I am in a really weird quandary and could do with a spot of assistance.
We have recently viewed a handful of schools for our daughter for next year when she goes to secondary school. We need to indicate 4 choices in order of preference.
We cannot decide between the first 2 - both in Maidstone. Our daughter prefers School 1 whereas me and her mum prefer School 2. Both school have had a open day this week which we have attended with our daughter - where they have done a lesson, headmistress talks and a tour of the school.
Our daughter cannot explain why she prefers school 1 - she just feels more comfortable there, We attended an evening there late last year and she's loved it since then so the visit this week just reaffirmed this.
I prefer school 2 because it has a smarter uniform, the school itself was newer, cleaner and more polished and I just get the impression it is just that bit better as a school. But does this matter in the grand scheme of things?
The grades at School 2 are fractionally better but both are well above average so I'm not that concerned about that.
The students we met were all polite, held doors open and on best behaviour etc which is important to us.
Neither school has any/many kids from her current school or from where we live so that's not really a factor. Neither is it a concern for our daughter.
The question is - which do we put as her first choice? do we go with daughter's preference or do we pull rank based on our experience and opinion?
Are am I blowing this out of proportion?
AAAarrrrggghhhhhh - help! Anyone else been in this position?
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Does she have a stronger friendship group in her preferred school than the other one?
She is more likely to flourish in a school she is comfortable with and wants to be at.
It's a no brainer, unless there are good reasons to go against her wishes, which you haven't told us.
I guess I just want what’s best for her and am more inclined to trust my gut feeling than hers - rightly or wrongly
How far is the school from home? Is one a more difficult journey than the other for her?
How good is the school over time? Not just last summer.
What do they offer beyond the classroom? Will she get to go on trips, play sports, music or is the school just an exam factory?
What are your daughter's strengths/interests and which school caters best for them?
Was the headteacher convincing?
Why does your daughter want to go there?
Which school has the best reputation over time in the local area?
If state, are you sure you are safely in the catchment area for both?
She will make her own way in the world and it will be to a significant extend because of the example you have set her as you have brought her up. Trusting her to make this decision is part of that. She may be picking marginally the less decent school but it will be her decision - that's the key for her future development. What more important in my view is that you support her decision positively.
If the child doesn't want to go or isn't happy at school it's a continual up hill battle (ask me how I know),
Go with your daughter. I really wouldn't worry about uniform, how new the school is etc. Whats important is a happy, supported child with good teaching, everything else is just noise.
If she is good at sports for instance, then she needs to pick the school that has a vibrant sports department with potentially overseas tours. Likewise, if she is a promising violinist then she needs to go to the school that values and promotes the arts.
The main thing is to get her to think about it properly and thoroughly. In doing so the right decision will then be reached.
To pull rank here could create a resentment that gets worse and damages her enjoyment and what she gets from school.
If you can actively differentiate otherwise I would say go with that.
She’s not especially sporty - more performing arts and both schools were strong for this.
Where we live we are surrounded by some superb schools - though none are on our doorstep so the catchment thing is a slight concern. The catchment also features 2 schools that aren’t good at all so don’t want it to riskAs long as she gets one I’ll be happy. Had no idea this would be so stressful though!
Explain to your daughter that your preference is for school two. Explain why you think that would be better, concentrating only on the good points of the school. Make it clear that you've made your decision based only on the important things that you think would benefit her over the coming years...
And then tell her, the most important thing is that she is happy. And, because of that, you will put school 1 as the first choice, and school 2 as the second choice.
This way, one of the following will happen. You will either get the first option, in which case she will be happy. Or you will get your second option, in which case, she knows she's going to a school that her parents know is right for her, for all the right reasons.
Will probably get given your second choice anyway.
We went through all this a couple of years ago. There was a school I was adamant my boy wasn’t going to. That was before I’d actually walked round them ,chatted to teachers. I just had a good feel about it and although maybe not as academically brilliant as other local schools ( marginally) We thought it would suit him best.As luckily did my boy.
Now into his second year and he loves it and is doing really well.
You don’t wanna be making out it’s what she prefers just in case she doesn’t get that and the feeling of being let down cos it’s her number one choice .
You are more clued up than a ten year old , I’d like to think so , imo as nice as it might be to be giving a 10 year old a choice to me the reality is you have more idea than she does .
Kids adapt well and as you say if there’s nothin in it and it is a lottery then que sera sera
He said to look at the age of the work that was on the classroom and also the quality of the work.
I made a point of doing this, and tried not to be blinded by flash facilities, that they’d spent big sums of dosh on.
Because I was so intent on looking at walls, one school noticeably had lots of posters on the walls saying they didn’t tolerate bullying and fighting, a good thing I thought, but it made me think there was a real problem at this school.
Thankfully they didn’t want to go there in the end, although I knew someone who had sent one of their kids there, and had been bullied, I tried to keep an open mind, but really hoped that wasn’t their choice.
Can you go back for a 2nd open day to the one you’re daughter really liked, just so she can 100% be sure?
Personally for me uniform would not be the overriding factor, but I can understand why you’d consider it.
Also what’s the travel time going to be like getting to the school, one of my kids left so early in the morning to get there when he got home he was absolutely exhausted and fell asleep when he got home!
Pretty sure I know which two you are talking about and my step daughter is at her last year at one of them if you want to PM me.
Which uniform do you feel happiest in?