or you good lady but if it's only been 8 months since the baby was born I suspect there's a good chance she'd appreciate the toning effect regular walking and pushing a pushchair with a weight that's increasing every day can have on her figure.
And, letting off steam in a constructive way helps. If you haven't got a season ticket for the Valley already get yourself one. It's not expensive in the covered end lower north and it's far cheaper than a divorce lawyer.
on a more serious note (in comparison to MY original comment) you have put IN-LAWS but only mentioned the mother in law.
is the father in law about?
He's fantastic... We get on really well. Apparently this is a contention point also as I get on so well with him I have to like the MIL too. Which is difficult as they're polar opposites and she treats him like poo... Fortunately for him they're separated.
on a more serious note (in comparison to MY original comment) you have put IN-LAWS but only mentioned the mother in law.
is the father in law about?
He's fantastic... We get on really well. Apparently this is a contention point also as I get on so well with him I have to like the MIL too. Which is difficult as they're polar opposites and she treats him like poo... Fortunately for him they're separated.
sounds like she is a bitter old lady on a bit of a man hate (IMHO and I really mean no offence to you or the family)
my advice from here would be to humour her, let the mrs know you are trying for her and the babys sake and I'm sure she will pick that up and in return pick up on the MIL acting up.
on a side note, if you feel that you would be as down as you are without the MIL business then find some form of release/speak to someone as it'll get worse.
Divide a bit of paper in half. On one side the ways you see your MIL being unreasonable and on the other, yourself. The fact of merely listing them may resolve some in your head.
@Dazzler21 kick her in the .... well, someone had to bloody say it
Anyway, got some sympathy for you fella. I had my MIL temporarily move in with us in January when my FIL was taken ill and was in and out of hospital. He passed away in May and as she couldn't bare to go home to an empty house, she's been with us ever since. That has taken some adjustment and some patience on my part but we get on very well. Its awkward when the Mrs & I have the occasional raised words but it is what it is. It has been super stressful given we've been living in a building site for the last 6-7 months but we're almost done now and we wont all just be in the living room every night. Having to watch Love Island with her was totes cringe (FFS, I'm talking like my wife now!) I'm bloody glad I invested in my man cave a few years ago!
The thing I've found hard is that she want's to do everything for me. I come in from work and she's already making me a cup of tea before I can say hello. She wants to cook dinner. She wants to do my ironing. A lot of you will be thinking that brilliant but trust me, when you're as independent as I am having lived on my own for a long while, its bloody annoying and I feel like a child again. The wife and I have spoken about it but its not getting any better. Then both her and my wife just don't have the tidyness gene in them. I spend my life tidying up after them. I've lost count of the times I've come in to find the patio doors all unlocked with no-one at home. Because of them two, I end up walking round the house checking and double-checking every window and door before I leave. Aaaaaarrrrghhhhhh! I keep telling myself to have patience.
Counselling may help but I'd take her a bunch of flowers (as mentioned above) and I'd just talk to her, try to draw a line underneath what has happened in the past and make a fresh start, no matter what you feel she's done wrong, tell the MIL how you feel and go from there. The first 12 months after a baby comes along is bloody exhausting for all concerned. If I go back almost 11 years to my daughter's 1st birthday, I know I was all over the shop. Oh and concentrate on your running. Get out the house when you can and take out your anger/energy that way. You'll feel better for it.
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
What if the other posters (who claim she may fancy him) are true though?
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
What if the other posters (who claim she may fancy him) are true though?
what do you want a fucking diagram? he goes to town on her!
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
What if the other posters (who claim she may fancy him) are true though?
what do you want a fucking diagram? he goes to town on her!
Bit awkward if the missus walks in though... Remember he cant lock the door from the inside now
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
What if the other posters (who claim she may fancy him) are true though?
what do you want a fucking diagram? he goes to town on her!
Bit awkward if the missus walks in though... Remember he cant lock the door from the inside now
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
Dazzler's next thread, 'Sex Offender Register Issues'.
Just had people at work look at me cracking up with the last few comments on this thread...
Seriously Dazzler, some good suggestions here, particularly the exercise part if you're stressed or down. My other half's parents separated so I effectively have 2 MILs but they're all so hands off and rarely visit so it's not been an issue. What was important was that we were on the same page about how to bring the kids up and it's your wife you need to agree this with, then present a united front to the MIL. Remember - you can always get a different job, but the relationship you have with the Mrs and your daughter will go on for the rest of your lives and needs to be worked at like it is the most important thing in your lives.
