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Parenting advice

Wonder if any of the older, wiser and experienced among us can give any tips. 

My 5 year old is good as gold but for the past 3 weeks has all of a sudden started playing up at bedtime.  Complaining of various ailments that suddenly appear at bedtime and just coming downstairs every time she's left up there multiple times. 

It seems to be a bit of a common theme amongst her school friends since the covid lockdown and perhaps it's understandably causing anxt.   

Have tried the nice approach, the not nice approach (threating to take away toys etc) and nothing working.


Anyone got any ideas of things that worked for you in the past?

She's fine and seemingly very happy all day and gets loads of exercise etc but it's just bedtimes.  Wife and I obviously need time to chill in the evenings as it's quite relentless with 2 young children in the parameters of lockdown (Im working at home full time Mon to Friday) but main concern is how the lack of sleep is/ will affect her on top of the already non ideal lack of socialisation with her friends.  

Any pointers or insight will be gratefully received.   Not a major issue and very much a first world problem and even then I know many parents have it far far tougher but this place is always a great source of wisdom and first hand experience so thought I'd take a punt.

Cheers


Comments

  • edited June 2020
    Is she due to go back to school?

    If she is have you decided if she is going back or not and told her what your decision is?

    She could be upset that either she is or isn't going back, whichever way you decided.
  • We did the put them straight back up when that come down thing. Took around 4 or 5 nights and worked.


    Nearly broke us though!
  • Is she due to go back to school?

    If she is have you decided if she is going back or not and told her what your decision is?

    She could be upset that either she is or isn't going back, whichever way you decided.

    Thought long and hard about it.   In the end decided not to, a large reason being that it would mean her 3 year old brother who has been loving her company would be on his own.

    She is really upset about not going to school and missing her friends in general so it wasn't easy to keep her home and is definitely a contributor to it.
  • We did the put them straight back up when that come down thing. Took around 4 or 5 nights and worked.


    Nearly broke us though!

    Thanks @ca@"carly burn"  will try and persevere with that from tomorrow.

  • RCT, have you asked her what the problem is?
  • Could it be that her younger brother is receiving more parental attention than she is? Or rather that is her perception of the situation? 

    As a parent it is all too easy to give the younger more dependent children more attention than the older ones without intending to.

    As the father of 3 daughters and grandfather of 3 grandsons in my experience children of all ages often want a bit of individual attention at bedtime and sometimes it is best to just 'go with it' and after a few days they settle of their own accord once they know you will be there if they want you.


  • Warm weather....?  It can be a bugger this time of year to get to sleep. Is her room cool enough...?
  • edited June 2020
    My wife (I’m a pony parent) says make sure going to bed is regular time wise and a similar experience .

    I know you say she’s missing friends etc but did she know there was a possibility to go back and that’s now been taken away from her (she may hold resentment towards her brother if that’s the case)
    in my experience the less they know the better re certain situations when younger .



    if all else fails a right hander might make her think twice about stepping downstairs


  • I remember I did this as a nipper for a couple of weeks and then it just stopped.  What worked for me was I was allowed to sit with the adults for a few minutes and then taken back up to bed seeing as I could barely keep my eyes open.
  • One thing I do know about children is that having them is genetic - if your parents didn't, you won't.
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  • blackout curtains were a godsend in our house
  • Some good suggestions above re routines. It's a while since mine were that little, but I think the key is to ask her why she's coming down, in a non-judgemental way. She may not be able to say why she's coming down after going to bed, but it will be good for her that you are listening to her. We're not in normal times and sometimes any of us, at any age, can feel overwhelmed or that something's not quite right. Talking will help. 
  • Wonder if any of the older, wiser and experienced among us can give any tips. 

    My 5 year old is good as gold but for the past 3 weeks has all of a sudden started playing up at bedtime.  Complaining of various ailments that suddenly appear at bedtime and just coming downstairs every time she's left up there multiple times. 

    It seems to be a bit of a common theme amongst her school friends since the covid lockdown and perhaps it's understandably causing anxt.   

    Have tried the nice approach, the not nice approach (threating to take away toys etc) and nothing working.


    Anyone got any ideas of things that worked for you in the past?

    She's fine and seemingly very happy all day and gets loads of exercise etc but it's just bedtimes.  Wife and I obviously need time to chill in the evenings as it's quite relentless with 2 young children in the parameters of lockdown (Im working at home full time Mon to Friday) but main concern is how the lack of sleep is/ will affect her on top of the already non ideal lack of socialisation with her friends.  

