Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
I recommend you don't say that, she won't find it funny and will remember it forever.
You need to practise your speech as many times as possible before the big day. I've had a few speeches to deliver over the years and I've always been nervous but trust me if you read it enough beforehand it will be much easier when the time comes.
Hi @AdTheAddicK, for mine I picked a mate to help me out - not the writing bit - but in the event that I got nervous/emotional, or got lost in my train of thought. We pre-arranged that if I looked at him I was expecting a look back from him, a nod, something, for however long it took just between us to help me re-focus. Obviously, that had to be someone further out in the room, not sat next to me! He ended up helping me out a few times.
For the speech - I was late to writing mine, too. With the seating plan in hand, I figured out a very brief anecdote or a thank you (it was mostly thank yous), to say about someone, or people, on a number of tables around the room. Very easy to write, very easy to remember. On the day I just looked around the room and said what I had to, the people's faces were my speech notes and running order. I started with people to my right (dad, mum, best man), then went around the room anti-clockwise, then finished up with the people to my left (inlaws and wife-to-be). I guess the main takeaway from this is I used the seating plan as my starting point, and with it plotted my way through both writing the speech and delivering it. I did a few practice sessions too, saying it out loud to myself. Keep it all very simple, and as everyone says, everyone will want you to do well and the best man has the pressure.
Anyway, there's my 2 pence worth. Oh, and I missed Shrewsbury too, but at home!
I’ve done all three ‘major’ speeches at weddings and groom is relatively easy. As others have said, no need for stories, thank everyone, make sure you reference “my wife”, and keep if short and snappy.
For delivery, I’ve also done a few presentations to 100’s of people - personally I couldn’t do the naked thing, I always either look over everyone’s head or try and defocus my eyes so I don’t ‘see’ individuals
Bottom line. Everything will be fine. Enjoy
(we’ve just celebrated 30th anniversary - hope you do as well 😀)
I think the naked thing is a load of old bollocks.
As someone who's done quite a lot of public speaking, and MC'd quite a few of my mates weddings, I have simple advise.
-Write down key words, not long sentences. The key word will jog your memory to speak of that topic. And you won't be looking down all the time at the paper.
-note down names you wish to thank, you won't believe how many times the mind goes blank with names when speaking, including the bride!!
- Take your time, you may think you're standing there for an eternity, but trust me you're not. A nice, slow deep breath between subjects will settle you and they won't notice the pause.
- Most of the room with be at least half way to pissed so they won't care if you make a mistake!! Don't stress, they won't care so neither should you.
-If you can, practice a few times to a mate, or yourself, it'll feel more comfortable repeating the speech on the day.
- Finally, speak from the heart. Tell your wife WHY you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. Tell her HOW she makes you feel. If you can, give an example of your most treasured moment or time together.
I get you're bricking it mate, but this is going to be one of the greatest days of your life, so my most important bit of advise is to enjoy every minute of it, without the worry of speaking.
There's no wrong way to do this, it's all good, what you do will be from you and she's marrying you for you.
I wrote mine entirely on the day of my wedding... Worked for me but I wouldn't recommend it.
I would definitely prepare something and know that everyone in the room is willing you to succeed.
As above, maybe put it on cards as a way to slowing down... plus if the beat man is going after your speech then he will probably be more nervous then you... and by putting yours on cards you can pause half way, say you have lost some of the cards so are ending there... wait till he is standing up then leap back up, say you have found the rest and carry on, leaving him in bits (happened at a wedding I went to and the poor best man really was in bits).
I'm getting married this Saturday, and have to do a speech, last time I did a speech was in school when I had to read a passage from Hamlet. It went terribly my heart was racing, sweating and my bottom lip started doing the macarena.
Literally all I can think about. Anyone got any tips? Dr has recommended beta blockers has anyone tried these?
Blimey mate you're leaving it late Just look online there's loads of stuff on there. Don't talk about past girl friends. It might go down well with your mates but it might piss off the wife to be a tad
Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
I recommend you don't say that, she won't find it funny and will remember it forever.
Just remember you'll never have a better audience for a speech than at a wedding. Everyone is on your side and wants you to do well. Everyone is doing their best to enjoy the day and is in a great mood. They all want to laugh, cry, etc.. and they're not 'judging' any of the speakers like they might be at another event. The best way to think about it is that the audience are totally in your hands, not the other way around.
Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
All jokes aside mate, the groom’s speech is an easy one. Just thank the right people, say the bride looks lovely and get out of dodge. I’ve done a couple of best man speeches and they’re more stressful with your mates looking at you expecting you to be funny.
The toughest one I did though was when I gave my sister away 6 months after our dad had died. Just about kept it together and even managed to crack a couple of jokes which helped.