Regarding exercise at the moment I think that's part of the stress as I am training for a Marathon so I am not getting much family time... Roll on 26th November so I can go back to shorter runs and more family time!
Listen mate there's no one like your own mum, Mother in laws have always been the brunt of comedians jokes but many are lovely others will never accept you as good enough for their daughter.
You didn't marry / settle down with your MIL it was your love for her daughter, it's an 'occupational' hazard deal with it as delicately as you can especially as you don't want to upset or cause a rift with your wife / partner. Try not to let her wind you up, think twice before responding to her barbs and best of luck. Sometimes in life you just have to suck it up, you know it makes sense .
Have it out with her, seriously mate it will happen one way or another. Me and my mum get on fine, me and my mother in law get on ok but that's only because of a real, genuine barney we had. I'd possibly be described as a strong character of I was psychologically assessed and she is very passive non-aggressive, however she can be a humongous cunt when she really sets her mind to it. Since we had this barney we actually get on like a house on fire.
Roll the dice, have the chat, make it clear you won't bear any grudges afterwards and see what happens from then on in
IMO - you are letting the work issue and the stress of a new baby affect your daily actions.
Try to "park" the work issue in your mind by mentally joining it to the memory of a super Clive goal somewhere or a Deano save at Highbury. Get this memory to trigger every time you sense your mind spiraling towards negativity. A bit like the old Reggie Perrin hippo flashback.
Accentuate the positive; You have a smashing new addition to the family. You have a relative that wants to help with all the baby stuff (that's priceless) You have an interview coming up, and maybe more interviews for even better jobs. The Mrs thinks enough of you to raise the problem and seek a resolution with you. Charlton just beat Fleetwood 3-1 after they ended Bradford's decent home record with a 3-0 win.
Have it out with her, seriously mate it will happen one way or another. Me and my mum get on fine, me and my mother in law get on ok but that's only because of a real, genuine barney we had. I'd possibly be described as a strong character of I was psychologically assessed and she is very passive non-aggressive, however she can be a humongous cunt when she really sets her mind to it. Since we had this barney we actually get on like a house on fire.
Roll the dice, have the chat, make it clear you won't bear any grudges afterwards and see what happens from then on in
Fix the lock on the bathroom door so it can be opened from the outside. Wait until she's in the shower, get yourself a lob on and go in. Once in just stand there and stare at her.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
What if the other posters (who claim she may fancy him) are true though?
what do you want a fucking diagram? he goes to town on her!
Bit awkward if the missus walks in though... Remember he cant lock the door from the inside now
Some of you have never been on Xhamster. It's a site where a wife catches her husband getting his tummy blown up by the mother in law. ( So my friends told me )
I understand your problem completely. It is why we have pubs.
Let mother in law have full range including poo duties, milk warming and getting up in the night while you get some well deserved sleep as you have to go to work.
Suggest a hot meal when you get in would be nice and point out that you and your wife like to have a quiet dinner together and pehaps she could look after baby during this period?
Any suggestion for upbringing should be greeted with firm agreement and followed by the comment "I'll let you get on with it then".
Leave to simmer. Mother in law will soon be fed up. Darling wife will be recovering/recovered nicely and will be wanting to take control and move mother out.
Leave to cool and then have sensible conversation.
Congratulations and good luck.
Always remember, no child walks to school with a dummy in its mouth and wearing nappies. It all works out in the end if you care, so don't be stressed and do what you and your wife think best and sod the advice.
Comments
You lost me when you wrote you basically had an opinion on how to bring your 8 month old baby up. Trust me, you haven't. You, your wife and even your mother in law are still learning how to do it and the best way depends on your daughter, what she's like, what she wants, what she needs. If you've made your mind up already, do yourself a favour, write it down on a piece of paper and burn it.
Work sounds like the big strress so good luck with the interview.
sounds also like a bit of regular exercise and fresh air wouldn't go amiss. Walking clears the head so try and do a bit of that. You've got a baby and a pushchair so get them both out of the house. Take the mrs with you. I don't know your or you good lady but if it's only been 8 months since the baby was born I suspect there's a good chance she'd appreciate the toning effect regular walking and pushing a pushchair with a weight that's increasing every day can have on her figure.
And, letting off steam in a constructive way helps. If you haven't got a season ticket for the Valley already get yourself one. It's not expensive in the covered end lower north and it's far cheaper than a divorce lawyer.
is the father in law about?
my advice from here would be to humour her, let the mrs know you are trying for her and the babys sake and I'm sure she will pick that up and in return pick up on the MIL acting up.
on a side note, if you feel that you would be as down as you are without the MIL business then find some form of release/speak to someone as it'll get worse.
