It's been about 10 years now but I got an LPoA for my dad when he was already pretty far down the dementia road. I don't remember having to get anything from a doctor, just a third party (his best friend) to confirm he believed he knew what he was doing (or words to that effect).
It's been about 10 years now but I got an LPoA for my dad when he was already pretty far down the dementia road. I don't remember having to get anything from a doctor, just a third party (his best friend) to confirm he believed he knew what he was doing (or words to that effect).
It's been about 10 years now but I got an LPoA for my dad when he was already pretty far down the dementia road. I don't remember having to get anything from a doctor, just a third party (his best friend) to confirm he believed he knew what he was doing (or words to that effect).
Good luck.
Thanks Rob appreciated
No problem, as I say, good luck with everything, what type of dementia does your mum have? Does she attend a memory clinic?
Sorry for the questions when you're looking for answers.
No worries.
Too late because she (according to a doctor) is unable to make complex decisions for herself
Here's a link, I've just skimmed through but I think all details are there. From what I understand (from a different website) I actually have to pay each year to manage my mums money !
My old man must just have a dreary outlook as he got me, my sister and his own partner/missus LPA’s over him last year and there’s not a lot wrong with him mentally (aside from he always thinks he took me to my first match at The Valley when unfortunately it was Shithurst park) and now he’s relying on me to not lose half a dozen boring envelopes that some solicitor has sent me...
Not a dreary outlook, just good foresight. As you can see others have left it too late. First sign of either of my parents going doolally then I’ll be getting LPOA’s like a shot.
In my recent experience you may find you've left it too late !
We arranged a POA several years ago when my father passed away with my mother's consent, and I'm very glad I did it then as sadly the time to use it is very near. In my mother's case she is unaware of the dangers we can all see.
When my Dad died in 1998 mum struggled to manage. Depression and then Dementia gradually set in. I got PoA quite early on, but the most practical thing I did was to set up a joint bank account with her. That way she still controlled her money and I could monitor what she spent. When she died (in 2013) I used the account to settle her affairs before closing it.
The world has moved on a bit in the last few years so not sure whether I’d be able to set up a joint account now.
When my Dad died in 1998 mum struggled to manage. Depression and then Dementia gradually set in. I got PoA quite early on, but the most practical thing I did was to set up a joint bank account with her. That way she still controlled her money and I could monitor what she spent. When she died (in 2013) I used the account to settle her affairs before closing it.
The world has moved on a bit in the last few years so not sure whether I’d be able to set up a joint account now.
You wouldn't really need a joint account any more - just the password for her account!
We also got POA for my mum quite early on. You don't have to actually use it - it's just to bit of paper which says you can if you need to.
Mum never really got dementia but as she moved into care homes and eventually died, it was very handy just to be able to say that you had it ready - just in case - even though we did have that password.
When my Dad died in 1998 mum struggled to manage. Depression and then Dementia gradually set in. I got PoA quite early on, but the most practical thing I did was to set up a joint bank account with her. That way she still controlled her money and I could monitor what she spent. When she died (in 2013) I used the account to settle her affairs before closing it.
The world has moved on a bit in the last few years so not sure whether I’d be able to set up a joint account now.
Natwest where my dad banked were very helpful, they knew him for many years though as he was old school and refused to use a cash machine, so when I went in with him they were quite glad as he'd started to struggle and they realised that, they quite happily added me to the account, this was just before getting LPoA.
In fact a few times they rang me to say he'd been in but couldn't find his card or remember pin but they let him withdraw £30. Theres still a lot of good, helpful, people around.
Very heartening to see how well people have managed to settle their loved ones' affairs when the situation demands it.
On a practical note, I would always suggest people should avoid setting up a joint account (and continuing to use it after their loved one had passed away) or to share someone's password details.
The LPA route is, in my opinion, the safest, most secure means of doing what's required, and is the best way to avoid unintended consequences.
It's been about 10 years now but I got an LPoA for my dad when he was already pretty far down the dementia road. I don't remember having to get anything from a doctor, just a third party (his best friend) to confirm he believed he knew what he was doing (or words to that effect).
Good luck.
Thanks Rob appreciated
No problem, as I say, good luck with everything, what type of dementia does your mum have? Does she attend a memory clinic?