At school I was given a small part in a play set and spoken in 17th century verse. My line was “I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope.” Nerves set in and to my lasting embarrassment I somehow managed to blurt out. ”I have come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap.”🫣
Me thinks you are leading us up the garden path with that one, that's as old as the hills but funny none the less
Wish I’d written mine down, it was cringeworthy to say the least. Don’t think @golfaddick’s best mans speech was any better, even in 1987 he was moaning about the lack of a decent goalscorer !
My advice: Don't take beta blockers! I'm assuming you don't have serious heart problems. A moderate amount of alcohol will relax you better than beta blockers.
Don't say something along the lines of: "This is one of the happiest days of my life! It's right up there with the 1998 and 2019 playoff finals!".
Google "advice on a groom's wedding speech". Prepare your speech well in advance and practice in front of a mirror.
Congratulations and good luck!
He's getting married saturday & by the sound of things he's not even started yet
Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
I recommend you don't say that, she won't find it funny and will remember it forever.
Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
Seriously mate, I understand how & why you're bricking it but afterwards you'll be thinking what was the fuss about ? You don't have to have funny stories etc just thank a few people (don't forget your wife) call a toast, sit down & take the piss out of your best man ......... oh Congratulations by the way
I wrote mine heavily on the day of my wedding... Worked for me but I wouldn't recommend it.
I would definitely prepare something and know that everyone in the room is willing you to succeed.
As above, maybe put it on cards as a way to slowing down... plus if the groom is going after your speech then he will probably be more nervous then you... and by putting yours on cards you can pause half way, say you have lost some of the cards so are ending there... wait till he is standing up then leap back up, say you have found the rest and carry on, leaving him in bits (happened at a wedding I went to and the poor best man really was in bits).
??? that would be bigamy & must be some kind of record to be marrying someones bride on the same day she married her beloved
You say you’re bricking it but only you know to what extent.
I suspect the vast majority of people offering advice don’t suffer from anxiety so probably don’t comprehend (luckily for them!) the levels of impact beyond general levels of nervousness.
Everyone is different and have their own coping mechanisms. Number one for me if you are that nervous is keep it as short as possible allowing to include the key things you want included. And then practice that till you are comfortable .
The second would be to section it and create natural breaks to take a deep breath and reset. You can only really do that three ways; toasts, jokes that get laughs, heartfelt comments that get an emotive ‘aaah’. All three buy you a few seconds that help. If you’re not a natural joke teller then don’t try being something that you’re not. There’s loads to steal online (a very simple one is to pick on a mate / uncle who most people know and use them for a cheap laugh - lots of people have traveled far and wide to be here today, Pat & Jon have flown over from Cork, Vera has traveled up from Somerset, and none of us know what planet Pete here has come from)
Thirdly - Have a plan A and a Plan B. If your Plan A is to work off prompt cards, also have a Plan B with every single word wrote out and to hand incase you blank, can’t concentrate and need to read something verbatin. Or If your Plan A is to have a 4-5 min speech, have a contingency scaled down 1-2 min one that still has the important toast and thank you’s in but know you’ve got a quick exit to hand.
Good luck mate. If reducing what you’re going to say reduces down your worry, then take that approach. Remember beyond everything it’s a day to enjoy so make sure you do.
Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
Not sure I would be brave enough with that quote, might end up with a difficult few days ....
Thank you all for your kind words. I can't wait to marry the love of my life. My speech will be short and sweet, with a lot of thank yous.
I think I'll pass on the line tho 😅.
Many people say best way to overcome is just do public speaking, however as a self employed plumber that's hard to come by.
Absolutely bricking it.
Hoping we beat Shrewsbury at the weekend, as I will say " today is the best day of my life, not every day we go to Wales and pick up 3 points " so corny I know.
Not sure I would be brave enough with that quote, might end up with a difficult few days ....
You say you’re bricking it but only you know to what extent.
I suspect the vast majority of people offering advice don’t suffer from anxiety so probably don’t comprehend (luckily for them!) the levels of impact beyond general levels of nervousness.
Everyone is different and have their own coping mechanisms. Number one for me if you are that nervous is keep it as short as possible allowing to include the key things you want included. And then practice that till you are comfortable .
The second would be to section it and create natural breaks to take a deep breath and reset. You can only really do that three ways; toasts, jokes that get laughs, heartfelt comments that get an emotive ‘aaah’. All three buy you a few seconds that help. If you’re not a natural joke teller then don’t try being something that you’re not. There’s loads to steal online (a very simple one is to pick on a mate / uncle who most people know and use them for a cheap laugh - lots of people have traveled far and wide to be here today, Pat & Jon have flown over from Cork, Vera has traveled up from Somerset, and none of us know what planet Pete here has come from)
Thirdly - Have a plan A and a Plan B. If your Plan A is to work off prompt cards, also have a Plan B with every single word wrote out and to hand incase you blank, can’t concentrate and need to read something verbatin. Or If your Plan A is to have a 4-5 min speech, have a contingency scaled down 1-2 min one that still has the important toast and thank you’s in but know you’ve got a quick exit to hand.
