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Kids Say The Funniest Things
WSS
Posts: 25,070
CAFCOfficial just made me chuckle when they repeated one of the questions asked by a kid at today's Q&A at The Valley:
Q. "Who do you think is the best manager - Chris Powell or Phil Parkinson?" Over to you Robbie...
Q. "Who do you think is the best manager - Chris Powell or Phil Parkinson?" Over to you Robbie...
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Do we know Robbie's answer?!0
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Brilliant.0
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I was swimming with my daughter on Saturday and out of the blue, she asked me "Daddy, can ladies marry other ladies" After answering yes, she then asked me if men can marry men. Again I said yes, to which she replied "well why didn't you marry one of your friends then"
To be fair she had a point.14 -
On doing a banking presentation to 8 year olds I showed a £20 note to the kids to which one replied I know those dad prints them at home!8
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Poncy middle class moment...
I was walking with my three year old son past he Co-Op in Crofton Park a few years ago. It was a Sunday morning and someone had puked up their Saturday night contents just outside the shop creating a beige mess.
My son pointed to it and said, 'Look daddy, someone dropped their humus.'17 -
My littlest (3 year old) boy made me laugh one day last week when I picked him up from school. I asked him if he was going to give me a kiss and he replied 'just a little little one Daddy because I've got sand in my shoes.' Priceless.
I love my two little boys so much.2 -
Tonight my daughter, she's 5, informed me she wants 2 children.
"But I want them to be peach though daddy. I don't want a brown one"
I didn't know what to say!8 -
#1 When our eldest was a toddler he had a thing about Garibaldi biscuits, but he couldn't say Garibaldi so he called them baldy baldy biscuits. One day we'd been to the supermarket and he'd seen up put them in the trolley and wanted some. We explained that as we hadn't paid he couldn't have them yet and that he'd have to wait until we got back to the car. As soon as we were in the car park he yelled out "BALDY BALDY" at the top of his voice just as this slaphead bloke was walking past. I don't think anyone has ever given me a filthier look.
#2 Our eldest again but a few years on, I'd guess he was about 7 or 8. The whole family had been out for the day and came back to his Nan's house. Outside on the pavement some filthy scumbag had left a used condom (Westcliff is not the nicest of areas). He pipes up, "nanny, why is there a dildo outside your house"? So there I am half peeing myself, half dead embarrassed trying to explain what a dildo isn't without dropping any hints as to what it is.12 -
My daughter came home from school (many years ago) having just taken part in a choir practice. After rehearsing the song "Sing Hosanna to the King of Kings", she asked "why would they feed lasagne to the King of Kings?"1
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I have removed my comment on the grounds that it was bitter and twisted and not in the spirit of this thread. Now, where's that Chris O'Grady thread?0
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At the Upbeats get together at the Valley I gave the Upbeats a framed picture of Bailey while posing with two of the guys for a photo, one of them whispered. This is a photo of Bailey, I really like him do you have a dog?4
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A relative of mine was picking up her partner's grand-daughter from school, unannounced, as a treat for the kid.
When the little 'un emerged from the school door, she spotted her across the playground and bellowed at the top of her voice , "Nanny Liz, Nanny Liz, I've got NITS"
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My boys were asleep when I got home from work last night, and I'd left before they work up this morning. Phoned home earlier and spoke to one, and he thought I'd been at work the whole time.
Can't see he growing up to be a union rep....2 -
I took my little 'un swimming a couple of weeks ago and I was chasing him round the pool, he suddenly turned round and shouted at the top of his voice "be a peado dad be a peado". For some reason I asked him to repeat it as maybe I'd misheard, so again he shouts "be a peado like you were last week, when you were getting me".
By this time people are turning round looking strangely, so I ask him what he's talking about, "You know, a peado that shoots out of ships into other ships"
He now understands that torpedo and peado are totally different things!34 -
In a restaurant with my nephew and his gran when he informed us that he wanted to go to the toilet. His gran said, do you want me to go with you and he said no. After a short while, we then heard his voice shouting from the toilet “Gran, I’ve finished, would you come and wipe my bum!”…..priceless!1
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Our eldest is 6 and she used to take great pleasure in pointing out fat/bald/smelly people to her mum in the shops, whilst stood next to them and pointing……. Always made me chuckle when her mum would come back red faced saying that she would need to go back to the shops for half the stuff she couldn’t get as she just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible0
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We were at a gathering with some friends a few months ago. My friend's two sons were standing around talking with us and telling us how they loved superheroes. I asked them which super power they would have if they could choose. After a few moments deliberation while people suggested the usuals like being able to fly or go invisible, the eldest boy (6) said, very calmly and completely dead pan "I think I'd like to be able to eat your shadow".
This made me laugh a lot, but had everyone else looking a bit creeped out while his Dad chuckled nervously. The kid either has a very dark sense of humour that chimes with mine or he's a serial killer in the making.10 -
I was sitting in dentist waiting room with my son who was about 5 when this lady walked in and admittedly she did have manly features to which my son taps me on the arm but I wasn't paying attention properly so he decides to shout " dad dad is that a man or women" wanted the ground to swallow me but at the same time trying my hardest not to laugh.1
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When my little sister was younger she was out shopping with our mother. When they came up to the cash register my sister looked at the woman in astonishment asking "Have you got a moustache?!". Luckily the woman took it well and answered: "Yes! I forgot to shave today!"0
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We were stuck behind a lorry in traffic over the weekend and she piped up with "mummy, that lorry's got bum sex on it" (someone had written in in the dirt on the back)
My misses just said to her "good sounding out of the words"
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Going through our photos with our Granddaughter and stumbled across this…….
Millie….. who’s that with you Grandad?
me…… Santa
Millie….. No it’s not
me……. It is, it’s Santa.
Millie…. It’s not Santa.
me…….who’d you think it is then if it’s not Santa.Millie….. is your Grandad?6 -
@TCE tell young Millie that Santa will not be coming this year....fancy thinking Santa is your grandad....how very dare she!!!!! 😏1
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I told the guy at the holiday camp we booked into today that my daughter was 16 so she can go on all the water slides. My daughter asked my wife why Isaid she was 16 and my wife told her. Her reply was “if I’m 16, I’m going to act like it, I hate you mum”!6
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My mates Daughter said as coldly as could be "Mum when you die can I have your phone?" I pissed myself for hours
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My little girl just said to me, after a long day away at work, giving me a plethora of kisses:
I’d better not give you any kisses when Mummy’s around because I’ll make her jealous.’
That just made not only my day, not my week, but my month, and maybe my year.7
