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Embarrassing moments in public

RodneyCharltonTrotta
RodneyCharltonTrotta Posts: 14,827
edited November 2022 in Fun, Jokes & Captions
I've just unintentionally terrified everyone on my train carriage.

 I googled a quote my mate sent me ("Why us sarge"?) in a message in reference to our anticlimax cup draw and it was from the film Zulu.

So I clicked on  the following video link which came up to watch the scene.

Except unknowingly i hadn't connected my Bluetooth headphones so at a really loud volume it went "You're all going to die!!!" 


Panicked and rapidly turned it off so they didn't even get context of following dialogue. Just "You're all going to die!!!" blaring out from me. 

https://youtu.be/HUq8gXhI0y8

Normally can't watch a YouTube video without effing adverts but oh no let's not bother this time and stitch this muppet up on his commute.

Few nervous looks and now an atmosphere in my carriage for rest of my one plus hour journey. Ffs.
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Comments

  • Essex_Al
    Essex_Al Posts: 3,582
    We live in Spain now, a couple of weeks back we visited the local market taking our little dog with us.

    We met a lady we knew and stood there chatting with her, all of a sudden I looked down and saw the dog taking an almighty diarrhoea shite right in the middle of the walk way! Blind panic in how I was going to deal with it, not helped with some bloke walking past shouting 'good luck picking that up mate'!

    The lady walked away holding her nose whilst I had to stand over this pile of shite with loads of people trying to get past, whilst my wife frantically looked around for something to clear it all up!

    Total embarrassment!


  • LennyLowrent
    LennyLowrent Posts: 2,705
    How's the dog feeling now?
  • RodneyCharltonTrotta
    RodneyCharltonTrotta Posts: 14,827
    LennyLowrent said:
    How's the dog feeling now?
    He didn't give a shit.
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,587
    LennyLowrent said:
    How's the dog feeling now?
    Ruff
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,587
    My wife was queueing at a supermarket till with our daughter (who would have been about 5 at the time). Daughter was wandering about and suddenly shouted "Mummy, there's a man dressed as a lady here". My wife went cold and didn't know where to look. Daughter then showed her a DVD of Mrs Brown's Boys that she'd picked up from the rack. 
  • LennyLowrent
    LennyLowrent Posts: 2,705
    My mate Philip once walked into a bistro in a southern french village.
    In his effort to blend with the local Rugby players looking farmers he decided to get on the front foot and order food confidently in his developing french.  
    'j'ai faim' (I am hungry) he thought he declared to the bewildered man behind the counter. 
    What actually came out was: 
    'Je suis une femme' (I am a woman...)
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,827
    My dad took me to the dentist where I was being put out to have a tooth out.
    I had a bit of upset stomach in the morning and when coming round in the dentist chair I announced to everyone 'well I didn't shit myself' and then when my dad was paying for the procedure, I was crouching behind the reception desk and jumping up and saying 'boo' to people who were coming into the reception area.

    I was 29....
  • EugenesAxe
    EugenesAxe Posts: 3,281
    Being a Charlton supporter sometimes…
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  • EugenesAxe
    EugenesAxe Posts: 3,281
    When Thomas was walking round the pitch playing the guitar…
  • Lordflashheart
    Lordflashheart Posts: 5,619
    Our previous dog, Scooby - we took him for a walk and then we went to a country pub for a few beers - being an English Springer Spaniel, he loved the water, and had been happily swimming about in the river - at the pub, we sat outside on a patio table - Scooby was laying down next to me, his lead tied to the patio table - it was a fairly long lead….

    A family of 4 were sat on the table next to us, and had ordered food, which duly arrived - they were saying how lovely Scooby was just before their food arrived, and their 2 young kids were patting him etc - they start to eat their food, at which point Scooby stood up, cocked his leg against their patio table, and deposited what I can only describe as the dog piss equivalent of the European Wine Lake all over the leg of their table, and of course under it - he must have pissed for well over a minute

    We didn’t finish our pints and left after apologising profusely 

    Scooby looked mighty pleased with himself 😃
  • Algarveaddick
    Algarveaddick Posts: 21,140
    DamoNorthStand said:
    I direct you to my story below taking directly from the famous Needing to go for a Barry thread from a few years back. My arsehole is giving post traumatic twitches at the memory:

    Jesus Christ - after the afternoon I have had, this thread was the first thing to come to mind. Along with wondering if I will ever regain control of my sphincter.