Good question ? She was in hospital for just over 4 weeks, came home & a week later was back for another 2. In that time she was in 4 or 5 different wards. So everytime had a different consultant, doctor & nurses & while her notes were available to everyone they couldn't make up there mind whether she had dementia or delirium. I actually believe that she had delirium because as poorly as she is now she has certainly shown some recovery from those dreadful early weeks. I was told she had Vascular Dementia but having done some research & the total change in her personality I feel it could be Frontotemporal. (Well I may as well have a guess as that's what the doctors appeared to be doing) When she first came home she had an appointment at the memory clinic but for some reason she didn't go, it possibly coincided with her re admission to hospital. It was never mentioned again & my mind was in turmoil & I had forgotten all about it. Now that she's in a care home although they "activities" I don't think a memory clinic is part of that. Worth having a word though. Thanks again
Are her words confused? i.e. generally with Alzheimer's people still will talk perfectly sensible sentences (as in the words and structure all make sense), with vascular you will start to see words get very jumbled.
It also sounds like quite a sudden onset? Did she get better, get sent home, got worse and went back in?
Going to sound strange, but make sure she drinks lots, lots of water, i've seen many diagnosed with dementia and it was a urine infection (and early stage dementia).
Yes, my mother in law has had a couple of bouts of delirium/hallucinating/strange week or two and it was down to dehydration, urine infection, taking too many calcium tablets on different occasions.
Dementia can be like a circle, the memory starts to go, they forget to drink, forget to take tablets etc and the health suffers.
So many suffer urine infections and it appears the dementia has suddenly got a hell of a lot worse. I used to see my dad almost every day, he got used to the fact when I turned up it was tablets and two large glasses of water!
Are her words confused? i.e. generally with Alzheimer's people still will talk perfectly sensible sentences (as in the words and structure all make sense), with vascular you will start to see words get very jumbled.
It also sounds like quite a sudden onset? Did she get better, get sent home, got worse and went back in?
Going to sound strange, but make sure she drinks lots, lots of water, i've seen many diagnosed with dementia and it was a urine infection (and early stage dementia).
It was basically like turning a light switch on. She had a fall & I found her on her bedroom floor in her nightdress so had obviously been there all day. I picked her up & put her to bed & she said she was ok, she had a black eye & a bruise to her opposite cheek but other than that seemed ok. The next day she seemed ok, she didn't want to get up but sat on the side of the bed with my GF just looking out in the garden & chatting. The following day she was very drowsy & I called an ambulance, we spent 9 hours just waiting & she had a scan & xrays & finally they found her a bed on a ward & told me that would take her to a side room to transfer her from the trolley to the bed, they pulled the curtain across & that was goodbye to my Mum as I knew her. Within seconds she started screaming, what are you doing to me etc etc so I went in to see what had happened & she shouted a load of abuse at me, something she had never done in her life & that was the start of a different life for her & me. She spent 4 weeks in hospital & then they discharged her as she "wasn't ill" she spent a week at home but one night she was in such terrible stomach pain I had to call an ambulance, it could have been a urinary infection I can't remember now but she spent another 2weeks in hospital & then sent her home again. Haha not strange about lots of water, they told me in hospital about that but getting her to swallow it is another matter.
She's very up & down, she's often very tired & finds it difficult to hold the phone to her ear for very long & at these times she sometimes desperately searches for the words she wants to say & you can hear the frustration in her voice when she can't think of them or sometimes she will just say the wrong word. She doesn't say a lot, I do most of the talking & she will answer as best as she can. On the other hand I spoke about the POA today & briefly said I had to fill out the forms & get a witness to her signature & she followed that apart from asking where she gets the forms from. I also said to her I don't have to do it if you don't want me to, we could let social services deal with it. As clear as daylight she said No! I don't want them to do it I want you to do it. I just wish there had been a witness there. Thanks for posting have a good weekend & lets hope for three points with a Ronnie hat trick
I'm around if you want to chat, sounds very similar to my father and almost certainly sounds like vascular with the wrong words. Over the space of 6 months I got to know a lot of staff in the hospital!
Is she on any medication? 99% of the time with vascular they will say an aspirin a day, but do ask the GP or doctors before you do! Ultimately she's had mini TIA's, the aspirin of course thins the blood and helps to keep them at bay a little.
