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Choosing a School - advice required

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  • Both my kids have chosen their secondary schools in consultation with us. My son was most recent, and I remember asking on here for some advice. He visited the school he's now at 4 times and in the end was certain about it. We talked it over and he was able to say why - "every time he'd visited the children looked happy". It may be that your daughter has picked up on something like that and just can't put it into words. He's enjoying most of it - now in year 8 - but also understands that there are things he doesn't like but that would be true at any school (in his case maths). There's an element of luck in any of these, but the kids have to spend time there, not the parents, and need to know that the parents are supportive and have got their best interests at heart. Loads of us had a miserable time at school at least some of the time - it's a big change from primary. Every advantage your daughter gets in terms of feeling good about the change will count for a lot.
  • I got a scholarship to go to Colfe's when I was a kid.......I didn't want to go and dug my heels in as I wanted to go to Eltham Green...where all my mates were going.

    My mum let me have my way.

    Although I did well enough at school I cant help wondering sometimes if I/She made the correct choice?!?
  • Come sons of Colfe……...
  • edited October 2018
    It is only a problem if one school is miles better than the other. We had a similar situation and went for the school my son wanted to go to - he is doing his A levels now but has done really well there so far.
  • Addickted said:

    Are both schools single sex @Swisdom ?

    Pretty sure I know which two you are talking about and my step daughter is at her last year at one of them if you want to PM me.

    Yes both single sex. MGGS and Maidstone Invicta are the schools.

    Really appreciate the advice given on here gents. @oohaahmortimer advice has really resonated. We've told my daughter that in some way it is down to chance so we will respect her wishes, put her choice down as first choice and leave it in the lap of the gods to an extent.
  • Invicta is where my Step daughter goes.

    Less academic than MGGS, but I feel helps the girls be more rounded individuals. Some fantastic opportunities there, that's for sure. Highly recommend.
  • Addickted said:

    Invicta is where my Step daughter goes.

    Less academic than MGGS, but I feel helps the girls be more rounded individuals. Some fantastic opportunities there, that's for sure. Highly recommend.

    We prefer Invicta - daughter prefers MGGS

    The results seem to put Invicta as slightly higher achieving now but hardly anything in it.

  • Macronate said:

    This may be controversial but if you can't decide, don't send your daughter to school at all.

    Schooling does nothing to prepare our kids for the outside world anyway and you may as well put her to work now (coal mine, shoe shine girl etc.) so that she can start earning her keep.

    Controversial is one word.
    Ridiculous is another.
  • See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.
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  • Good that you seem to have two really good choices - parents definitely know best (based on my school experience) but if there's not much between them let her decide, especially as it doesn't sound like it's a decision based soley on were her mates are going.

    I am dreading making primary school choices for my daughter in a couple of years, i can't imagine how stressful secondary choice must be.
  • I’m not looking forward to this myself I hasten to add

    When do you start?
    Which uniform do you feel happiest in?
  • I had a similar problem relating to my son. His mother wanted him to go to university in the UK. He wasn't so sure about that, but eventually agreed. We visited a number of different universities, and I, gently I thought, pushed him in one direction, but he was set on somewhere else.

    Both were good places, one was marginally better than the other. In the end he went to the place he preferred, and he ended up doing really well. He chose on the basis of the social life, I was looking at academics. He would probably have been bored out of his mind at the place I was keen on.

    In summary, be happy that your daughter has found a school she is really keen on. She might have hated both! :-)

  • seth plum said:

    See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.

    This.
    The school we chose was the only one in the area that would let you walk in ad-hoc. That impressed me.
    " We don't need to get our best silver out when parents walk around. We want you to see exactly how it is." As the excellent head put it.
  • edited October 2018

    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.
    Finally a criteria by which to judge a school. Forget OFSTED reports, available online.