    Walking to a meeting with a colleague this afternoon and all seemed fine and well with the world. That’s until I walked round the corner onto the road where the clients office is and my stomach cramped, the tell tale bubbles moving in a downward direction, and the rapid realisation that I was in dire need of the biggest evacuation since the Titanic hit that berg.

    My colleague looked at me in consternation as I bent over double; I am relatively new in the company so haven’t yet reached the poo comfort zone. As such I made up the most bollox excuse ever - stating I had just come over a bit faint.

    As he came over in concern and suggested I sit down for a while, he then looked even more confused as I slapped him out the way before sprinting at breakneck speed back towards the sanctuary of the bogs at Kings Cross station 5 mins walk back. At this point I had a build up of liquid shit so extreme, I had enough thrust stored up to make me the first man on mars this side of Christmas. 

    So I legged it and haven’t spoken to him since.

    Of course the last thing on my mind was getting my 30p ready, so when I came storming in hot to the gents and the old lady at the gate asked for my 30p - I fucked that request right off by barrel rolling over the top of the gates (accidentally kicking off a kids glasses from his head as he was coming back through he other way).

    I am pretty sure it was at that moment that the first dribble came out but thank fuck there was a spare cubicle.

    I charged in to it with my belt buckle already coming undone - and the faint awareness that the kids father was coming after me questioning why I had almost taken his son out by going all Andy McNab on my way in. 

    Think they were soon left in no doubt as to my predicament as I flew onto the khazi and launched an eruption that would have resembled Vesuvius had Willy Wonka turned it into an extension of his wonderful chocolate factory.

    And as if it couldn’t get any worse, the door hadn’t locked in my rush. As I sat sweating and convulsed over the bog- the door swung slowly outward (it was the disabled cubicle) to reveal a pissed dad, son with glasses cracked, tutting cleaner. 

    Oh and a guy in a wheelchair asking if I would be long.

    Just the time for my poorly arse to squelch a secondary shitty fart into the pan.

    Surely Patel-gate is a walk in the park after that?  :D

    Both me and the missus are in pain with laughter by the way...   
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    Remember having a deadline for handing in a essay at university, and telling all my flatmates that I desperately had to hand it in and to remind me to bring it with me. Half way to university I told my flatmates that I had in fact.forgotten my essey. Very embarrassing and how they all laughed when I trudged back to get it. 

    They joked about it the rest of the day.

    But that was fine... I had the essay all along but took a calculated risk on the embarrassment front... Real reason I had to go home is because I'd shit myself
  • ricky_otto
    ricky_otto Posts: 22,600
    edited November 2022
    Not me, but somebody I know. His dog escaped and he ran after it. After a couple of mins of chasing it the dog ran in to a cemetery, and straight towards a burial that was going on, the coffin had been lowered, the dog jumped straight in the hole and on top of it and proceeded to jump in and out a couple of times - my mate just turned his back and waited for the dog to come back. 
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    My uncle's dog likes to roll in poo, and had managed to combine this with a nice swim in a pond as well. It then ran off down a long, straight country path to a family, who all petted it and got covered. Uncle said the walk down the path towards the cack-covered family was the longest of his life.
  • usetobunkin
    usetobunkin Posts: 2,179
    My good mate told me this story, i will let you judge it for " believeability".

    My friend had met a stunning looking girl, and was taking things slow and casual with the aim of 
    bedding the girl and putting on a bravo performance.

    They met for a third date and decided to go for a curry. A few drinks before the meal had been imbibed and things were looking good. The girl was definatley interested and when she told my friend
    she was wearing stockings he nearly blew his top then and there. with they curry eaten and cab ordered they decided to go to the young ladies flat. 
    By this time both participants were equally  excited and couuld not wait to arrive a her flat. 

    They got caught a some in traffic due to the Blackwall tunnel being shut, however this only added to the anticipation of the forthcomming event,

    HOWEVER my friend now needed to empty his bowels and was holding not only an erection but stiffing farts and his spintcher. They arrive at the flat and my friend says he whishes to use the bathroom to freshen up. The young lady now naked apart from her underwear directs him into the en-suite toilet.

    Not wishing for her to hear the "splash" of said  aboultions he lifts the seat and out of toilet paper makes a makeshift sling to catch his deposit and then lower it into the bowl silently, all goes well until he look back to see if the sling has worked. It has, but at this point his hand slips the sling is now a catapault and his semi liquid turd is hurled out of the pan into his CK pants onto his Chino troursers, 
    and her bathroom rug. 
    A knock at the door asked "Are you OK?"   To which he replies " can you give me a minute"

    After about 10 mins of trying to clean up as best he could, he came out from the toilet with the moment toally gone, he made his excuses and left, never to see the young lady again.
  • JohnBoyUK
    JohnBoyUK Posts: 9,017
    Well, thats a first for me, I've never heard or known of a shit sling before!!!