    Any pointers or insight will be gratefully received.   Not a major issue and very much a first world problem and even then I know many parents have it far far tougher but this place is always a great source of wisdom and first hand experience so thought I'd take a punt.

    Cheers


    Quite normal behaviour imo. You’ve obviously got a happy household and she’s probably just frightened she’s going to miss something.
  • I sometimes wonder if trying everything is too scattergun, and if trying one thing until it works is better.
    I am no expert.
    However one thing that has had success for me in the past is to acknowledge and respect the resistance before the insistence.
    With words especially.
    As in not saying 'go to bed', but saying something like 'sweetheart, I can see you don't feel (the key word) like going to bed right now, but you have to' or similar. Or 'you have to in one minute'.
    Might lead to a bit of negotiation, but you can still insist, and negotiation is a good learning system for everybody.
    Good luck.
  • My five year old is similar, been going to bed about just after 8, after watching some TV with us while we eat and finally try to get some time to ourselves. Last few days we've let her play in the garden with the 8 year old and the neighbours until half 8. They do constantly try to push the limits bit that's just what kids do. Got to make a stand sometimes even if they run upstairs crying and then shout at you through the monitor
  • Some great advice on here thank you everyone I really appreciate it.
  • If an active mind or prone to worries / fears then try and channel that when leaving the room with future thinking or recollection of happy things.

    Eg. Try thinking of all the things you’d like to do tomorrow/ at the weekend, try and remember everywhere you can remember going on holiday and think of five things you can remember from that holiday, think of all the characters in Peppa Pig and choose your favourite three, think of all the foods you ate today, alphabet games (depending of age. think of a food / football team / place / girls name etc beginning with A, B, C) etc

    Anything that fills there thought process and takes their concentration away from concerns. The natural tiredness process and a dark room  should kick in at some stage. 
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  • seth plum said:
    I sometimes wonder if trying everything is too scattergun, and if trying one thing until it works is better.
    I am no expert.
    However one thing that has had success for me in the past is to acknowledge and respect the resistance before the insistence.
    With words especially.
    As in not saying 'go to bed', but saying something like 'sweetheart, I can see you don't feel (the key word) like going to bed right now, but you have to' or similar. Or 'you have to in one minute'.
    Might lead to a bit of negotiation, but you can still insist, and negotiation is a good learning system for everybody.
    Good luck.
    Am I the only one wondering what @PaddyP17 has to say?  ;)
  • Although a lot younger, my son has been a bit grizzly at bedtime recently and we've found just sitting in his room until he nods off can help 
  • My daughter found (for a short while) that Alexa helped. 

    Her daughter would come down and be allowed a 'win' by being allowed to stay up for a further 5/10 minutes until Alexa announced it was time for her to go to bed.  As I say it was a brief respite for a few days, but most welcome just the same.
  • Little Miss Idle used to nod off to tapes of Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter. Went on for about five years. Bet if I put him on now she'd be asleep in two minutes!
  • IdleHans said:
    Little Miss Idle used to nod off to tapes of Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter. Went on for about five years. Bet if I put him on now she'd be asleep in two minutes!
    Currently have Gangsta Granny audio of David Walliams playing upstairs 
  • One confusing element for little ones at this time of year is that darkness doesn’t come and signal bedtime. Kids that age don’t have a sense of days/time that older kids do, and it seems to them that there is no “night time” - it’s light when they get up and still light when they go to bed. Some parents I know have had success with using darker window blinds/curtains. 
    Good luck. 
  • Thanks for all the advice folks.  She confessed today that she's been making up the ailments because she really misses her friends.  She's out camping in the garden tonight with mum and brother so hopefully will turn a corner but at least she's let us know why she's been acting up.

    Lots of really good advice on here, thank you.


    Our daughter broke down this afternoon due to missing her friends. She's back in school tomorrow for 2 days a week but her best friends are key worker's kids and have been in school all along & they'll be kept separate.

    We were worried about her when the lockdown started as she's suffered with emotional issues in the past but she's coped with it really well. In some respects lockdown has been nice as we've eaten pretty much every meal and spent a lot of time doing things together but other than WhatsApp calls, she's hardly seen any of her friends.

    It's difficult enough for adults to take in the concept of what's gong on, let along young kids.


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