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Just talk.
iamdan
Posts: 2,421
Dear CL friends,
A dear friend of mine recently took his own life at the young age of 51.
Mind at Bexley have a justgiving page in his memory and to raise awareness.
I really want to stress, if anyone has any similar issues please don't be afraid to speak to someone and talk about your problems - problem shared is problem halved.
Thanks.
A dear friend of mine recently took his own life at the young age of 51.
Mind at Bexley have a justgiving page in his memory and to raise awareness.
I really want to stress, if anyone has any similar issues please don't be afraid to speak to someone and talk about your problems - problem shared is problem halved.
Thanks.
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Comments
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That's awful, sorry to hear that @iamdan.
Conversations about feelings and depression are difficult to have, particularly if you don't have people close to you to listen.
I often don't want to talk when I'm like that, I think because I almost don't want to make a big deal of it.
When my son was born, I had a couple off weeks off work and so would drive my daughter to nursery. I'd drop her off, then sit in the car and cry for 15 minutes before coming home. I don't know why. I didn't tell anyone about it. I just hoped and expected I'd get over it and go back to normal.
But that's the thing about mental health - there's often something just round the corner.
Sorry again for you loss, and sorry if this is an unhelpful post on the topic.14 -
Really sorry to hear that mate. Always sad to hear when people feel they have no other option.
Thoughts with you and your circle, iamdan.1 -
Was that some time ago @Powell Is Pleasant, the tears in the car ?
Sometimes it's only with hindsight you can see what was going on, but I think we're all prone to hit snags and not understand what's happening at the time.0 -
Very sorry for your loss.0
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Sorry for your loss and I echo the sentiment.
Talking is so important in matters relating to mental health. Hugely important to just get things off your chest to a healthcare professional and get the wheels to recovery in motion.
Don't suffer in silence0 -
Sorry for your loss mate0
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RIP To you friend and best wishes to yourself and the rest of his family and friends.
A couple of years ago, we had 3 blokes that we knew/knew of (one was a friend of a friend who I had only briefly met), completely unrelated, commit suicide in the space of about 6 months, all for different reasons and all around the 50 year old mark.
As iamdan says in the original post, talk to someone, even if it's the bloke off the forum, or down the pub.0 -
Awareness is getting better thanks to the various media campaigns. The high-profile losses of Robin Williams and Gary Speed in the last few years really has brought it to the attention of the masses.
When I had my breakdown around this time 10 years ago...new job, 6 month old baby, new house and planning a wedding, it felt like my world was tumbling around me... yet no-one understood, not even my GP. I was pretty much told to snap myself out of it by my GP.
I've posted about it before so wont go into full essay-mode here but I recovered eventually. It took my years to regain my confidence and I can honestly say that splitting up with my ex-wife enabled me to get my life back on track properly. Looking back, she mentally destroyed me and my life has improved exponentially since, I've remarried and I can honestly say I'm the happiest I have ever been in my 40 years.
You know who your friends are and you learn who really gives a sh*t about you and who doesn't. My brother who suffers from Bipolar had found that out the hard way, being blatantly blanked in public and shut out by his old so-called friends. I dont think the stigma attached to mental illness will ever truly go away. Sadly, depression notably runs through my family on both sides.
Don't be afraid to talk. It doesn't help yourself or your family to keep things bottled up inside. Don't be afraid to cry, either.
@Powell Is Pleasant I can relate to that story of yours. I posted similar here a while ago on one of the other threads about mental health.13 -
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This is the old thread where it first came up but I'm pretty sure there's been a good few threads since...
http://forum.charltonlife.com/discussion/comment/1777121#Comment_1777121
Touch wood, everything seems to be clicking for my brother now. He met someone and now lives with her in Liverpool and they're getting married next year. He's still holding down a programming job in IT although he say its physically draining. He's also been diagnose with Sleep Apnea, which explains why he has spent the last 10 years being more tired than knackered. His sleeping pattern has improved and he feels better each day now. Long may it continue.3 - Sponsored links:
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Through friends on Facebook I found out about this shortly after it happened a few weeks ago. I didn't have the pleasure of knowing him personally although we were at school at the same time albeit five years apart and knew the name as distinctive as it is. I also know that your friend was a big and well respected influence on youngsters coming through in local rugby. This, unfortunately, serves to remind me of just over a year ago when one of my former cricketing team mates took his own life too at much the same age.iamdan said:Dear CL friends,
A dear friend of mine recently took his own life at the young age of 51.
Mind at Bexley have a justgiving page in his memory and to raise awareness.
I really want to stress, if anyone has any similar issues please don't be afraid to speak to someone and talk about your problems - problem shared is problem halved.
Thanks.
It is difficult for some to comprehend how both of these men reached that point and how, in both cases, with such a lovely wife and children, a person could do that to them. But life really isn't that simple and people aren't logical when anxiety takes over. Both these men were clearly loved by so many how and there would, no doubt, have been times when they would, indeed, have recognised that. Tragically, it is at one's lowest point that all the love in the world means so little - that person feels so desperately alone can lead to the conclusion that the world would be a better place without them. And those left behind just wish that they knew about those individual's challenges and could have done more.
Some people do understand about the impact of mental health. Sadly a lot still don't but, hopefully, with more and more awareness of the issue they will begin to do so.
@iamdan I am really sorry for your, his other friends and his family's loss. Might it be an idea to share the link for the specific Justgiving page in your opening post to make it easier for those who do wish to support the cause?5 -
Great post @Addick Addict0
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It wasn't that long ago, it was at the beginning of this year. It tends to happen sometimes with me, and it seems to come from nowhere.swords_alive said:Was that some time ago @Powell Is Pleasant, the tears in the car ?
