Great thread. Doesn't quite qualify, but in my second year at Uni, I was attempting to steal a temporary traffic light when a car pulled up alongside me. It was my sister driving three of her friends back from Christian Union. They were all looking at me with that shocked/disapproving look that you often see in films. She wound down her window. 'Matt. What are you doing?' 'Schhtealing this traffic light, but the bloody thing isshn't co-operating'. Window winds up. Drives on.
A candle stand from the Curry Garden in Blackheath Village. I thought I had got away with it, but years later went there with a large group of friends and the waiter said "I would be happy to seat you all, as soon as he has returned my candle stand", pointing directly at me. Ended up in the Sopna.
A bar stool from the Royal Standard, Blackheath. They were closing the public bar for a refit and the land lady said we could keep the furniture. That was 36 years ago and I still have the stool.
A bouncy castle, I don't think I've ever carried anything heavier
Thankfully it didn't get stored in my house so my mates wife had the dubious honour of waking up to see a deflated bouncy castle going from the hall through to the conservatory at the end of their kitchen
Reminds me of the Men Behaving Badly episode where Gary and Tony go to Worthing and wake after a heavy session to find a gigantic model fish that they had taken from the pier.
I was in Germany for the 1988 European Championships.
I came out of this 'club' after having had a few and took the wrong turning and could not find where my hotel was. As the weather was very nice after seeing this very well kept garden I decided to sleep there the night.
My alarm call was a rather large German copper, who fortunately was reasonably friendly. On telling him where I was staying he told me that he knew the dude and gave me a lift back to my hotel. He wanted to see my passport so my two mates got the shock of their life when a drunk, dishevelled midget came walking in with plod behind him.
On seeing my passport he bid me good day and I then went back to bed, I had the mother of all hangovers that day.
I ended up with the road sign of Collindale Avenue in my bedroom many years ago. No idea why I would want such a thing but it must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Apologies to anyone who might have got lost as a result!
Also had a Walls Ice Cream sign, the big metal one that stands up outside the shop.
Don't know where they went but I think my parents discretely disposed of the evidence.
2 cast iron baths Walking to the pub one night we noticed the local hotel was having a bathroom refit, and there was a stack of baths/toilets in the car park. Already the worse for wear we thought it would be amusing to take one of the toilets to the pub. Within 5 minutes of entering we had invented a new game of playing darts whilst sitting on the toilet, amazingly the landlord didn't seem to mind. On the way back from our local we were obviously even more drunk so we decided it would be funny to take one of the baths and leave it on our mates front lawn who wasn't with us that night. There was 4 of us and he lived about a mile way and this thing was heavy, most of the walk was on the grass verge of a dual carriageway so I am amazed we never got stopped. Anyway next night I didn't go out but I knew what would happen as I live on the route home for most of the boys from the pub. I stayed on guard until about 11.30pm (pubs in those days closed at 10.30 on a Sunday) and thought I must of got away with it. Went to bed and when I awoke in the morning there were 2 baths and a toilet on my front lawn !!
<img src="null" / This seven foot tall World Cup mascot. Woke up to find the same mascot in my friends bed after he carried it home. Had to order a taxi and tell them to deliver it back the next morning.
I can't remember bringing anything home in particular, but I do remember being brought home by. the police. I'd have been about 16 or 17 and went to a private party held at a school (not mine). I got so pissed that everyone said I should get a cab home. Then, as now, I insisted on walking. Next thing I know, I was standing in our neighbour's kitchen with a couple of cops, lit mainly by blue flashing lights coming from outside. Apparently, I'd almost made it home but collapsed in kerb a few houses down from ours. Our neighbours saw me there and thought it was a hit and run incident. Amazingly everyone seemed pretty ok with it. The only consequence (other than a blinding hangover) was my mum making me go to the neighbours to apologise. When we got there, they kept apologising for involving the cops!
This wasn't the first incident, that was a year or so earlier when mate who'd been to Spain produced an astonishing collection of miniatures. I can't imagine that sort of thing happening now, but it didn't seem extra-ordinary living on Canvey Island in the '70s. Anyway, my mates didn't like these spirits very much and so had a couple of sips each and left them. Me, on the other hand, quickly developed a taste and drank all that I could. That is, until I made myself ill. To this day I still blame the Blue Curacao. I was completely out of it, but somehow my mates managed to get me home. My next moment of consciousness was laying on my bed with a bucket next to me and a note addressed to my mum saying, "Dear Mrs L., Sorry but Jon doesn't feel very well. We went to the chip shop at lunchtime and he was showing-off how many pickled onions he could eat. We think he must have had too many. Hope he gets better soon". My guts hurt where I'd been wrenching so much and pukey-bucket absolutely stank of booze. There wasn't a pickled onion in sight, but to her credit my mum never said a word. I haven't touched Blue Curacao since. Perhaps I'll treat myself to a bottle for Christmas.
24 tins of cat food. Courtesy of the owner of the club behind the Lord Howick's car boot. Thought I had had a result when the landlords boot opened and there were cans staring at me. Must be lager. All my mates chasing me as I ran down Woolwich Road with my bounty. Stopped by police outside White Horse and it quickly become apparent it wasn't lager after all. Threw cans and ran. Arrested on Morris Walk. Woolwich magistrates a week later. Trying my best to keep a straight face when the magistrates are doing their utmost not to piss themselves laughing when charging me. Worth every penny of the £50 fine. Priceless.
24 tins of cat food. Courtesy of the owner of the club behind the Lord Howick's car boot. Thought I had had a result when the landlords boot opened and there were cans staring at me. Must be lager. All my mates chasing me as I ran down Woolwich Road with my bounty. Stopped by police outside White Horse and it quickly become apparent it wasn't lager after all. Threw cans and ran. Arrested on Morris Walk. Woolwich magistrates a week later. Trying my best to keep a straight face when the magistrates are doing their utmost not to piss themselves laughing when charging me. Worth every penny of the £50 fine. Priceless.
