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Is there a secret Nigel Adkins?

So, what do we really know about Mr Adkins true character, what is revealed, and what is secretly hidden?

Allow me to examine the evidence.

I have not sent a hair sample away for DNA analysis. However, Mr Adkins has left the scrap of a clue to get us started. I ought to say at this point – you can run, Nige, but you can’t hide. There is evidence out there, and I am referring to this:

Yes, a scrap of handwriting to analyse, which I intend to do with the aid of these trusty tomes:

Now some may say graphology is cod (or should I say haddock?) science, but one starting point is to consider the degree of science involved compared to astrology.

At first I thought there may be something in astrology, until a doctor doing an intimate examination on me asked, “What star sign are you, Mr Seth?”. I replied, “Does it matter?”. The doc then said, “I have to tell you, Seth, that you have Mercury rising in Uranus.”

I mean, they never have astrologers appearing in court as an expert witness, do they?

“M’lud, no way could my client have committed the crime,” said Maha Vishnu QC, “as it is definitely not something she would do, as she is a Leo, and the Moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter was aligned with Mars at the time of the offence.”


They call handwriting experts into court, don’t they? Scoff as much as you like.

It is true (according to the books) that the best sample of handwriting to analyse is joined up writing with a ball point on plain unlined paper. However, in the case of Mr Adkins, we don’t have the paradigm sample. Mind you, that paucity of detail never put off Nikki Alexander, and it won’t put off me! 

Indeed, I always knew I had a talent in this area when in the office with a colleague they picked up a Fulgor Nocturnus from the floor as asked: “Is this pen yours?’ I said “Give us it for a mo,”, and wrote out my name and address on a Post-It note. “Yep, it’s my pen all right,” I said. “How do you know?”, enquired my colleague. “Because that’s my handwriting,” I answered.

I knew then I had a talent for handwriting analysis as I tucked the Fulgor away in my inside pocket.

I mean everybody has different handwriting, right? Yet there are only twelve star signs. Which tells us more? That Mr Adkins is Pisces, or his writing is personal?

It might help to outline a few basics before returning to Mr Adkins’ note. When looking at handwriting, the most useful questions to answer are these:

·     What is the context?

·     How does it slope?

·     How does it lean?

·     What are the spaces like between words?

·     How much pressure has been applied?

·     Are there consistent kinks in certain letters?

·     What does the writing of individual letters tell us?

For example, what does the book say about Mr Adkins’ Es?

What about those Ms?

Is the signature significant?

It is actually possible to trawl for Mr Adkins’ autograph, but the book tells us that signatures are more about how a person wishes to present themselves, rather than who they really are deep down. Indeed, I once asked that famous star of Forrest Gump for his autograph, and he was so nice he simply wrote “Thanks”.

The optimum analysis is when some writing is presented, and you know nothing more. However, the context of the piece, and what we know about the outward Nigel Adkins, can’t entirely be ignored in this case.

Well, I have researched the references, looked at the scrap of evidence, and based on what I know so far, I can say the truth about Mr Adkins is that most of his characteristics revealed in this scrap of writing are very positive.

Certain letter formations repeatedly indicate manual dexterity, especially the Rs. I suppose the manual dexterity of a goalkeeper caressing balls, became the same dexterity as a physiotherapist caressing balls… of the feet! (Behave!) The spacing between words indicate generosity and a willingness to collaborate. That quality is evident between the individual letters, with the exception of the word ‘are’, which being quickly and fiercely written, indicates a self-belief. There are a few very minor features that point towards a certainty, even arrogance, but that is more that balanced by other features, and within that, possibly a slight naivety that others will share the same aspirations.

The third bullet point, which is sloping slightly down, indicates a sadness – pretty obvious, as it is Mr Adkins’ final message. Mr Adkins has decided that after intelligent analysis, you have to have faith in others at some point, and then hope for the best.

The Hs indicate a calmness and self-control, the Ms indicate an affectionate and aware personality, and the ‘Greek’ Es are an openness to aspects of culture (he quotes poetry after all, so this reinforces that). Given the generally refined nature of Mr Adkins from this handwriting analysis, I don’t think it will lead him to doing a Bez tribute performance fronting Mr Sandgaard’s rock band at the Sheffield Wednesday game. The Ps indicate a desire for authority and a visual aptitude.

I am waiting to hear back from David Hockney regarding the artwork at the end of the note. I think we can be pretty sure it isn’t a Van Gogh original… two ears, see!

Overall, it looks as if what you see with Mr Adkins is what you get. His generosity, kindly attitude, and emotional internal resources demonstrated outwardly, is what he is like inwardly. He has skill, and intelligence when approaching the issues of life, and if there is a secret side, it is that he is confident about the rightness of his decision making and aggrieved if others don’t see that. However, he hides and controls any irritation and negativity.

My conclusion, based on this haddock science, is that Mr Adkins is a good and genuine bloke and is not of the Pardew-esque self-serving kind of manager. I think we are fortunate to have such a decent person at our football club, but even the good guys need to win games.



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