I won't lie, it's tough, very tough at times, but you can only do whats best for your mum, and I have to say I had some right laughs with my dad, his inhibitions went (he was an extremely private man) and in the early stages I probably learnt as much about him as in the previous 40 years, including his fetish for Rachael Riley!
On the water front my dad was difficult at first, so I made up some white lies about his tablets which he would have taken 20 times a day if he could. These 'new' tablets have to be taken with half a glass of water...... 7 tablets later and he needs the toilet
Sorry if i've missed it but is she still at her home? Living alone? You can apply for her for attendance allowance which from memory is about £350 every four weeks, might help if she is home to get a carer popping in a couple of times a day. They also often struggle sleeping and will not necessarily sleep at night, we all know when it's time to eat, time to sleep etc, but those are some of the first sensations to go.
3 points will do, and also a good day for your mum.
CL never ceases to amaze me. There has been a lot of great advice here, people have been very understanding and forthcoming of their own experiences and even offers of being available for a chat. There isn’t another football forum like it in the world. We may moan and bitch about the football side of things with the best of them but boy are we are helpful, caring, understanding bunch. Long may that continue.
@Rob7Lee is so right, trying to persuade your Mum/Dad to drink more is the most important thing, but SO hard to achieve. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes if you can get you parent to drink more - it has a huge effect on the ability to recall and be “with it”. Hope all goes well @charltonbob - we’re very lucky to have such a supportive forum, I know that I have benefited greatly from the support of “virtual” strangers
Are her words confused? i.e. generally with Alzheimer's people still will talk perfectly sensible sentences (as in the words and structure all make sense), with vascular you will start to see words get very jumbled.
It also sounds like quite a sudden onset? Did she get better, get sent home, got worse and went back in?
Going to sound strange, but make sure she drinks lots, lots of water, i've seen many diagnosed with dementia and it was a urine infection (and early stage dementia).
It was basically like turning a light switch on. She had a fall & I found her on her bedroom floor in her nightdress so had obviously been there all day. I picked her up & put her to bed & she said she was ok, she had a black eye & a bruise to her opposite cheek but other than that seemed ok. The next day she seemed ok, she didn't want to get up but sat on the side of the bed with my GF just looking out in the garden & chatting. The following day she was very drowsy & I called an ambulance, we spent 9 hours just waiting & she had a scan & xrays & finally they found her a bed on a ward & told me that would take her to a side room to transfer her from the trolley to the bed, they pulled the curtain across & that was goodbye to my Mum as I knew her. Within seconds she started screaming, what are you doing to me etc etc so I went in to see what had happened & she shouted a load of abuse at me, something she had never done in her life & that was the start of a different life for her & me. She spent 4 weeks in hospital & then they discharged her as she "wasn't ill" she spent a week at home but one night she was in such terrible stomach pain I had to call an ambulance, it could have been a urinary infection I can't remember now but she spent another 2weeks in hospital & then sent her home again. Haha not strange about lots of water, they told me in hospital about that but getting her to swallow it is another matter.
She's very up & down, she's often very tired & finds it difficult to hold the phone to her ear for very long & at these times she sometimes desperately searches for the words she wants to say & you can hear the frustration in her voice when she can't think of them or sometimes she will just say the wrong word. She doesn't say a lot, I do most of the talking & she will answer as best as she can. On the other hand I spoke about the POA today & briefly said I had to fill out the forms & get a witness to her signature & she followed that apart from asking where she gets the forms from. I also said to her I don't have to do it if you don't want me to, we could let social services deal with it. As clear as daylight she said No! I don't want them to do it I want you to do it. I just wish there had been a witness there. Thanks for posting have a good weekend & lets hope for three points with a Ronnie hat trick
The cognitive assessment tests for dementia that my colleagues used in hospital are pretty simple to follow- the most common is the MoCA - Montreal Cognitive Assessment. It's easy to find on the web and it highlights memory problems. Many elderly people present as being okay but their short term memory and ability to follow instructions will be impaired by the decline.
My mother had a brain scan as part of her diagnosis - seeing a good neurologist will help. Some elderly people have both vascular and Alzheimers but Alzheimers is the most common.