  • johnnybev1987
    johnnybev1987 Posts: 11,410
    I went to a chinese on lunch with my cousin years ago in Croydon, i go to pay (wearing joggers). Yes you guessed it as i paid my cousin whipped my trousers down, also got my boxers and stood on them too whilst i was trying to pay. What a little treat for everyone, thankfully it was only half full... 

    He has done this on a few occasions with family or on the high street, i really need to stop wearing joggers... 
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,587
    johnnybev1987 said:
    I went to a chinese on lunch with my cousin years ago in Croydon, i go to pay (wearing joggers). Yes you guessed it as i paid my cousin whipped my trousers down, also got my boxers and stood on them too whilst i was trying to pay. What a little treat for everyone, thankfully it was only half full... 

    He has done this on a few occasions with family or on the high street, i really need to stop wearing joggers... 
    Your pants?
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  • Stu_of_Kunming
    Stu_of_Kunming Posts: 17,116
    edited November 2022
    Mine is similar to Rodney’s, but so, so much worse.

    Roughly 7 years ago I worked for a large education company and was one of 10 or so foreign managers, we were at a national conference with the other 60 or so local managers. The entire thing was in Chinese and my level was nowhere near good enough to keep up, so me and my mate Carl basically switched off, chatting quietly and playing on our phones. 

    I opened a video in WeChat (chinese WhatsApp) it was totally silent so I hadn’t realised how loud my phone was set, about 40seconds in the most outrageous sex noises started blaring out of my phone, in a country where porn is illegal. Luckily I think I managed to get “wtf are you doing Carl”out quick enough.

    later than night we get kicked out of the swimming pool in the 5* hotel for being shit faced and Carl was smoking in the pool, as we went up in the lobby, holding carrier bags of booze in bath robes I asked how funny would it be if Peng (the ceo) saw us like this. 

    Lift doors open and who’s standing right there, yep, Mr CEO, luckily he took it really well and said he was glad we were all having a good time. 

    We also got a 1,000 RMB fine for smoking in our non smoking room (it was Carl, honest) that went straight on the company bill. We both lived in Kunming, it wasn’t uncommon to see people smoking in hospitals back then, little did we know, in Shenzhen no smoking means exactly that. 

    I left the company in September, so I guess he really didn’t mind. 

    Fun times. 
  • Indianaaddick
    Indianaaddick Posts: 2,965
    When I was a young lad  I used to jump off the bus at the corner of the Equitable building instead of waiting for it to come to a full stop in General Gordon Square.
    Well one day the obvious happened and I misjudged and did a full faceplate on the pavement, just as the crowd was coming over to see if I was ok some with comments like "I seen him go" a Bobby came over to ask if I was ok and said "I am betting you won't try that stunt again" a painful lesson learned.
  • JohnBoyUK
    JohnBoyUK Posts: 9,017
    One thing will always stand out for me...above all others.
    I posted this in the 'ever got caught getting jiggy' thread from 3-4 years ago...

    "I remember flat-sitting for my brother when he went off to Glastonbury many years ago.  I'd been introduced to this new lass through one of my friends at work.  She was bloody lovely and was one of the fittest lasses I'd ever even spoken to let alone done anything else with up to that point.  So, invited her over to spend some time with me in the flat.  One thing led to another and off we went to the bedroom.

    Now nothing can ever prepare you for the first time you encounter a 'Norris McWhirter'.  Jesus F Christ.  Up until that point, I thought I'd seen everything.  I may has well have dropped the bed into the deep end at Crook Log for how soaking wet it bloody was.  After we'd finished, I was in a blind panic.  How the hell could I cover my tracks?  There was no google on your phone then to work out how to switch the washing machine on, or the tumble drier in them days.  I still lived at home with my parents and I had never switched on a washing machine in my life.  So, in my wisdom, I made her strip the bed and put the washing machine on.  I drove her home but was still bricking it.  I went back the next day with a hair dryer, to try and dry out the mattress.  I ended up dragging the mattress out on the balcony for 24hrs and that seemed to have done the trick.   Brother came back day after and I thought I'd got away with it until he threw her knickers at me a couple of days later which were stuffed down the back of the sofa.

    And yes, sadly, I never saw her again after that night...top tip gents, don't ask them how to use a washing machine before you've barely finished the post-coital cigarette.'

    Oh the joys of dating.


