A conundrum. Views please.

Sillybilly

This is a genuine question although it may give rise to some unnecessary frivolity along the way. I have been treated to a night out by a very good friend (who is a Millwall supporter but that is not important right now). We are at the London Palladium to see the Absolute Radio Live comedy show in aid of Stand Up to Cancer. We have excellent seats in the middle of the stalls about ten rows from the front. My mate who could, to be kind, not be described as petit himself, has just had the owner of the seat next to him turn up. I should say waddle up. This chap, to put no fine a point on it, is f......g huge. I mean remove the windows to get him out of the house huge. He has just squeezed himself into the seat next to my mate. I don’t know how he managed to so squeeze himself but his capacious butt hitting the seat possibly explains the small tremor felt in Eltham and surrounding area a few moments ago. My mate is now squeezed hopelessly towards me at a 45 degree angle.  What to do?  Grin and bear it (it’s a charity night after all?). Complain to said hulk and appeal to his better nature that he just doesn’t fit and shouldn’t be so selfish?  Complain to the stewards?  I have had a similar experience when Robbie Coltrane sat next to me on a plane once (yes. Really!). Thoughts please?

DaveMehmet

Try and get backstage and ask the comedians to rip the shit out of the fat bastard immediately from the off. If they’re cruel enough he might shove off early (and console himself in the nearest McDonalds for a couple of hours)

DaveMehmet

Seriously, speak to the stewards. Will avoid any awkward confrontation as he may well feel bad about it already.

seth plum

Maybe the substantial fellow could occupy two seats and your friend could sit on his lap.

Johnnysummers5

Are Squeeze on the bill

Stig

I presume if it's at the Palladium it's allocated seats only, in which case I'm not really sure what the stewards would be able to do.

AFKABartram

P I C O S U A C A

ricky_otto

@DaveMehmet is a very approachable person - just ask him to move. 

MrOneLung

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S U A C A

Anyone got a clue?

creepyaddick

Let your mate have your seat and you sit in the middle!

Sillybilly

It’s actually no joke. Half time interval and my mate is feeling quite claustrophobic. And I’m leaning sideways  as a result. And to make matters worse the show is utter shite. Frank Skinner, Jo Brand, Tom Allen and Glen Moore so far. Not even remotely funny. Three more to come including my Darah O’brieann. It can only get better. 

se9addick

Sillybilly said:

It’s actually no joke. Half time interval and my mate is feeling quite claustrophobic. And I’m leaning sideways  as a result. And to make matters worse the show is utter shite. Frank Skinner, Jo Brand, Tom Allen and Glen Moore so far. Not even remotely funny. Three more to come including my Darah O’brieann. It can only get better. 

Just leave and go to the pub 

Baldybonce

Find someone in authority, explain the situation and demand they sort it.

LargeAddick

Sillybilly said:

This is a genuine question although it may give rise to some unnecessary frivolity along the way. I have been treated to a night out by a very good friend (who is a Millwall supporter but that is not important right now). We are at the London Palladium to see the Absolute Radio Live comedy show in aid of Stand Up to Cancer. We have excellent seats in the middle of the stalls about ten rows from the front. My mate who could, to be kind, not be described as petit himself, has just had the owner of the seat next to him turn up. I should say waddle up. This chap, to put no fine a point on it, is f......g huge. I mean remove the windows to get him out of the house huge. He has just squeezed himself into the seat next to my mate. I don’t know how he managed to so squeeze himself but his capacious butt hitting the seat possibly explains the small tremor felt in Eltham and surrounding area a few moments ago. My mate is now squeezed hopelessly towards me at a 45 degree angle.  What to do?  Grin and bear it (it’s a charity night after all?). Complain to said hulk and appeal to his better nature that he just doesn’t fit and shouldn’t be so selfish?  Complain to the stewards?  I have had a similar experience when Robbie Coltrane sat next to me on a plane once (yes. Really!). Thoughts please?

You think you have it bad, I’m sat next to some twat who is on his phone all the time ....

Huskaris

Jo Brand... Stay on here and talk to us, we will help you get through it, the obese man is the least of your worries. 

AFKABartram

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S U A C A

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S C U C A

Well you lot would be shoite on Countdown..

Stig

AFKABartram said:

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S U A C A

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S C U C A

Well you lot would be shoite on Countdown..

Cocoa's up

DaveMehmet

AFKABartram said:

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S U A C A

AFKABartram said:

P I C O S C U C A

Well you lot would be shoite on Countdown..

We’d be too busy ogling Rachel

sillav nitram

Stick a pin in him maybe he'll explode or at least go through the roof!