Not me but a mate at uni, quietest one in our group mind. After a night out when everyone else went to bed he went out on his own, walked a mile to one of the massive billboards you get next to the road, ripped the whole advert off, carried it home, stuffed it into his room then went to bed. All a big laugh in the morning it was absolutely massive and barely fit in his little uni room, apparently he "just really liked the design",. A great laugh until he started having an increase of bugs in his room. Suddenly realised the thing was infested with creepy crawlies and they were everywhere, he got rid of the thing the next afternoon but he was killing the little buggers for weeks afterwards, beetles, centipedes, little flies, everything.
Once when staying in Weymouth diving Came back from pub and went to bed to find a rather large sexy live lobster in my be waiting for me that my mates had put there And my other mate had a big angry crab waiting for him
Apparently some bloke got really high on Ambien (sleeping pill, where if you stay awake you hallucinate - a bit like quaaludes I suppose) and then ordered a live yak online:
Apparently some bloke got really high on Ambien (sleeping pill, where if you stay awake you hallucinate - a bit like quaaludes I suppose) and then ordered a live yak online:
Comments
Girlfriend woke me up after I had crashed out to:
Di and Dodi died.....
I said what??
She repeated it but quicker... and again and again
You say that quickly (repeatedly) and make sense of that when you are drunk and it’s 4am in the morning.
I think I just said “ piss off” (or similar)
She wound down her window.
'Matt. What are you doing?'
'Schhtealing this traffic light, but the bloody thing isshn't co-operating'.
Window winds up. Drives on.
went there with a large group of friends and the waiter said "I would be happy to seat you all, as soon as he has returned my candle stand", pointing directly at me. Ended up in the Sopna.
A bar stool from the Royal Standard, Blackheath. They were closing the public bar for a refit and the land lady said we could keep the furniture. That was 36 years ago and I still have the stool.
Unless the place where you 'crashed out' was a tunnel in France.
Thankfully it didn't get stored in my house so my mates wife had the dubious honour of waking up to see a deflated bouncy castle going from the hall through to the conservatory at the end of their kitchen
The pub saw the funny side in the end
I came out of this 'club' after having had a few and took the wrong turning and could not find where my hotel was. As the weather was very nice after seeing this very well kept garden I decided to sleep there the night.
My alarm call was a rather large German copper, who fortunately was reasonably friendly. On telling him where I was staying he told me that he knew the dude and gave me a lift back to my hotel. He wanted to see my passport so my two mates got the shock of their life when a drunk, dishevelled midget came walking in with plod behind him.
On seeing my passport he bid me good day and I then went back to bed, I had the mother of all hangovers that day.
Also had a Walls Ice Cream sign, the big metal one that stands up outside the shop.
Don't know where they went but I think my parents discretely disposed of the evidence.
Walking to the pub one night we noticed the local hotel was having a bathroom refit, and there was a stack of baths/toilets in the car park. Already the worse for wear we thought it would be amusing to take one of the toilets to the pub. Within 5 minutes of entering we had invented a new game of playing darts whilst sitting on the toilet, amazingly the landlord didn't seem to mind.
On the way back from our local we were obviously even more drunk so we decided it would be funny to take one of the baths and leave it on our mates front lawn who wasn't with us that night. There was 4 of us and he lived about a mile way and this thing was heavy, most of the walk was on the grass verge of a dual carriageway so I am amazed we never got stopped. Anyway next night I didn't go out but I knew what would happen as I live on the route home for most of the boys from the pub. I stayed on guard until about 11.30pm (pubs in those days closed at 10.30 on a Sunday) and thought I must of got away with it. Went to bed and when I awoke in the morning there were 2 baths and a toilet on my front lawn !!
This seven foot tall World Cup mascot.
Woke up to find the same mascot in my friends bed after he carried it home.
Had to order a taxi and tell them to deliver it back the next morning.
This wasn't the first incident, that was a year or so earlier when mate who'd been to Spain produced an astonishing collection of miniatures. I can't imagine that sort of thing happening now, but it didn't seem extra-ordinary living on Canvey Island in the '70s. Anyway, my mates didn't like these spirits very much and so had a couple of sips each and left them. Me, on the other hand, quickly developed a taste and drank all that I could. That is, until I made myself ill. To this day I still blame the Blue Curacao. I was completely out of it, but somehow my mates managed to get me home. My next moment of consciousness was laying on my bed with a bucket next to me and a note addressed to my mum saying, "Dear Mrs L., Sorry but Jon doesn't feel very well. We went to the chip shop at lunchtime and he was showing-off how many pickled onions he could eat. We think he must have had too many. Hope he gets better soon". My guts hurt where I'd been wrenching so much and pukey-bucket absolutely stank of booze. There wasn't a pickled onion in sight, but to her credit my mum never said a word. I haven't touched Blue Curacao since. Perhaps I'll treat myself to a bottle for Christmas.
Courtesy of the owner of the club behind the Lord Howick's car boot.
Thought I had had a result when the landlords boot opened and there were cans staring at me. Must be lager.
All my mates chasing me as I ran down Woolwich Road with my bounty.
Stopped by police outside White Horse and it quickly become apparent it wasn't lager after all.
Threw cans and ran.
Arrested on Morris Walk.
Woolwich magistrates a week later.
Trying my best to keep a straight face when the magistrates are doing their utmost not to piss themselves laughing when charging me.
Worth every penny of the £50 fine.
Priceless.
Came back from pub and went to bed to find a rather large sexy live lobster in my be waiting for me that my mates had put there
And my other mate had a big angry crab waiting for him