Daily episodes of social awkwardness

RodneyCharltonTrotta

On the train and just looked up from my phone and caught a bloke across the aisle innocently staring at me. There's that second of intense awkwardness as he has probably only been looking in my direction for moments but I've caught him and now he assumes I assume he's been gawping at me for minutes before shuffling uncomfortably in our seats and looking away. He's suitably embarrassed and I feel temporarily creeped out before we both look away. Nobody wins in this scenario.

Bit like the peepee/ peeper curtain twitcher scenario Mickey Flanagan recounts in one of his acts a few years back.

I'm often on the other end of this cringe-inducing scenario whichis far worse...usually will be staring blankly at the window and you'll go through a dark tunnel and see the reflection of the person in next row of seats in front of you facing you and you catch their eye...it is always an attractive woman who immediately assumes (wrongly but understandably) that you have been staring at them for ages leading to real awkwardness when in fact it was only a cursory glance and you're actually not even looking at them at all and so to prove this over compensate by maintaining your stare into the window for a good few seconds (which feels like hours) until you have proved your innocence.

Another example of this being getting on the train with phone on loud settings and inadvertently hitting the camera button as you open your phone so it makes the blaring camera sound leaving fellow passengers assuming there is a voyeur in their midst. You then overcompensate in an unwritten code by holding your phone down to show all that it was an innocent mistake and the blurred picture of your rucksack and the train floor was not an attempt to snap fellow commuter's legs for later viewing.

Any other things like this happen to anyone else or do I just over think this stuff?

man_at_milletts

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

Greenie

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

Most blokes choose the floor

Fiiish

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

Anyone who chooses the middle is clearly some sort of pervert and the appropriate authorities ought to be informed.

Six-a-bag-of-nuts

RodneyCharltonTrotta said:

On the train and just looked up from my phone and caught a bloke across the aisle innocently staring at me. There's that second of intense awkwardness as he has probably only been looking in my direction for moments but I've caught him and now he assumes I assume he's been gawping at me for minutes before shuffling uncomfortably in our seats and looking away. He's suitably embarrassed and I feel temporarily creeped out before we both look away. Nobody wins in this scenario.

Bit like the peepee/ peeper curtain twitcher scenario Mickey Flanagan recounts in one of his acts a few years back.

I'm often on the other end of this cringe-inducing scenario whichis far worse...usually will be staring blankly at the window and you'll go through a dark tunnel and see the reflection of the person in next row of seats in front of you facing you and you catch their eye...it is always an attractive woman who immediately assumes (wrongly but understandably) that you have been staring at them for ages leading to real awkwardness when in fact it was only a cursory glance and you're actually not even looking at them at all and so to prove this over compensate by maintaining your stare into the window for a good few seconds (which feels like hours) until you have proved your innocence.

Another example of this being getting on the train with phone on loud settings and inadvertently hitting the camera button as you open your phone so it makes the blaring camera sound leaving fellow passengers assuming there is a voyeur in their midst. You then overcompensate in an unwritten code by holding your phone down to show all that it was an innocent mistake and the blurred picture of your rucksack and the train floor was not an attempt to snap fellow commuter's legs for later viewing.

Any other things like this happen to anyone else or do I just over think this stuff?

I think you might be in denial Rodders

ricky_otto

Greenie said:

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

Most blokes choose the floor

@DaveMehmet doesn’t even make it that far.

cafcdave123

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

At my work the protocol seems to be to go into one of the cubicles and piss everywhere , seat, floor, toilet roll the lot

SheffieldRed

cafcdave123 said:

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

At my work the protocol seems to be to go into one of the cubicles and piss everywhere , seat, floor, toilet roll the lot

Do you work at The Den

Addickted

The stresses of modern life eh?

McBobbin

Or when the two side urinals are taken, you go in the middle, both leave and someone comes in and assumes you picked the middle from an empty set

AFKABartram

Walking school runs are absolute horror shows for seeing the same people (who you don't know) at the same point every day.

Once you've breached 'ignore' up to 'smile' and then 'hello' you have to force yourself to stop there. Because if you surpass it with conversation then you pretty much have to think of a variation one-liner on a daily basis

Addickted

AFKABartram said:

Walking school runs are absolute horror shows for seeing the same people (who you don't know) at the same point every day.