Sometimes it's only with hindsight you can see what was going on, but I think we're all prone to hit snags and not understand what's happening at the time.
It's good advice, to talk to people - for one thing, it's cathartic just thinking through it enough to put it into words. It's often easier said than done though. I'm married, but I know it would make my wife worry too much if I told her I has suicidal thoughts from time to time (and writing that down, I realise how stupid that is!)
I don't really have any friends to tell. There are people I know and people I see; but I don't think I really have any friends. I feel stupid writing this as well.
@JohnBoyUK thanks, I'll give that thread a read.3 -
And I should say, after reading that thread, that what I go through is absolutely nothing compared to what other people are suffering. Absolutely nothing.0
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This thread is so painful for me. I wish I had not opened it but feel obliged to offer commiseration.
My life was saved by a wonderful women, a therapist I had never met before, who did not know me from Adam, but after only 13 sessions, had pulled me back from a very very dark place. I will never be cured but I have methods with which to fight, thanks to Shelagh at Elmsleigh,
PLEASE, IF ANYONE IS FEELING WHAT I AND OTHERS FEEL, AT ANY TIME, TALK!12 -
I'd never spoke to anyone outside of this forum about my father (which I did after Gary Speeds death) and only recently did I discover more details which helped closure despite it happening over 50 years ago. I recently received a newspaper clipping which the first line read that "Police broke into property after receiving a call from the mans father, only to find the man already deceased" I found myself reading it almost looking for Gary Speeds name except I kept seeing my name which is the same as my fathers I was reading about my own Father it seemed so surreal almost make believe. I'll hold my hands up to being a "Pull yourself together" type of person, but having been there and still occasionally popping back for a visit, trust me its not a nice place to be. I was diagnosed with stress related depression 2 years ago and its feckin horrible. Moving down here was a fresh start but I needed to get away from everything I didn't know it at the time but it had to happen, I used to visit a lady to have a chat but realised the person I needed most to talk to was sitting on the sofa in the same room. I've started my own business working with dogs I spend most of my days with the most important person in my world my wife and I believe I'm laughing now because Im happy and not because I'm covering up some worrys. I never felt so low to want to take my own life but its easy to understand why it would happen when you've been there. Up to maybe five years ago I was angry with my Father, now I feel I understand a lot more.
RIP .......Your Pal x
RIP...... MY Dad x11 -
Some links that may be of help for someone at sometime- and these are the local free NHS services, most self referral, and some give advice and emergency numbers on their sites-
Kent and Medway - http://www.liveitwell.org.uk/support-help/nhs-counselling-therapy-kent-medway/
Also
https://www.kmpt.nhs.uk/information-and-advice/pcpts
Greenwich
http://oxleas.nhs.uk/gps-referrers/gp-working-age-adults-mental-h/greenwich-time-talk-iapt2/
Lewisham, Croydon, Southwark or Lambeth
https://slam-iapt.nhs.uk
Bexley
http://mindinbexley.org.uk/iapt/
Bromley
http://bromleyworkingforwellbeing.org.uk/contact-us/
For a non NHS service I think these are useful:
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk
And for the general well being stuff;
http://www.liveitwell.org.uk/ways-to-wellbeing/5 -
I think the poor guy's funeral is today as I have a few mutual friends. Very sad story but sadly Seems to be happening more these days.0
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Sad news, talking is so important.
I had a friend do the same on Christmas Eve last year.
He was one of a group so whilst we weren't really close I had known him for 10 years or so and was always delighted when he was out as he was the life and sole of the party and no one would ever have suspected he was unhappy. I saw him only a week or so before it happened and he seemed his usual self.
The stories at his funeral were heart wrenching from his closest friends, such a really great bunch of people who owed him a lot in many ways and would have all driven the length of the country to have spoken to him had he phoned, even on Christmas Eve. It was just an absolute waste of a very talented fella.5 - Sponsored links:
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Your whole post resonated with me, but especially the "friends" bit. I wouldn't feel stupid writing that as I suspect there are many of us feeling the same.Powell Is Pleasant said:
It wasn't that long ago, it was at the beginning of this year. It tends to happen sometimes with me, and it seems to come from nowhere.swords_alive said:Was that some time ago @Powell Is Pleasant, the tears in the car ?
Sometimes it's only with hindsight you can see what was going on, but I think we're all prone to hit snags and not understand what's happening at the time.
It's good advice, to talk to people - for one thing, it's cathartic just thinking through it enough to put it into words. It's often easier said than done though. I'm married, but I know it would make my wife worry too much if I told her I has suicidal thoughts from time to time (and writing that down, I realise how stupid that is!)
I don't really have any friends to tell. There are people I know and people I see; but I don't think I really have any friends. I feel stupid writing this as well.
@JohnBoyUK thanks, I'll give that thread a read.1 -
A neighbour & acquaintance of mine - ( I know his wife much better than him as she was more involved with the community & kids) - took his life at 47 years old just a couple of weeks ago, he was married with two kids aged 6 & 3.Curb_It said:I think the poor guy's funeral is today as I have a few mutual friends. Very sad story but sadly Seems to be happening more these days.
Shocking tragedy - he had a history of depression...0 -
It's really saddening to read these stories, I've lost to suicide, attempted it and battle depressive feelings daily, however I am in a much better place these days.
A problem shared is very often a weight off the shoulders. A firm hug from someone hat loves you can really let you know life isn't that bad.
The problem comes when those feelings become overpowering... That is when professional help must be available and must be approachable.1