Getting your head around this can be very difficult and you need to get all the support you can. At least it's getting more publicity in the media now.
If anyone on here has any concerns about elderly relatives please don't put things off when it comes to getting a diagnosis. There are drugs such as memantine that may help slow the effects down.
If you look at the cognitive tests it will highlight the sort of questions that people may struggle with which highlight cognitive decline.
I'm glad this thread is getting people sharing info.
Can I the point about acting early. My Mum had alzheimers and lived on her own but I went to the house every weekend to check things. Somebody from the village was paid to come in every day during the week.
Whilst still able she gifted me half of the house and fortunately she lived long enough to mean that when she went into care the council couldn't take the house to pay the cost.
The transfer was worded by a solicitor and had to be witnessed by a neighbour.
What really brought it home to us was visiting my father in law. We used to talk about the same things with him because it gave him pleasure, like making a century in cricket. His football career and the time he played in the desert during the war etc... We would prompt him and he loved telling us the same stories.
One day during a visit, my wife forgot her coat. We got to the bottom of the front doors of the home and she went back to get it. She came down upset with the coat a few minutes later. He saw her return for it and had forgotten we were there just a minute or so earlier. We had been with him for over an hour.
What really brought it home to us was visiting my father in law. We used to talk about the same things with him because it gave him pleasure, like making a century in cricket. His football career and the time he played in the desert during the war etc... We would prompt him and he loved telling us the same stories.
One day during a visit, my wife forgot her coat. We got to the bottom of the front doors of the home and she went back to get it. She came down upset with the coat a few minutes later. He saw her return for it and had forgotten we were there just a minute or so earlier. We had been with him for over an hour.
My mum's memory is about 10secs so by time we have driven away she has forgotten we were there. So it doesn't matter how much we visit her or see her on Alexa it's gone moments later. The building where she is has a restaurant where she has her lunch. They also hold quizes, bingo, coffee mornings, craft etc so she does a lot (she's a people person) but it's all gone a minute later. Covid has stopped all of that. Her dinner is brought to her flat but she hardly eats any of it because she needs others near her doing the same thing. She has plenty of chocolate etc so is never hungry ! She watches the TV but when you can't remember what happened 10 seconds ago, how do you watch a film for example. It must be a truely horrible world she now lives in.
After a bad fall last year my Mother has been diagnosed with Dementia & unable to make complex decisions. Unfortunately although I was dealing with her financial obligations (paying bills, shopping etc) it never occurred to me to apply for Power of Attorney & now it seems it's too late. Her local authority have advised applying for Deputyship, I've had a quick look on the web where the advice from one site is to avoid deputyship as it is very expensive. Does anybody have any advice on this & are there any other options ? Any help/ advice at a very sad & worrying time will be greatly appreciated.
DM me, used to be a Local Authority Deputy and now offer advice to those who are facing the prospect of having to deal with the Court.
I upgraded my POA for a lasting power of attorney as my mum, at 93, didn't want resuscitation in the event of a stroke, or something really serious happening to her. She insisted that we used the 'Family' solicitor and we duly got stitched up for + £700 for not much paperwork. So my advice is to query the costs before you get started.
I'm around if you want to chat, sounds very similar to my father and almost certainly sounds like vascular with the wrong words. Over the space of 6 months I got to know a lot of staff in the hospital!
Is she on any medication? 99% of the time with vascular they will say an aspirin a day, but do ask the GP or doctors before you do! Ultimately she's had mini TIA's, the aspirin of course thins the blood and helps to keep them at bay a little.
I won't lie, it's tough, very tough at times, but you can only do whats best for your mum, and I have to say I had some right laughs with my dad, his inhibitions went (he was an extremely private man) and in the early stages I probably learnt as much about him as in the previous 40 years, including his fetish for Rachael Riley!
On the water front my dad was difficult at first, so I made up some white lies about his tablets which he would have taken 20 times a day if he could. These 'new' tablets have to be taken with half a glass of water...... 7 tablets later and he needs the toilet
Sorry if i've missed it but is she still at her home? Living alone? You can apply for her for attendance allowance which from memory is about £350 every four weeks, might help if she is home to get a carer popping in a couple of times a day. They also often struggle sleeping and will not necessarily sleep at night, we all know when it's time to eat, time to sleep etc, but those are some of the first sensations to go.