Once you've breached 'ignore' up to 'smile' and then 'hello' you have to force yourself to stop there. Because if you surpass it with conversation then you pretty much have to think of a variation one-liner on a daily basis

I find that after about a week "I suppose a shag is out of the question?" goes down really well.

man_at_milletts

cafcdave123 said:

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

At my work the protocol seems to be to go into one of the cubicles and piss everywhere , seat, floor, toilet roll the lot

The go to pub and eat the peanuts on the bar?

DaveMehmet

AFKABartram said:

Walking school runs are absolute horror shows for seeing the same people (who you don't know) at the same point every day.

Once you've breached 'ignore' up to 'smile' and then 'hello' you have to force yourself to stop there. Because if you surpass it with conversation then you pretty much have to think of a variation one-liner on a daily basis

My wife was the deputy at my daughters last school so rarely did the school run. When I did do it however, the amount of parents who I didn’t know who they or their kids were who would strike up a conversation was embarrassing. Always made a beeline for someone I knew whilst waiting for the gates to open.

Fiiish

McBobbin said:

Or when the two side urinals are taken, you go in the middle, both leave and someone comes in and assumes you picked the middle from an empty set

The middle one is only there to act as a buffer. Don't be tempted to 'align the planets' if you find yourself in this situation.

Croydon

RodneyCharltonTrotta said:

On the train and just looked up from my phone and caught a bloke across the aisle innocently staring at me. There's that second of intense awkwardness as he has probably only been looking in my direction for moments but I've caught him and now he assumes I assume he's been gawping at me for minutes before shuffling uncomfortably in our seats and looking away. He's suitably embarrassed and I feel temporarily creeped out before we both look away. Nobody wins in this scenario.

Bit like the peepee/ peeper curtain twitcher scenario Mickey Flanagan recounts in one of his acts a few years back.

I'm often on the other end of this cringe-inducing scenario whichis far worse...usually will be staring blankly at the window and you'll go through a dark tunnel and see the reflection of the person in next row of seats in front of you facing you and you catch their eye...it is always an attractive woman who immediately assumes (wrongly but understandably) that you have been staring at them for ages leading to real awkwardness when in fact it was only a cursory glance and you're actually not even looking at them at all and so to prove this over compensate by maintaining your stare into the window for a good few seconds (which feels like hours) until you have proved your innocence.

Another example of this being getting on the train with phone on loud settings and inadvertently hitting the camera button as you open your phone so it makes the blaring camera sound leaving fellow passengers assuming there is a voyeur in their midst. You then overcompensate in an unwritten code by holding your phone down to show all that it was an innocent mistake and the blurred picture of your rucksack and the train floor was not an attempt to snap fellow commuter's legs for later viewing.

Any other things like this happen to anyone else or do I just over think this stuff?

Literally just had this on the tube. She went straight to her phone to no doubt message her pals about 'some creep on the central line'

i_b_b_o_r_g

RodneyCharltonTrotta said:

On the train and just looked up from my phone and caught a bloke across the aisle innocently staring at me. There's that second of intense awkwardness as he has probably only been looking in my direction for moments but I've caught him and now he assumes I assume he's been gawping at me for minutes before shuffling uncomfortably in our seats and looking away. He's suitably embarrassed and I feel temporarily creeped out before we both look away. Nobody wins in this scenario.

Nothing awkward about it mate, he's the backbone of the country, on his way to graft on a freezing cold building site and he's watching you, in your £300 brogues and blue pin striped, red lined tailor made whistle, sitting in his fuckin seat, while he's standing by the doors!

; )

Friend Or Defoe

Always keep your phone on mute on the train, especially for the hilarious sex noise videos and for the occasional WTF moments?

I mean what the hell are those shoes (taken this morning) ? A mate once got a photo of a man with a rat on his shoulder on the northern line.

RodneyCharltonTrotta

i_b_b_o_r_g said:

RodneyCharltonTrotta said:

On the train and just looked up from my phone and caught a bloke across the aisle innocently staring at me. There's that second of intense awkwardness as he has probably only been looking in my direction for moments but I've caught him and now he assumes I assume he's been gawping at me for minutes before shuffling uncomfortably in our seats and looking away. He's suitably embarrassed and I feel temporarily creeped out before we both look away. Nobody wins in this scenario.

