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What is the largest animal that you could catch if it was shot out of a cannon?

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Comments

  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,021
    My sister caught crabs from some blokes cannon.
  • PeakieRocket
    PeakieRocket Posts: 2,418
    I'd fancy my chances catching a snake
  • ozaddick
    ozaddick Posts: 2,843
    Kevin muscat, I'd catch him with a pitch fork
  • Absurdistan
    Absurdistan Posts: 8,024
    A blue whale.
  • Atletico Addick
    Atletico Addick Posts: 5,843
    i'd fancy myself to catch a nicely sized platypus, miss the beak and i'm onto a winner
  • smiffyboy
    smiffyboy Posts: 4,314
    A bulldog fat and wrinkly so plenty to get hold and would act as a shock absorber.
  • paulbaconsarnie
    paulbaconsarnie Posts: 9,423
    A mackrel (after throwing a sprat).

    I probably could catch a millwall fan but I'd chose not to.
  • sam3110
    sam3110 Posts: 21,242
    At a push probably a goat
  • Friend Or Defoe
    Friend Or Defoe Posts: 18,072
    I was going to say a goat. :-(

    I guess I'll have to go for a sheep.

    Well that's my day ruined. :(
  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    I could catch a blue whale. It would kill me, but I'd catch it.
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  • Simonsen
    Simonsen Posts: 5,498
    Komodo Dragon or a Newfoundland. Did it the other week and both were equally easy to pick up early in flight...
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,021
    With big sheet of velcro I reckon I could stop one of those oversized poodles.
  • RedPanda
    RedPanda Posts: 4,983
    Sloth.
  • Simonsen
    Simonsen Posts: 5,498
    Just tried a porcupine. I should've worn oven gloves.....
  • kimbo
    kimbo Posts: 2,995
    edited September 2013
    Hilarious. Probably the best ever CL thread.
  • 3blokes
    3blokes Posts: 4,610
    Well I reckon a tortoise because the integrity of its structure would likely be maintained as it is propelled out of the cannon. I would recommend a relatively low trajectory over say 30 metres to avoid any sun glare compromising the catcher's ability to easily and quickly pick out his/her target. A catcher's mitt might be prudent - that shell may well be a little on the warm side!
    Might I also finally recommend a 'spotter', to help the catcher pick out any RSPCA vans hurtling in his/her direction, as the projectile recipient may well have his/her attention more on the armour plated tortoise coming at him at 1500ft per second.
    Fascinating subject though, often overlooked.
  • Simonsen
    Simonsen Posts: 5,498
    Bryan_Kynsie said:

    You could easily catch an elephant. There's nothing to say you have to be alive afterwards. Only problem is you'd never fit an elephant into a cannon to fire it.

    You just need to buy an elephant cannon. I think you're real problem is going to be getting hold of an elephant. They're well pricey these days and only come in boxes of 100.
  • Simonsen
    Simonsen Posts: 5,498
    Simonsen said:

    Bryan_Kynsie said:

    You could easily catch an elephant. There's nothing to say you have to be alive afterwards. Only problem is you'd never fit an elephant into a cannon to fire it.

    You just need to buy an elephant cannon. I think you're real problem is going to be getting hold of an elephant. They're well pricey these days and only come in boxes of 100. They won't split a box and let you have just one or two.
  • sadiejane1981
    sadiejane1981 Posts: 9,012
    Anything without sharp teeth, unless you're shooting out bum first. Or a rabbit (the battery operated kind) :-)
  • soapy_jones
    soapy_jones Posts: 21,348
    Well this thread has really got me thinking so yesterday I actually tried a little experiment.

    In Scotland at the moment so chipmonks are a bit thin on the ground, managed to find a red squirrel. Now before all you eco mentallists and ALF tree huggers start parping have bit of compassion for me, they are really rare so took me fucking ages to catch one. Now a cannon as you can imagine even north of the border was a problem but I substituted that element of the experiment with some pretty tasty and expensive fireworks. Put everything in a metal bucket lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance.

    Let me say now this thread is implusible bollocks. Have you tried cleaning the remains of a red squirrel off of your patio and French windows?
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  • 3blokes
    3blokes Posts: 4,610
    soapy_jones said:

    Well this thread has really got me thinking so yesterday I actually tried a little experiment.

