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Stupid business talk.

2

Comments

  • Mendonca In Asdas
    Mendonca In Asdas Posts: 22,650
    We need to think outside the box (just out of interest, how big is the box?)
  • iainment
    iainment Posts: 8,039
    Mendonca In Asdas said:
    We need to think outside the box (just out of interest, how big is the box?)
    18 yards by 44 yards.
  • valleynick66
    valleynick66 Posts: 4,890
    The optics on this are...
  • valleynick66
    valleynick66 Posts: 4,890
    The cadence of the reporting /process etc. 

    Had to look it up to know what was meant. Naturally it’s an imported phrase from US colleagues. 
  • bobmunro
    bobmunro Posts: 20,843
    valleynick66 said:
    The optics on this are...

    ... empty. Go and get another bottle.
  • Callumcafc
    Callumcafc Posts: 63,765
    edited September 2020
    https://youtu.be/d2VoHdpj2ZA
  • thai malaysia addick
    thai malaysia addick Posts: 18,334
    Forward planning (have you tried backward planning?)
  • Addickted
    Addickted Posts: 19,456
    Peel the onion
    Elevator pitch
    Look under the bonnet
    Al desko
    Strategic staircase
    Punch a puppy
    Touch base offline

    And no presentation is complete without the use of 'holistic'

    All phrases used by me in my final handover to my Board before I fucked off into retirement.

    Cost my Director £100 and the bar tab at my leaving do.

  • Leroy Ambrose
    Leroy Ambrose Posts: 14,436
    'The art of the possible' really makes my shit itch, along with: 'Let's take that offline', and 'We'll workshop that' 

  • cabbles
    cabbles Posts: 15,255
    Getting our/my ducks in a row
    keeping my powder dry

    any press release by a CEO of any major company is usually buzzword vomit.  

    Culture and values are also two words that are bandied about too much and have created an industry for those that were bullied at school 
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  • cabbles
    cabbles Posts: 15,255
    ‘We’re a values based business’

    ‘He’s ex-IBM or he’s ex Google’ 
  • Oggy Red
    Oggy Red Posts: 44,955
    We're looking to achieve a 'sea change' .......
  • Dave Rudd
    Dave Rudd Posts: 2,865
    Since I retired from multi-national pharmaceuticals a few years ago, I have come to miss Lean Sigma philosophy.

    I especially miss the 'green belts' who would guide our every step ... suitably risk-assessed before, of course. 

    I will confess that I once managed to get through a three-day training course (aka Boot Camp ... I kid you not) without removing my Lean Sigma ring binder from its shrink wrapping ... and no-one even suspected.

    This Covid pandemic will change many things, some for the better.  One of my expectations is that these vacuous, non-value added, self-perpetuating activities will fall by the wayside, and somehow we'll get by just fine.
  • Windy
    Windy Posts: 85
    WIOTOS
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,024
    Leroy Ambrose said:
    'The art of the possible' really makes my shit itch, along with: 'Let's take that offline', and 'We'll workshop that' 

    "The art of the possible" is doubly annoying when it is the mantra of someone committed to squashing every idea proposed by their underlings; more like art of the impossible.

    The particular ignoramus I'm thinking of did used to make me laugh though when she'd talk about having a 'Pandora's Box' full of ideas, obviously not understanding the significance of what that meant. No-one ever explained to her. It was just left as a very public sign of her ignorance. 
  • i_b_b_o_r_g
    i_b_b_o_r_g Posts: 18,948
    edited September 2020
    "From the get go"

    "Touch base"

    Had a bloke I was working for a couple of years ago who would email me after virtually every phonecall, to confirm what we had said, saying "After our telecommunication on (date)". I was only building him a garden gate
  • IanJRO
    IanJRO Posts: 691
    This thread is amazing. Going to run a few ideas up the flag pole and circle back on it later.
  • Addick Addict
    Addick Addict Posts: 39,789
    "Blue sky thinking" WTF does that mean?
  • Miserableoldgit
    Miserableoldgit Posts: 21,458
    With @i_b_b_o_r_g

    "Touch base".
  • golfaddick
    golfaddick Posts: 33,628
    If you need to use "corporate speak" then you are no good at your job.
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  • i_b_b_o_r_g
    i_b_b_o_r_g Posts: 18,948
    golfaddick said:
    If you need to use "corporate speak" then you are no good at your job.
    Run that past me again...?
  • Windy
    Windy Posts: 85
    Interesting how a word or phrase will take hold in an organisation and then spread. Recent examples where I worked include 'transformation' (in reality moving a bit faster than glacial), 'pivot' (change direction) and 'landed' (as in 'yes, that really landed with me').

    I normally ask a colleague to punch me if they hear me spouting such bollocks.
  • Wilma
    Wilma Posts: 1,618
    cabbles said:

    Culture and values are also two words that are bandied about too much and have created an industry for those that were bullied at school 
    I absolutely hate that crap! All corporate 'values' are the same shit, just worded slightly differently. 

    We all have an annual objective 'to work in accordance with the corporate values' and have to come up with some crap to say how we've done it. It's just basic common decency, I don't need a fancy intranet page telling me that I should treat my colleagues nicely and not be an arse! 
  • markwebb25
    markwebb25 Posts: 718
    Pain point
    Ring fencing
    Solutionise - that's not even a word!
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,229
    Addick Addict said:
    "Blue sky thinking" WTF does that mean?
    Everything is stored on the cloud?
  • Addickted
    Addickted Posts: 19,456
    All these phrases/sayings come from US Management gurus who are basically failed TV Pastors.

    One of these always makes the meetings more interesting, though one person did shout 'house' two hours into a strategic planning meeting once.


  • TeslaGirl
    TeslaGirl Posts: 184
    I hate it when people use "quantum leap" for something really large.  Let me explain to you about the size of a hydrogen atom...
  • SouthNorwoodAddick
    SouthNorwoodAddick Posts: 107
    "Consumer journey"
    "Gathering learnings"
  • cafctom
    cafctom Posts: 11,370
    I’m in sales management for an American company so am swamped in this sort of lingo all day long.

    ”Who is owning this action?”
  • charltonkeston
    charltonkeston Posts: 7,362
    I used like Drop the Dead Donkey. Gus Hedges used corporate speak In excess. 

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