Can you not give her a month's notice that you intend to dispense with her services as a MIL?
Or, be an adult about it. Every time you know she's coming round, hide in one of the bedroom wardrobes (with your daughter) until she's gone.
Anyway, got some sympathy for you fella. I had my MIL temporarily move in with us in January when my FIL was taken ill and was in and out of hospital. He passed away in May and as she couldn't bare to go home to an empty house, she's been with us ever since. That has taken some adjustment and some patience on my part but we get on very well. Its awkward when the Mrs & I have the occasional raised words but it is what it is. It has been super stressful given we've been living in a building site for the last 6-7 months but we're almost done now and we wont all just be in the living room every night. Having to watch Love Island with her was totes cringe (FFS, I'm talking like my wife now!) I'm bloody glad I invested in my man cave a few years ago!
The thing I've found hard is that she want's to do everything for me. I come in from work and she's already making me a cup of tea before I can say hello. She wants to cook dinner. She wants to do my ironing. A lot of you will be thinking that brilliant but trust me, when you're as independent as I am having lived on my own for a long while, its bloody annoying and I feel like a child again. The wife and I have spoken about it but its not getting any better. Then both her and my wife just don't have the tidyness gene in them. I spend my life tidying up after them. I've lost count of the times I've come in to find the patio doors all unlocked with no-one at home. Because of them two, I end up walking round the house checking and double-checking every window and door before I leave. Aaaaaarrrrghhhhhh! I keep telling myself to have patience.
Counselling may help but I'd take her a bunch of flowers (as mentioned above) and I'd just talk to her, try to draw a line underneath what has happened in the past and make a fresh start, no matter what you feel she's done wrong, tell the MIL how you feel and go from there. The first 12 months after a baby comes along is bloody exhausting for all concerned. If I go back almost 11 years to my daughter's 1st birthday, I know I was all over the shop. Oh and concentrate on your running. Get out the house when you can and take out your anger/energy that way. You'll feel better for it.
She'll soon leave you alone mate.
Seriously Dazzler, some good suggestions here, particularly the exercise part if you're stressed or down.
My other half's parents separated so I effectively have 2 MILs but they're all so hands off and rarely visit so it's not been an issue. What was important was that we were on the same page about how to bring the kids up and it's your wife you need to agree this with, then present a united front to the MIL.
Remember - you can always get a different job, but the relationship you have with the Mrs and your daughter will go on for the rest of your lives and needs to be worked at like it is the most important thing in your lives.
Listen mate there's no one like your own mum, Mother in laws have always been the brunt of comedians jokes but many are lovely others will never accept you as good enough for their daughter.
You didn't marry / settle down with your MIL it was your love for her daughter, it's an 'occupational' hazard deal with it as delicately as you can especially as you don't want to upset or cause a rift with your wife / partner. Try not to let her wind you up, think twice before responding to her barbs and best of luck. Sometimes in life you just have to suck it up, you know it makes sense
My mother-in-law lives six thousand miles away and does not speak English. Doubley fantastic that I don't speak Portuguese!
Roll the dice, have the chat, make it clear you won't bear any grudges afterwards and see what happens from then on in
Try to "park" the work issue in your mind by mentally joining it to the memory of a super Clive goal somewhere or a Deano save at Highbury. Get this memory to trigger every time you sense your mind spiraling towards negativity. A bit like the old Reggie Perrin hippo flashback.
Accentuate the positive;
You have a smashing new addition to the family.
You have a relative that wants to help with all the baby stuff (that's priceless)
You have an interview coming up, and maybe more interviews for even better jobs.
The Mrs thinks enough of you to raise the problem and seek a resolution with you.
Charlton just beat Fleetwood 3-1 after they ended Bradford's decent home record with a 3-0 win.
Good Luck.
Let mother in law have full range including poo duties, milk warming and getting up in the night while you get some well deserved sleep as you have to go to work.
Suggest a hot meal when you get in would be nice and point out that you and your wife like to have a quiet dinner together and pehaps she could look after baby during this period?
Any suggestion for upbringing should be greeted with firm agreement and followed by the comment "I'll let you get on with it then".
Leave to simmer. Mother in law will soon be fed up. Darling wife will be recovering/recovered nicely and will be wanting to take control and move mother out.
Leave to cool and then have sensible conversation.
Congratulations and good luck.
Always remember, no child walks to school with a dummy in its mouth and wearing nappies. It all works out in the end if you care, so don't be stressed and do what you and your wife think best and sod the advice.