Fumbluff

I had a situation like this on jury service about 7-yrs ago. Luckily for me, my diagonalness and the “I’m dying” look on my face (the feller absolutely stank too) elicited some pity from the judge who requested a change in the seating order - top tip there, jurors have to sit in the same order for the whole duration of a trial so do spend your time in the pre-court working out who is enormous or smelly or fidgety and make sure you walk into the court as far away from then as you can...You may not be able to make as good a face as me to save yourself...

flyingkiwiDK

Offer him a wafer thin mint 

Oggy Red

If he's Mr Creosote from Monty Python, then you should move before he explodes.

randy andy

Offer him a wafer thin mint and then leg it

Macronate

No update from @Sillybilly.

Wonder if he got out ok?

DaveMehmet

Macronate said:

No update from @Sillybilly.

Wonder if he got out ok?

The bloke probably ate him 

Sillybilly

It’s ok guys. I’m alive. We just had to grin and bear it I’m afraid as there wasn’t a spare seat to be had and we didn’t feel up to shaming the poor guy as we felt a bit sorry for him. Not sure what I’d do again in the same circumstances. I guess it’s a bit like very large people buying plane tickets when they are clearly too big for the seats. 

As for the show, it picked up a bit in the second half mainly due to Matt Forde (who’s Boris impersonation is brilliant) and Darah O’Brienn who was very good.  On the whole a very disappointing evening. It was interesting to watch the audience. About half and half between people like me sitting with arms folded counting the minutes and others laughing loudly (and in some cases very annoyingly). All a matter of taste I suppose. And money raised for a good cause so no harm done. 

Bromley Graham

Palladium seats are very tight to say the least. A friend of mine who is very tall could not sit because his knees pushed into the back of the seat in front. He went and asked a staff member if he could stand at the back and ,god knows why, they put him and his lady in the Royal Box.  People kept looking up at them,wondering who they were, and he couldn't resist giving the occasional regal wave.

Sillybilly

Bromley Graham said:

Palladium seats are very tight to say the least. A friend of mine who is very tall could not sit because his knees pushed into the back of the seat in front. He went and asked a staff member if he could stand at the back and ,god knows why, they put him and his lady in the Royal Box.  People kept looking up at them,wondering who they were, and he couldn't resist giving the occasional regal wave.

We were lucky in that we were in the front stalls which are the widest seats in the house (although hardly capacious!). If we’d have been in any of the upper tiers the colossus wouldn’t have been able to sit down. 

CafcWest

Sillybilly said:

It’s ok guys. I’m alive. We just had to grin and bear it I’m afraid as there wasn’t a spare seat to be had and we didn’t feel up to shaming the poor guy as we felt a bit sorry for him. Not sure what I’d do again in the same circumstances. I guess it’s a bit like very large people buying plane tickets when they are clearly too big for the seats. 

As for the show, it picked up a bit in the second half mainly due to Matt Forde (who’s Boris impersonation is brilliant) and Darah O’Brienn who was very good.  On the whole a very disappointing evening. It was interesting to watch the audience. About half and half between people like me sitting with arms folded counting the minutes and others laughing loudly (and in some cases very annoyingly). All a matter of taste I suppose. And money raised for a good cause so no harm done. 

In America - where very large butts are fairly common - the airlines have a policy of making extra large people either pay for 2 seats or upgrade to first class.

golfaddick

Sillybilly said:

It’s ok guys. I’m alive. We just had to grin and bear it I’m afraid as there wasn’t a spare seat to be had and we didn’t feel up to shaming the poor guy as we felt a bit sorry for him. Not sure what I’d do again in the same circumstances. I guess it’s a bit like very large people buying plane tickets when they are clearly too big for the seats. 

As for the show, it picked up a bit in the second half mainly due to Matt Forde (who’s Boris impersonation is brilliant) and Darah O’Brienn who was very good.  On the whole a very disappointing evening. It was interesting to watch the audience. About half and half between people like me sitting with arms folded counting the minutes and others laughing loudly (and in some cases very annoyingly). All a matter of taste I suppose. And money raised for a good cause so no harm done. 

Fancy laughing at a comedy gig......must have been very annoying & broke your concentration whilst on your phone.

AddicksAddict

cafc-west said:

Sillybilly said:

It’s ok guys. I’m alive. We just had to grin and bear it I’m afraid as there wasn’t a spare seat to be had and we didn’t feel up to shaming the poor guy as we felt a bit sorry for him. Not sure what I’d do again in the same circumstances. I guess it’s a bit like very large people buying plane tickets when they are clearly too big for the seats. 

As for the show, it picked up a bit in the second half mainly due to Matt Forde (who’s Boris impersonation is brilliant) and Darah O’Brienn who was very good.  On the whole a very disappointing evening. It was interesting to watch the audience. About half and half between people like me sitting with arms folded counting the minutes and others laughing loudly (and in some cases very annoyingly). All a matter of taste I suppose. And money raised for a good cause so no harm done. 

In America - where very large butts are fairly common - the airlines have a policy of making extra large people either pay for 2 seats or upgrade to first class.

Good for them.