  • Lordflashheart
    Lordflashheart Posts: 5,619
    Not me, but I witnessed it….

    Early 1990’s white Levi jeans were all the rage - me and my mates went to Cafe de Paris for a dance music event - one of my mates had white Levi’s on - one of my other mates let off a ripper of a fart, that absolutely stank - my mate with the white Levi’s on said that he had a big fart brewing, and he would out stink the first fart (puerile I know, but we were young and idiotic) - anyway he lets out this ripper, and indeed it stank - just after he farted, a tune came on that he really liked, and he headed out of the bar area to go and dance, to reveal to us a large brown stain on the arse of his jeans - did we tell him, did we fuck - he only found out after about 10 minutes when a girl dancing near him said she could smell shit 🤣🤣
  • stockportaddick
    stockportaddick Posts: 1,128
    JohnBoyUK said:
    One thing will always stand out for me...above all others.
    I posted this in the 'ever got caught getting jiggy' thread from 3-4 years ago...

    "I remember flat-sitting for my brother when he went off to Glastonbury many years ago.  I'd been introduced to this new lass through one of my friends at work.  She was bloody lovely and was one of the fittest lasses I'd ever even spoken to let alone done anything else with up to that point.  So, invited her over to spend some time with me in the flat.  One thing led to another and off we went to the bedroom.

    Now nothing can ever prepare you for the first time you encounter a 'Norris McWhirter'.  Jesus F Christ.  Up until that point, I thought I'd seen everything.  I may has well have dropped the bed into the deep end at Crook Log for how soaking wet it bloody was.  After we'd finished, I was in a blind panic.  How the hell could I cover my tracks?  There was no google on your phone then to work out how to switch the washing machine on, or the tumble drier in them days.  I still lived at home with my parents and I had never switched on a washing machine in my life.  So, in my wisdom, I made her strip the bed and put the washing machine on.  I drove her home but was still bricking it.  I went back the next day with a hair dryer, to try and dry out the mattress.  I ended up dragging the mattress out on the balcony for 24hrs and that seemed to have done the trick.   Brother came back day after and I thought I'd got away with it until he threw her knickers at me a couple of days later which were stuffed down the back of the sofa.

    And yes, sadly, I never saw her again after that night...top tip gents, don't ask them how to use a washing machine before you've barely finished the post-coital cigarette.'

    Oh the joys of dating.


    I’ll probably regret asking this, but what on earth is a ‘Norris mcwhirter’
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    Rhymes with "squirter"
  • Lordflashheart
    Lordflashheart Posts: 5,619
    stockportaddick said:
    JohnBoyUK said:
    One thing will always stand out for me...above all others.
    I posted this in the 'ever got caught getting jiggy' thread from 3-4 years ago...

    "I remember flat-sitting for my brother when he went off to Glastonbury many years ago.  I'd been introduced to this new lass through one of my friends at work.  She was bloody lovely and was one of the fittest lasses I'd ever even spoken to let alone done anything else with up to that point.  So, invited her over to spend some time with me in the flat.  One thing led to another and off we went to the bedroom.

    Now nothing can ever prepare you for the first time you encounter a 'Norris McWhirter'.  Jesus F Christ.  Up until that point, I thought I'd seen everything.  I may has well have dropped the bed into the deep end at Crook Log for how soaking wet it bloody was.  After we'd finished, I was in a blind panic.  How the hell could I cover my tracks?  There was no google on your phone then to work out how to switch the washing machine on, or the tumble drier in them days.  I still lived at home with my parents and I had never switched on a washing machine in my life.  So, in my wisdom, I made her strip the bed and put the washing machine on.  I drove her home but was still bricking it.  I went back the next day with a hair dryer, to try and dry out the mattress.  I ended up dragging the mattress out on the balcony for 24hrs and that seemed to have done the trick.   Brother came back day after and I thought I'd got away with it until he threw her knickers at me a couple of days later which were stuffed down the back of the sofa.

    And yes, sadly, I never saw her again after that night...top tip gents, don't ask them how to use a washing machine before you've barely finished the post-coital cigarette.'

    Oh the joys of dating.


    I’ll probably regret asking this, but what on earth is a ‘Norris mcwhirter’
    Squirter as in lady juice…..
  • stockportaddick
    stockportaddick Posts: 1,128
    ffs, never heard that before lol
  • JohnBoyUK
    JohnBoyUK Posts: 9,017
    stockportaddick said:
    I’ll probably regret asking this, but what on earth is a ‘Norris mcwhirter’
    Google when you get home, not in front of the wife and NOT in the office!!!

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