Nothing awkward about it mate, he's the backbone of the country, on his way to graft on a freezing cold building site and he's watching you, in your £300 brogues and blue pin striped, red lined tailor made whistle, sitting in his fuck seat, while he's standing by the doors!

; )

Ha ha! :-)

McBobbin

More urinal stories... Just had a three hour meeting so was cramped up and needed a pee. Stood at the urinal my boss stood next to me and said hello. I froze. Just stood there awkwardly holding the little fella. I can't do this I thought, I need to push. Let loose three hours of held on farts. Still couldn't pee. Zipped up washed my hands and left. A word was never spoken.

i_b_b_o_r_g

The age old, seeing someone you kind of know in the supermarket as soon as you arrive, then bumping into them on every aisle on the way round. If we see our post lady's car parked in the car park, we come out and go up the road. She's murder for the most awkward small talk on EVERY encounter you have during a visit, poor old Sylvia

i_b_b_o_r_g

What about the pissed up Doris in the New Cross Turnpike @cafcdave123 ? Made me feel so awkward, I ended up telling her to eff off

cafcpolo

Friend Or Defoe said:

Always keep your phone on mute on the train, especially for the hilarious sex noise videos and for the occasional WTF moments?

I mean what the hell are those shoes (taken this morning) ? A mate once got a photo of a man with a rat on his shoulder on the northern line.

I see your northern line shoes and raise you these district line pants. ..Pinky kept getting busted staring, can't think why...

golfaddick

i_b_b_o_r_g said:

The age old, seeing someone you kind of know in the supermarket as soon as you arrive, then bumping into them on every aisle on the way round. If we see our post lady's car parked in the car park, we come out and go up the road. She's murder for the most awkward small talk on EVERY encounter you have during a visit, poor old Sylvia

I had a similar experience the other week. Clocked an attractive women as I went into Sainsbury's & made eye contact - then spent the next 30 mins virtually bumping into her in every aisle. Had to go back a couple of aisles & delay my shopping just so she didn't think I was stalking her.

man_at_milletts

golfaddick said:

i_b_b_o_r_g said:

The age old, seeing someone you kind of know in the supermarket as soon as you arrive, then bumping into them on every aisle on the way round. If we see our post lady's car parked in the car park, we come out and go up the road. She's murder for the most awkward small talk on EVERY encounter you have during a visit, poor old Sylvia

I had a similar experience the other week. Clocked an attractive women as I went into Sainsbury's & made eye contact - then spent the next 30 mins virtually bumping into her in every aisle. Had to go back a couple of aisles & delay my shopping just so she didn't think I was stalking her.

Should have filled your trolley with Prosecco, Durex andl lube!!!

Brendan_O_Connell

Fiiish said:

man_at_milletts said:

You go into the bog for a pee and there are 3 urinals.

Which one do you choose? Left/right or middle? There must be a few stories about this.

Anyone who chooses the middle is clearly some sort of pervert and the appropriate authorities ought to be informed.

Thank You! What sort of twat chooses the middle either a) when there's no one in there or b) when one of the end ones is in use and the other two are free.

Friend Or Defoe

cafcpolo said:

Friend Or Defoe said:

Always keep your phone on mute on the train, especially for the hilarious sex noise videos and for the occasional WTF moments?

I mean what the hell are those shoes (taken this morning) ? A mate once got a photo of a man with a rat on his shoulder on the northern line.

I see your northern line shoes and raise you these district line pants. ..Pinky kept getting busted staring, can't think why...

Shoes were DLR rat was Northern line!

cafcdave123

i_b_b_o_r_g said:

What about the pissed up Doris in the New Cross Turnpike @cafcdave123 ? Made me feel so awkward, I ended up telling her to eff off

That's the turnpike for you mate, she was an absolute bellend though

man_at_milletts

Bumping into a known female neighbour in the supermarket, just as she's reaching for the Tena products.

What do you say?

DaveMehmet

man_at_milletts said:

Bumping into a known female neighbour in the supermarket, just as she's reaching for the Tena products.

What do you say?

Let me get that for you love. You don’t want to over-reach and piss yourself.

cafcdave123

man_at_milletts said:

Bumping into a known female neighbour in the supermarket, just as she's reaching for the Tena products.

What do you say?

Jump out on her, if she says anything just reply "alright, Don't piss your pants "