Good luck mate. If reducing what you’re going to say reduces down your worry, then take that approach. Remember beyond everything it’s a day to enjoy so make sure you do.
I appreciate everyone's help. My fight or flight response is extreme and I get every possible symptom. I think reducing this down to a bare minimum but thanking the right parties and thanking my wife to be is the best way.
I don't think humour will work, although that simpsons video above is hilarious.
I do like the idea of prompt cards and might dive into that a bit more. But have my written speech there and ready.
If it's causing this much anxiety, do you need to give a speech? It's your wedding. If you and your wife are happy for there not to be a groom's speech, there doesn't need to be one.
If you feel you have to do one, then there's great advice above. Keep it short and sweet - just the thank yous. No one will care if it's only a minute or two long. Practice it loads, preferably until you have it off by heart, but still have some cards with prompts on in case. Practice standing with confident body language - there's an element of faking it until you make it with these sort of things. Talk more loudly than you think you need to and more slowly than you think you need to, and pause for a second before sitting down afterwards (when you're nervous you have a subconscious desire to get it over with as quickly as possible, so can end up mumbling, rushing and sitting down as you speak the final words).
As others have said, everyone there is there because they love you. They want the day to go well. And, in the nicest possible way, no one will even remember the groom's speech five minutes after it's happened!
Try to enjoy the day as much as you can, and try not to let the speech overshadow everything. Best of luck, and congratulations to you both.
Comments
Very poor planning.
One last piece of advice.
For the speech - I was late to writing mine, too. With the seating plan in hand, I figured out a very brief anecdote or a thank you (it was mostly thank yous), to say about someone, or people, on a number of tables around the room. Very easy to write, very easy to remember. On the day I just looked around the room and said what I had to, the people's faces were my speech notes and running order. I started with people to my right (dad, mum, best man), then went around the room anti-clockwise, then finished up with the people to my left (inlaws and wife-to-be). I guess the main takeaway from this is I used the seating plan as my starting point, and with it plotted my way through both writing the speech and delivering it. I did a few practice sessions too, saying it out loud to myself. Keep it all very simple, and as everyone says, everyone will want you to do well and the best man has the pressure.
Anyway, there's my 2 pence worth. Oh, and I missed Shrewsbury too, but at home!
I think the naked thing is a load of old bollocks.
-Write down key words, not long sentences. The key word will jog your memory to speak of that topic. And you won't be looking down all the time at the paper.
-note down names you wish to thank, you won't believe how many times the mind goes blank with names when speaking, including the bride!!
- Take your time, you may think you're standing there for an eternity, but trust me you're not. A nice, slow deep breath between subjects will settle you and they won't notice the pause.
- Most of the room with be at least half way to pissed so they won't care if you make a mistake!! Don't stress, they won't care so neither should you.
-If you can, practice a few times to a mate, or yourself, it'll feel more comfortable repeating the speech on the day.
- Finally, speak from the heart. Tell your wife WHY you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. Tell her HOW she makes you feel. If you can, give an example of your most treasured moment or time together.
I get you're bricking it mate, but this is going to be one of the greatest days of your life, so my most important bit of advise is to enjoy every minute of it, without the worry of speaking.
There's no wrong way to do this, it's all good, what you do will be from you and she's marrying you for you.
Good luck pal and congratulations!! 🍻
I would definitely prepare something and know that everyone in the room is willing you to succeed.
As above, maybe put it on cards as a way to slowing down... plus if the beat man is going after your speech then he will probably be more nervous then you... and by putting yours on cards you can pause half way, say you have lost some of the cards so are ending there... wait till he is standing up then leap back up, say you have found the rest and carry on, leaving him in bits (happened at a wedding I went to and the poor best man really was in bits).
Everyone is different and have their own coping mechanisms. Number one for me if you are that nervous is keep it as short as possible allowing to include the key things you want included. And then practice that till you are comfortable .
Thirdly - Have a plan A and a Plan B. If your Plan A is to work off prompt cards, also have a Plan B with every single word wrote out and to hand incase you blank, can’t concentrate and need to read something verbatin. Or If your Plan A is to have a 4-5 min speech, have a contingency scaled down 1-2 min one that still has the important toast and thank you’s in but know you’ve got a quick exit to hand.
I gave my first groom’s speech when I was 23 years old. The second time around at 49 years old. I think I was more relaxed the second time!
Use chatGPT for the boring/framing bits and adapt it
Don't make it too long (3-6 minutes)
Remember that everyone there will be behind you and want you to succeed
I don't think humour will work, although that simpsons video above is hilarious.
I do like the idea of prompt cards and might dive into that a bit more. But have my written speech there and ready.