3 points will do, and also a good day for your mum.
Thanks Rob, no she's not on any medication that I know of, I will ask them about an aspirin. Yes I've also had very funny moments with my Mum which although sad you have to grab any moment that you can & treasure the moment. In the early days when she was hallucinating quite a lot she looked across the hospital ward & pointed at a woman in the bed & there must have been something behind her head because my Mum started laughing & asked in a loud voice "why has that man got a chicken on his head" Yes I've seen a lot of changes in my Mums personality, for one she's started swearing when previously the worst I ever heard her say in 60+ years was "bloody". The girls at the care home are great & they often tell me when she misbehaves & always say they see & hear it all the time & they know it isn't Mum but the dementia.
It's good that you were able to learn so much about your Dad & have a lot of laughs
I really don't know about the water situation, I always used to try & encourage her when she was at home but now she's in a care home I'm not sure. I know she always has a cup on the table when I visit but how much she actually drinks...... ?
Well we got the 3 points & my Mum was looking well & seemed happy so that's a good day.
@Rob7Lee is so right, trying to persuade your Mum/Dad to drink more is the most important thing, but SO hard to achieve. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes if you can get you parent to drink more - it has a huge effect on the ability to recall and be “with it”. Hope all goes well @charltonbob - we’re very lucky to have such a supportive forum, I know that I have benefited greatly from the support of “virtual” strangers
Thanks addickson, it's at moments like this that you realise what a fantastic bunch of supporters we do have. I'm overwhelmed at the support & advice I've received not just on here but on message as well. I almost feel that I should stop being a miserable bugger when posting about the football ................... but I'll sleep on that one
@Rob7Lee is so right, trying to persuade your Mum/Dad to drink more is the most important thing, but SO hard to achieve. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes if you can get you parent to drink more - it has a huge effect on the ability to recall and be “with it”. Hope all goes well @charltonbob - we’re very lucky to have such a supportive forum, I know that I have benefited greatly from the support of “virtual” strangers
Thanks addickson, it's at moments like this that you realise what a fantastic bunch of supporters we do have. I'm overwhelmed at the support & advice I've received not just on here but on message as well. I almost feel that I should stop being a miserable bugger when posting about the football ................... but I'll sleep on that one
Well we got the three points! and I hope your mum had a comfortable day.
I upgraded my POA for a lasting power of attorney as my mum, at 93, didn't want resuscitation in the event of a stroke, or something really serious happening to her. She insisted that we used the 'Family' solicitor and we duly got stitched up for + £700 for not much paperwork. So my advice is to query the costs before you get started.
Thanks for letting me know, sorry it appears that you were stitched up. Your solicitor, wasn't named farnell was he ? Don't want to rub salt in the wound but you can do it online & as my Mum is receiving housing benefit it's free. There's other reduced options as well but the most you will pay is £82 for Finance & Property & £82 for Health & Welfare. Luckily a couple of people mentioned it on this thread or I would never have known.
Comments
Good luck.
We also got POA for my mum quite early on. You don't have to actually use it - it's just to bit of paper which says you can if you need to.
Mum never really got dementia but as she moved into care homes and eventually died, it was very handy just to be able to say that you had it ready - just in case - even though we did have that password.
In fact a few times they rang me to say he'd been in but couldn't find his card or remember pin but they let him withdraw £30. Theres still a lot of good, helpful, people around.
On a practical note, I would always suggest people should avoid setting up a joint account (and continuing to use it after their loved one had passed away) or to share someone's password details.
The LPA route is, in my opinion, the safest, most secure means of doing what's required, and is the best way to avoid unintended consequences.
It also sounds like quite a sudden onset? Did she get better, get sent home, got worse and went back in?
Going to sound strange, but make sure she drinks lots, lots of water, i've seen many diagnosed with dementia and it was a urine infection (and early stage dementia).
So many suffer urine infections and it appears the dementia has suddenly got a hell of a lot worse. I used to see my dad almost every day, he got used to the fact when I turned up it was tablets and two large glasses of water!
She spent 4 weeks in hospital & then they discharged her as she "wasn't ill" she spent a week at home but one night she was in such terrible stomach pain I had to call an ambulance, it could have been a urinary infection I can't remember now but she spent another 2weeks in hospital & then sent her home again. Haha not strange about lots of water, they told me in hospital about that but getting her to swallow it is another matter.