    In Scotland at the moment so chipmonks are a bit thin on the ground, managed to find a red squirrel. Now before all you eco mentallists and ALF tree huggers start parping have bit of compassion for me, they are really rare so took me fucking ages to catch one. Now a cannon as you can imagine even north of the border was a problem but I substituted that element of the experiment with some pretty tasty and expensive fireworks. Put everything in a metal bucket lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance.

    Let me say now this thread is implusible bollocks. Have you tried cleaning the remains of a red squirrel off of your patio and French windows?

    Mmmm, I can't help thinking your choice of firework might have been causing your problems with spatter there Soapy.
    You can light up the sky with Standard fireworks ok but they are generally pretty shit with red squirrels in a bucket ( though oddly they seem fine with the grey ones)
  • Dizzle
    Dizzle Posts: 5,190
    Oddly nobody opted to try and catch a hedgehog
  • MuttleyCAFC
    MuttleyCAFC Posts: 47,728
    edited September 2013
    3blokes said:

    Well I reckon a tortoise because the integrity of its structure would likely be maintained as it is propelled out of the cannon. I would recommend a relatively low trajectory over say 30 metres to avoid any sun glare compromising the catcher's ability to easily and quickly pick out his/her target. A catcher's mitt might be prudent - that shell may well be a little on the warm side!
    Might I also finally recommend a 'spotter', to help the catcher pick out any RSPCA vans hurtling in his/her direction, as the projectile recipient may well have his/her attention more on the armour plated tortoise coming at him at 1500ft per second.
    Fascinating subject though, often overlooked.

    A tortoise would do too much damage - it has to be something soft and absorbant! I too reckon a snake!
  • fattmatt
    fattmatt Posts: 580
    Surely the explosion would dismember the animal. We'd be catching chunks.
  • AddickUpNorth
    AddickUpNorth Posts: 8,325
    To counter this cruelty and redress the balance I once saw a pussy fire out a very small cannon ball. Or it could have been a ping-pong ball. Hit this bloke in the eye and led to a terrible case of conjunctivitus. Shocking stuff.
  • man_at_milletts
    man_at_milletts Posts: 5,620
    edited September 2013
    I thought an octopus would be the obvious choice because there's lots to get hold off once it leaves the barrel, and as others have pointed out providing it's fired over a distance, thereby creating an arc, it should be easy to catch. The OP doesn't mention any form of netting, so I assume you have to catch this in your arms.

    Having thought this through further, obviously the type of cannon used would have a bearing on this. If for example an old fashioned cannon whereby you rammed the powder down the barrel first and used and incendiary device to ignite the powder would present a problem in that the Octopus is made of 80% fluid and would therefore dampen the powder.

    I suggest this whole scenario requires more in-depth thought. Are there any ordnance experts on this list, shurely there must be, and I don't mean throwing flares at football matches.

  • maybe_baby
    maybe_baby Posts: 2,609
    One of those catapult, seesaw, let's storm this castle type thingy's would be better than a cannon. I think a cow would be quite stable in the air as the legs would permanently stick out straight (mainly through fear) This would mean she would cover the distance on her back...this would mean you'd have to catch her arse first, but at least you could possibly survive with maybe just a few flat spots on your face (a neck brace might be a good move) I'll work on velocity's and leverage and get back with my projections.
  • Absurdistan
    Absurdistan Posts: 8,024
    maybe_baby said:

    One of those catapult, seesaw, let's storm this castle type thingy's would be better than a cannon. I think a cow would be quite stable in the air as the legs would permanently stick out straight (mainly through fear) This would mean she would cover the distance on her back...this would mean you'd have to catch her arse first, but at least you could possibly survive with maybe just a few flat spots on your face (a neck brace might be a good move) I'll work on velocity's and leverage and get back with my projections.

    Oi, Maybe_baby don't take your experimenting to far. I don't want to read about you caught up a cow in a local field.
  • uncle
    uncle Posts: 4,209
    sadiejane1981 said:

    Anything without sharp teeth, unless you're shooting out bum first. Or a rabbit (the battery operated kind) :-)

    Do you mean like the Duracell Bunnies??
    I reckon I could catch a seal, probably be the best to shoot out of a cannon too.
  • maybe_baby
    maybe_baby Posts: 2,609
    uncle said:

    sadiejane1981 said:

    Anything without sharp teeth, unless you're shooting out bum first. Or a rabbit (the battery operated kind) :-)

    Do you mean like the Duracell Bunnies??
    I reckon I could catch a seal, probably be the best to shoot out of a cannon too.
    I've tried to catch a seal several times...man they are damned slippery.

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