  • seth plum said:

    See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Why? A new head could have arrived and weeded out the dross or a new head is dross and the good staff leave. Proves little.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    There is no relationship between a happy school and a slick website.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    On several grounds this should not be possible.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    Because the staff aren't busy enough.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.
    Finally a criteria by which to judge a school


    Staff turnover comparison can take into account a new head of not.
    I did not suggest a website is about happiness but being informative and up to date can tell you something.
    Absolutely check the toilets.
    If the staff are busy enough, then those schools that offer after school activities and trips out would also be having busy staff doing extra work for free. Visiting during a normal school day and being shown round by a non teaching head of deputy or senior teacher or willing teaching footsoldier means that at least the work gets done during the school day rather than having staff work on a Saturday morning 'open day' off to stay late in the evening.
    Yes the chewing gum is an excellent thing to notice. In terms of judgement it is probably a much better method than a headache pep talk.
  • We've clearly hit your second area of expertise.
  • Swisdom said:

    Addickted said:

    Invicta is where my Step daughter goes.

    Less academic than MGGS, but I feel helps the girls be more rounded individuals. Some fantastic opportunities there, that's for sure. Highly recommend.

    We prefer Invicta - daughter prefers MGGS

    The results seem to put Invicta as slightly higher achieving now but hardly anything in it.

    Invicta is a good school I have worked with them for a few years now giving advise on careers in care, the kids are always impeccably polite, attentive and well behaved
  • We've clearly hit your second area of expertise.

    The royal we?
  • One thing to consider is mixed /single sex. My boy is at an all boys school and academicly doing really well but socialy with girls he is hopeless. Worth a thought.
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  • I think it's disgusting that schools are still allowed to Genderizeify the pupils
  • One thing to consider is mixed /single sex. My boy is at an all boys school and academicly doing really well but socialy with girls he is hopeless. Worth a thought.

    I was the same. Still am.

    But that’s fine as it my daughter. She doesn’t need to speak to a male until she’s 21

  • seth plum said:

    See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.

    His daughter wants to be a pupil. She's not applying for a cleaner's job. :smile:
  • seth plum said:

    See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.

    His daughter wants to be a pupil. She's not applying for a cleaner's job. :smile:
    I get that, but would you like your home, carpets and toilet and all, to be like the one you see in the school?
  • Go with what your daughter wants mate

    My daughter passed her 11 plus so had the choice of Southend or Westcliff High which are both top no fee paying schools

    I preferred Westcliff and she preferred Southend but now she is settled and loving it

    Couldn’t think of anything worse than sending your kids to a school they aren’t comfortable with
  • Swisdom said:

    Addickted said:

    Invicta is where my Step daughter goes.

    Less academic than MGGS, but I feel helps the girls be more rounded individuals. Some fantastic opportunities there, that's for sure. Highly recommend.

    We prefer Invicta - daughter prefers MGGS

    The results seem to put Invicta as slightly higher achieving now but hardly anything in it.

    Would imagine both would be good results wise given the selective education system in Kent.

    Invicta been on dodgy ground with regard to pupils that don't meet their standards being pushed out (thus pushing results up).

    I had a look around Invicta when I was looking at getting into teaching - very good facilities. Not seen MGGS.

    Speaking to teachers/heads, who have worked with both schools, they have all said MGGS is a better school - less elitist and more supportive.
  • edited October 2018

    seth plum said:

    seth plum said:

    See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.

    His daughter wants to be a pupil. She's not applying for a cleaner's job. :smile:
    I get that, but would you like your home, carpets and toilet and all, to be like the one you see in the school?
    No, but there is little relevance ?
    I doubt there are few people in this world, that would help their child select their secondary school based on the state of the toilets and old chewing gum trod in carpets. Bizarre, even by your standards. Sorry.
    I think what Seths getting at is a sloppy standard of cleanliness will reflect an attitude throughout the school.
  • seth plum said:

    seth plum said:

    See if you can find a way to compare staff turnover at each school.
    Look carefully at school websites to see how up to date it is.
    Check the toilets at each school.
    Visit the school at a time to suit you not them if possible.
    If there are carpets, look how many chewing gum blobs are blackened and trodden in to them.

    His daughter wants to be a pupil. She's not applying for a cleaner's job. :smile:
    I get that, but would you like your home, carpets and toilet and all, to be like the one you see in the school?
    No, but there is little relevance ?
    I doubt there are few people in this world, that would help their child select their secondary school based on the state of the toilets and old chewing gum trod in carpets. Bizarre, even by your standards. Sorry.
    Not in the slightest bit bizarre. Sorry.
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