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Silly Things People Say!
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Girlfriend: Do you want to do X at the weekend?
Me: Umm, can I have a think about it?
Girlfriend: Why?
Me What?
GF: Why do you want to have a think about it?
WTF?1 -
Friends wife explaining to him that two colleagues both wouldn't back down. "There was a Mexican hatstand"0
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This can be attributed to any conversation with my wife when she asks my opinion on something;
her 'what dress shall I wear, the blue or the red?', me 'red', her 'I'll wear the blue' .
Drives me mad!1 -
Watching a pit stop during a Nascar race...
Her: "What are they doing?"
Me: "Putting on new tyres."
Her:"Why didn't they do that before the race?"1 -
Nephew broken his back on a drunken jaunt, fine now, but means he can't fly jets in the RAF with ejector seats.
Me: He's not too concerned as he will now concentrate on helicopters.
Her: Don't they have ejector seats in helicopters then?1 -
Me: "I wouldn't mind living in Northern Europe."
Her: "Scanadelphia?"0 -
Got phoned 3 times in an hour yesterday by my ex who's flying over from Estonia and is having me meet her at the Airport.
1st time: "I'm arriving at 4"
2nd time: "No sorry, there was a 4 in the number. Getting in at 2pm. See you there"
3rd time: "Sorry again! I'm changing at Helsinki at 2pm, should be with you by 3:30"
She works in finance dealing with numbers all day.0 -
Better man than me Mr Happy. I wouldn't go out the way to pick up my ex if it was from the bus stop round the corner................Mr. Happy said:Got phoned 3 times in an hour yesterday by my ex who's flying over from Estonia and is having me meet her at the Airport.
1st time: "I'm arriving at 4"
2nd time: "No sorry, there was a 4 in the number. Getting in at 2pm. See you there"
3rd time: "Sorry again! I'm changing at Helsinki at 2pm, should be with you by 3:30"
She works in finance dealing with numbers all day.1 -
That Bill Posters is in trouble when they catch him!0
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Who is George Parking?0
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Mongolians build their dwellings from horse shit .. you got off lightly thereNathanPrior said:My missus the other month "i wanna paint the room mongolia" so when i told her that was a country and not a colour she refused to believe me
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My mother is always good for an unintended laugh. Funnily enough she has just left and had us rolling our eyeballs at this one today. Talking about her brother, who is flying out from Gatwick to the Costa Del Whatever to start a week long cruise where he will be cruising the Medway.
Sometimes we just let it go as we don't want to embarrass her too much.1 -
Or the other answerbexleyaddick said:This can be attributed to any conversation with my wife when she asks my opinion on something;
her 'what dress shall I wear, the blue or the red?', me 'red', her 'I'll wear the blue' .
Drives me mad!
"whats wrong with the blue one then?"0 -
I have been reduced to saying "how the f**k should I know, I'm a man. I can see your lips moving but I don't understand anything your're saying". On a good day this gets a laugh.1
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Missus took ages to decide what colour air guitar she would pick when I asked her0
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A colleague is up in Leeds on business on Thursday & Friday this week. He was originally planning to meet his daughter who is studying at York on Thursday night but now has to go to a business function. I was telling the wife about this:
Me: "Collleague Name" isn't very happy. He was going to meet his daughter on Thursday night but has to work now
Wife: She lives in Yorkshire though
Me: Where do you think Leeds is?
Wife: Is it far from Yorkshire?
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No............................Most of the time0
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Barack abramovic is currently the president of the usa apparently0
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I'd drive my ex to Helsinki provided she stayed there...tangoflash said:
Better man than me Mr Happy. I wouldn't go out the way to pick up my ex if it was from the bus stop round the corner................Mr. Happy said:Got phoned 3 times in an hour yesterday by my ex who's flying over from Estonia and is having me meet her at the Airport.
1st time: "I'm arriving at 4"
2nd time: "No sorry, there was a 4 in the number. Getting in at 2pm. See you there"
3rd time: "Sorry again! I'm changing at Helsinki at 2pm, should be with you by 3:30"
She works in finance dealing with numbers all day.2 -
Or the other answerDA9 said:
Or the other answerbexleyaddick said:This can be attributed to any conversation with my wife when she asks my opinion on something;
her 'what dress shall I wear, the blue or the red?', me 'red', her 'I'll wear the blue' .
Drives me mad!
"whats wrong with the blue one then?"
"You never liked the blue one did you"0 -
my wife comes from a long line of people who use the wrong word accidentally..
Her Grandmother Eileen bless her, once told a Priest she couldn't attend mass as she was a Prostitute (meaning Protestant of course)0 -
This is another one
Her "Do you think.I should dye my hair brunette?"
Me "Yeah, why not, I think it would look nice."
Her "So you don't like it blonde then?"
Ffs!0 -
my mate who is also a mother managed to put some pizzas in with the polysterene packaging that came with it, thinking they were there as one time use baking trays.
Complete turnip.0 -
I recall sitting with a group of friends, many years ago discussing the middle east conflict, the Palestine problem, Iran and Iraq and the brutality of their former tribal regimes. At a natural break in the conversation my girlfriend with some seriousness announced the profound conversation stopper - "I think it is all the fault of the Peruvians".
I got the strangest look when I pointed out she was either 8000 miles or a couple of letters out. It took the casual mention of the Shah of Peru for ........the penny to drop.
On another occasion when we were out enjoying a leisurely drive through the Sussex countryside, I noted we had driven past a number of hand made signs directing people to a local clay pigeon shoot. My girlfriend being very much in tune with nature with great indignation went on a 10 minute tirade (to my increasing amusement) about the brutality of men and the destruction of the countryside. It was only at the point she insisted we drive home because the day had been ruined I politely enquired as to whether she had ever seen a CLAY pigeon.
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"Hurry up, finish and stop squashing me you fat c**t"2
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My wife's sister once asked about the size of the jockeys that they use in greyhound racing.
Also, several years ago, my best mate's wife, upon turning 20, proudly proclaimed that she'd reached double figures!0
