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It is (was) her favourite tree...

LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
edited March 2018 in Not Sports Related
But one of its branches was leaning on my favourite roof.
She said: 'this branch provides shelter to the honey birds'. I said: 'This roof has provided support for my tv aerial- the dispenser of countless hours of footballing joy from my beloved...'

Conclusion was amicable: 'Don't you dare !!!'
Followed by my manly assurance of : 'you won't notice a thing'.

...I chopped the wrong branch didn't I...
Half the fucking tree is down...
she's back in 4 hours.

Quick, I need a story !
Or an escape plan !!
Or last meal suggestions !!!

Should have gone to work...


Tv aerial is unharmed

Comments

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    AddicktedAddickted
    Should have chosen a decent dealer.
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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    edited March 2018
    Addickted said:

    Should have chosen a decent dealer.

    I get all my wives from the same dealer and I've had nothing but joy so far thank you very much.
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    cashncarrycashncarry
    What are honey birds?
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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    cashncarry said:

    What are honey birds?

    I'll ask for you soon if I still have a throat
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    KiwiValleyKiwiValley
    If honey birds is another name for honeypots you’ve really cocked up.
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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    KiwiValley said:

    If honey birds is another name for honeypots you’ve really cocked up.

    Lucky for me they're not. They are small local tits
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    SuedeAdidasSuedeAdidas
    Steady on mate. She’s already going to have the arse about the tree so I wouldn’t compound it by posting personal stuff about her.
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    BeardfaceBeardface
    image
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    GlassHalfFullGlassHalfFull

    Should have gone to SpecSavers ....
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    cafcdave123cafcdave123
    Quickly do loads of shit you enjoy but normally get pulled on, she'll be so bothered about the tree you'll get away with the rest
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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    I'll never understand why one has to get into such load of shit for dropping the wrong log
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    3blokes3blokes
    edited March 2018
    Lenny, man up mate. When she comes in you say to her So what? I cut the wrong bit of branch and the tree’s fucked. Put the kettle on love, and do me a bacon sarnie, I’m peckish after working on that bloody tree.
    No, forget that advice she’ll kill you.
    Either start sobbing and blaming the cat as soon as she walks through the door, or move to Siberia. She’s unlikely to come looking for you there :+1:

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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    Siberia is Benidorm compared with what I'm getting...
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    3blokes3blokes
    Say you called in a tree surgeon, but he really fucked up the tree, and when you refused to pay because it would really upset your partner, the surgeon started getting arsey, and he called her a name. You wouldn’t stand for that, so you hit him, and he left, (looking slightly afraid of you :smile: )
    Say you’re absolutely distraught for her, and that this should happen on your watch but perhaps the BEST way for you both to get over it and feel okay again is some wild sex in the bedroom. :smiley:
    It may not be great advice, but you have to admire the optimism eh :smile:
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    StigStig
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4X_bdJox8w
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    BeardfaceBeardface
    Tell her the branch that's gone was rotten and had to be cut down due to risk of it falling on someone, but as a result you've left the rest of the tree in tact to let it recover.
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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    I was mowing the lown as she arrived (great idea hey..?) She looked straight through me (i don't mind that..). I got confident and declared: 'Honey, I saved us the bond !' She turned, gave me a Putin look, uttering : 'no bond is gonna save you'...

    (Tv reception's great)
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    cafcfancafcfan
    I'm confused. Is "her" in this instance a neighbour or SWMBO?
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    LennyLowrentLennyLowrent
    Does it matter who you're not gonna get any from for the forceable..?
    It reminds me, I'm representing Tonga in not playing ping pong
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    LenGloverLenGlover
    Look on the bright side and remember what happened to Rod Hull when he tried fixing his TV aerial problem....
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