She's very up & down, she's often very tired & finds it difficult to hold the phone to her ear for very long & at these times she sometimes desperately searches for the words she wants to say & you can hear the frustration in her voice when she can't think of them or sometimes she will just say the wrong word. She doesn't say a lot, I do most of the talking & she will answer as best as she can. On the other hand I spoke about the POA today & briefly said I had to fill out the forms & get a witness to her signature & she followed that apart from asking where she gets the forms from. I also said to her I don't have to do it if you don't want me to, we could let social services deal with it. As clear as daylight she said No! I don't want them to do it I want you to do it. I just wish there had been a witness there. Thanks for posting have a good weekend & lets hope for three points with a Ronnie hat trick
Is she on any medication? 99% of the time with vascular they will say an aspirin a day, but do ask the GP or doctors before you do! Ultimately she's had mini TIA's, the aspirin of course thins the blood and helps to keep them at bay a little.
I won't lie, it's tough, very tough at times, but you can only do whats best for your mum, and I have to say I had some right laughs with my dad, his inhibitions went (he was an extremely private man) and in the early stages I probably learnt as much about him as in the previous 40 years, including his fetish for Rachael Riley!
On the water front my dad was difficult at first, so I made up some white lies about his tablets which he would have taken 20 times a day if he could. These 'new' tablets have to be taken with half a glass of water...... 7 tablets later and he needs the toilet
Sorry if i've missed it but is she still at her home? Living alone? You can apply for her for attendance allowance which from memory is about £350 every four weeks, might help if she is home to get a carer popping in a couple of times a day. They also often struggle sleeping and will not necessarily sleep at night, we all know when it's time to eat, time to sleep etc, but those are some of the first sensations to go.
3 points will do, and also a good day for your mum.
Many elderly people present as being okay but their short term memory and ability to follow instructions will be impaired by the decline.
My mother had a brain scan as part of her diagnosis - seeing a good neurologist will help. Some elderly people have both vascular and Alzheimers but Alzheimers is the most common.
Getting your head around this can be very difficult and you need to get all the support you can. At least it's getting more publicity in the media now.
If anyone on here has any concerns about elderly relatives please don't put things off when it comes to getting a diagnosis. There are drugs such as memantine that may help slow the effects down.
If you look at the cognitive tests it will highlight the sort of questions that people may struggle with which highlight cognitive decline.
I'm glad this thread is getting people sharing info.
Whilst still able she gifted me half of the house and fortunately she lived long enough to mean that when she went into care the council couldn't take the house to pay the cost.
The transfer was worded by a solicitor and had to be witnessed by a neighbour.
One day during a visit, my wife forgot her coat. We got to the bottom of the front doors of the home and she went back to get it. She came down upset with the coat a few minutes later. He saw her return for it and had forgotten we were there just a minute or so earlier. We had been with him for over an hour.
DM me, used to be a Local Authority Deputy and now offer advice to those who are facing the prospect of having to deal with the Court.
Yes I've also had very funny moments with my Mum which although sad you have to grab any moment that you can & treasure the moment. In the early days when she was hallucinating quite a lot she looked across the hospital ward & pointed at a woman in the bed & there must have been something behind her head because my Mum started laughing & asked in a loud voice "why has that man got a chicken on his head"
Yes I've seen a lot of changes in my Mums personality, for one she's started swearing when previously the worst I ever heard her say in 60+ years was "bloody". The girls at the care home are great & they often tell me when she misbehaves & always say they see & hear it all the time & they know it isn't Mum but the dementia.
It's good that you were able to learn so much about your Dad & have a lot of laughs
I really don't know about the water situation, I always used to try & encourage her when she was at home but now she's in a care home I'm not sure. I know she always has a cup on the table when I visit but how much she actually drinks...... ?
Well we got the 3 points & my Mum was looking well & seemed happy so that's a good day.
Don't want to rub salt in the wound but you can do it online & as my Mum is receiving housing benefit it's free. There's other reduced options as well but the most you will pay is £82 for Finance & Property & £82 for Health & Welfare. Luckily a couple of people mentioned it on this thread or I would never have known.